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    « October 2011  | Main  | December 2011 »


    FuseTV Exclusive: DROWNING INSTRUCTIONS - poem by m.d.

    Posted on November 11, 2011 at 04:01 PM

    Photo 74
    Raccoons, 

    Please continue comments and questions in the previous post. As I finish answering PART II of your 20 Questions, I thought I'd leave you with a new poem.

    In other news, my venus fly trap is famished due to bug shortages. I ate my first persimmon. My left shin gets hot for no reason. I watched a rat eat puke off of a train rail. My squirrel continues to visit, but avoids eye contact- and my favorite shirt smells like Paranormal Activity 3.  

    Reading every comment and Tweet you send. Proud as hell of this motley crew.

    xo Mat

    Article-1193213-055A82D6000005DC-549_468x290

    Drowning Instructions (Women and Children Last)

    By Commodore Nathanial Wrongchilde III, Psychologist; The Honourable Company of Master Mariners

     

    As you have likely taken note, her Britannic Majesty's Ship,

    The Queen Mary II is in the process of sinking.

    It’s my pleasure to inform you that our emergency vessels are over capacity.

    If this letter has been delivered to you

    By one of our well-mannered and courteous crew,

    It indicates that you have NOT been awarded Capsize Rescue Privileges.

    Please take a moment, but no longer, to let this information settle.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------

    Then,

    Kindly and without ceremony, leave your cabin.

    (Dress calls for boots, jodhpurs and heavy reefer jacket.)

    Approach nearest ledge and unsafely enter the cold cruel arms of the ocean.

    Paddle beyond sight of the other passengers and the safety of the lifeboats.

    Do not cry out, blow whistle, or signal for help; thereby alarming the survivors.

    Enjoy this opportunity to fatigue quickly. Thank you.

    -------------------------------------------------------------

    In your final moments,

    It's imperative that one maintains a dignified expression of stoicism.

    Remain silent, and for the love of George, do not weep like a woman.

    Envision the strains of a concerto (perhaps Bach), which you may have first heard

    As a child in the parlour of a great aunt.

    Close eyes; forfeit all hope.

    Next, we’d thank you to sink, die, bloat, and decompose; all in due course.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

    Lastly,

    Should you find yourself in the Netherworld, cursed to haunt the sea for all days:

    Kindly avoid shipping lanes in the North Sea

    Between the Walde Lighthouse (France, 1°55'E)

    And Leathercoat Point (England, 51°10'N).

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    On behest of our Captain and Her Royal British Legion,

    We appreciate your cooperation.

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    20 Questions- Lightning Round PART 1

    Posted on November 1, 2011 at 01:53 PM

    179046_179333202104028_100000820488552_366053_2243523_n

    Fellow homosapiens and nocturnal rodents,

    Hope you are all enjoying the autumn. As I always say, magic things happen when it’s hoody weather outside.

    It continues to amaze me, just how thoughtful and cool the members of this community are. In particular, I loved reading L.A.J.'s response to Evey Marie on the subject of her parents' divorce. -And both Alpha and J wrote wonderful responses to Julia on the subject of unhealthy relationships and loneliness.

    (For any n00bs, all these exchanges go on in the COMMENTS section below each post-- Feel free to join the dialog! NOTHING is off limits.) 

    A little while ago, I invited you all to Tweet random questions to @MatDevinesLife or @Raccoon_Society. I promised to answer 20 of them in a ‘Lightning Round’ of sorts. THANK YOU to all who responded! -and thank you for your patience :)

    These are the first 10. Enjoy. Keep them coming! 

    Stay weird. Support Global Cooling. 

    Raccoon for Life

    Xo Mat

    Mat cropped2

    1. @hannahbeliever: What do you think about string theory? (Random I know, but it's an awesome topic) 

    As much as I hate hippies (…and my Lollapalooza Frisbee nosebleed incident of ‘09 certainly didn’t help) –it’s amazing to learn that theoretical physicists are coming close to proving what Deadheads on shrooms have always known— that everything within our universe is connected on a fundamental level.

    I'm glad that you find it “an awesome topic”. I totally agree. Fascinating. Maybe one day, if People Magazine would put the world's brightest minds on their covers of instead of Tori Spelling, there will be more girls out there like you.

    2. @Eave0 \~/ Do you see the glass half empty, half full, or just something to throw at someone?

    Were you “thinking outside the box” when you wrote this question? Look, contrary to every lyric on my first 2 albums, I really don’t like cliché metaphors. That said, I guess I go through life with what my lawyer describes as “guarded optimism”- meaning—hoping for the best, prepped for the worst.

    I also tend view each bad experience as a chance to learn. I believe in silver linings. Like, when it starts raining I think, “well, at least its washing the pigeon shit off my air conditioner.”

    As for throwing a glass at someone, please restrain yourself- ESPECIALLY if that “someone” is my ex-manager. In that case, throw a grenade.

    Picture 2
    3. @NinjaKnees22 If you had to eat one of your best friends, who would you eat, and who do you think would taste the nicest?

    You’re twisted, Ninjaknees. Cannibalism? Really?

    Guess I’d eat my very good friend Kasia. She’s from Paris and rubs olive oil on her skin every day... very holistic, very soft. I always thought it was a weird move. Europeans, you know? But if I HAD to eat anyone, she’s already seasoned. A little balsamic and she’s good to go.

    4. @judy_BK What do you think about Occupy Wall Street?

    I heard it smells like gyros down there. And I heard there are drum circles. God. I'm never going south of Canal. 

    My opinions are varied. When I first read that entitled hipsters were vilifying "the 1%” for their preposterous wealth, my knee-jerk reaction was to ignore it. I believe in capitalism. I believe in a system that, theoretically, rewards hard work, innovation, and risk. 

    That said, every system is flawed, and too many people are clearly abusing their status. As unfocused and fractured as the protests are, I’m glad there are spirited revolutionaries out there who are taking action and forcing a dialogue.

    Now if only my lazy waiter had that kind of chutzpa, I need a fresh martini to Occupy My Mouth like yesterday.

    Mchammer

    5. @mcdaigle What are your opinions on the homogenization of sound due to corporate overhaul of "the band" and "the singer"?

    I agree, popular music is getting more painful every day. Have you listened to the iTunes Top 10 singles lately? I’d rather change my name to McDaigle! (Oh sorry.) But, the corporations haven’t “overhauled” anything as you put it. That would take too much foresight and intelligence. Big labels are in the business of reacting, of chasing trends, not creating them. 

    What you aptly refer to as, "the homogenization of sound", I prefer to call, "balls deep in the worst artistic recession since Hammer pants".

    My advice is, take advantage of it. This is the perfect time for artists to act locally. Rather than being myopic and single-driven, focus instead on the long term. Creating an original identity, a world, a lifestyle around your band and your message. Make enough noise, and you can usher in a future when the words "pop" and "quality" won't be mutually exclusive.

    6. @agentbeaverwolf  How much would it cost me for you to do a reading of Funky Cold Medina by Tone Loc?!

    $750 US.  That’s $500 for the reading and $250 to pay a professional kick-boxer to roundhouse me in the face right after. (Dear integrity, i miss you so much)

    In the meantime, enjoy this reading of Damn It Feels Good To Be a Gangster.

     

    7. @stephcollinss Have you seen 'The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia'? -because I feel like this is something you'd love.

    I have. Wow.

    People wonder why I get so scared in the south. I can walk through the gangland projects in Chicago. No problem. I've been through hillside gypsy villages in the forests of Catalonia- through Mexican barrios, etc…  but the moment our tour dips south of the Mason-Dixon Line, all my defenses go up like a baby hedgehog. I am utterly petrified of American white trash hillbillies- This documentary rocks, because its an easy way to prove to my friends that my "irrational" fears are fully justified. 

    8. @Emmily_xo What are your feelings about giant tortoises? <3

    I think they’re delicious. :) jk. (but they probably are.)

    My friend Matt had a pet turtle for years. Speedy. It just sat in a tank eating lettuce, alone. Every day was exactly the same. The thing was just… existing, you know? Then, one afternoon, after 8 years of doing jack shit, it laid an egg. Out of nowhere. A small white turtle egg. Matt always thought it was a male. Guess that happens. No lesson there, just a memory I have.

    You want COOL creatures to think about? Try Self-destructing Carpenter Ants (Camponotus saundersi; They literally make their own heads explode toxic glue when threatened).

    Elephant Moths (Mabra elephantophila; They feed on elephant tears).

    and

    Horror Frogs (Trichobatrachus robustus; breaks its own foot and uses the sharp bone as weapon).Animals strange

    9. @ktulu_r  Mat, I'm probably an idiot but what is "venus fly trap"? 

    Yeah, probably. ;)

    10. @riotsquadamal

    a) Would you rather wake up as a duck or a chicken?

    Duck, I guess. Did @Ninjaknees put you up to this?

    b) What is your favourite accent?

    For women, South African. For men, Sydney.

    c) Do you like cheesecake?

    Do you like roundhouse kicks to the vulva? Please ask better questions.

    d) Favourite type of tea?

    Anything from McNulty’s in NYC. The proprietor is a lovely old yoda-looking Chinese man. He always sits on a stool and gives me the stink eye; Makes me kind of uncomfortable, but then again he’s about 247 years old, so that little problem might... just.. solve.. itself... any... day.... now... Lately I’ve been into this custom combo of loose leaf cranberry green tea and orange-spiced black tea. 2 pots a day. "Detox to Re-tox" as they say in Chicago :) 

    10. @Quimic_Vampire can we send you like, fan mail... like, real letters? :)

    “Real letters”? You mean analog? Like on… (gasp).. paper? YES please! I love mail. The best way is to contact Lisa, the prez of the Street Team. She can advise. (dravenreborn@gmail.com) xo

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    « October 2011  | Main  | December 2011 »




    This Week's Free Downloads



    Marianas Trench
    "Haven't Had Enough"

    Mikey Sabatella
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    Spacecamp
    "Miko D.T.B."

    Super Prime
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    Timeshares
    "Too Many ELO Days"

    TRIBES
    "We Were Children"

    Ume
    "Captive"