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Kat Von D responds to Clair via Video

Posted on September 27, 2011 at 04:07 PM

In a previous post, we received a touching letter from Clair in Ohio. Clair and her husband have struggled for 9 years to start a family-- but despite the hardships, their commitment to one another remains intact. As part of the healing process, Clair got a tattoo (lyrics to a KH song I'd written for her on a napkin while on tour) to symbolize their strength, love and personal resolve. Unfortunately, her parents aren't fans of the tattoo, and this hurts Clair a great deal.

In my video response, I assured her that it was indeed a monumental gesture, and one that she can feel proud of. (In terms of coping with tragedies, anyone will agree that getting inked is a far healthier choice than turning to drugs, alcohol, prostitution, or David Schwimmer comedies.)

Further, I tried to assure her that her parents' distaste for her tattoo is surely a generational bias and not a personal attack.

Last, I offered to ask my good friend, Kat Von D, to send Clair a Tweet as a show of support. Better than a Tweet, Kat was so moved by Clair's letter, that she took the time from her insane schedule to shoot a personal vid response... See below! xo

Want more? Read Mat's daily tweets HERE, and follow the Raccoon Society HERE

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ASK MAT: Sept 2k11- My Fav Spots in CHICAGO, Bullying, Drugs, Homosexuality&Religion, Montana, MAT READS T-PAIN

Posted on September 20, 2011 at 04:06 PM

1. Oh great and wise Papa Raccoon:

I am a 20-something, broke-ass, intellectual pseudo-hipster girl who has just moved to Chicago to work at the Art Institute. What the hell is there to do around here on a Saturday that doesn't cost a ton of money and doesn't involve getting assaulted by Axe-covered dudebros? Alternately, where does one go to see decent live music?

-Liza, newly of Chicago

PS While masturbation is always a good suggestion, one does need other options.

Liza,

I refuse to tell you where 'hipsters' hang in Chicago, but what I WILL do is navigate you’re lil broke body around my former city like a game of PacMan: avoiding clouds of Axe Bodyspray and getting all the tasty fruits.

1. Wake up. Put on NPR. Brush. Floss. Fill flask with Makers Mark. Open window and scream, “Hey Earth! Put on a fucking diaper! Let's do this!” (cost: free)

2. Walk to Caribou Coffee on Kingsbury St. and get a Mango Black tea to go. (cost: $2.75)

3. Walk around corner to hidden dog park beside the Ohio St. overpass. Watch as rich married men flirt with tan sluts while their dogs drool and hump the fuck out of eachother. Show love to the runt dog that no one's playing with. (cost: free)

4. Walk a block north to the private jungle gym by Erie Café (mob hang out). This is just like the dog park but with humans, so it’s even funnier when they get hurt.

5. Walk through the Palm Court lobby of the grand old Drake Hotel on Michigan Ave. Imagine being obscenely rich. Finger sandwiches optional (cost: free)

6. Walk 1bk west to the Fourth Presberterian Church on Michigan ave. The tiny hidden gothic courtyard is just inches from the chaos, but ALWAYS empty- feels like 1800s Oxford juxtaposed with massive modern skyscrapers overhead. There are vines, a garden, and warped leaded glass windows of the rectory, thru which creepy priests may or may not be leering hungrily down at you. I wrote a lot of lyrics here. Throw a coin in the old fountain. Once, when I had no pennies, I made a wish and threw in a pager from the Cheesecake Factory. (cost: free)

7. Walk 1 block north to Sofia Vintage on Oak st. Recycled and limited indie designers. Best boutique in the city (along w Bonnie&Clydes). Ask for Ashley. (cost: free)

8. Walk east to Museum of Contemporary Art. Lick a Koons sculpture. (cost: $12 – free Tues.)

9. Rent a bike somehow (I understand this involves something called “exercise”) and ride north along Lake Michigan to campus of Northwestern University. (Along the way, stop at the skate park on Montrose.)  Trespass inside the old music building, lick a grand piano, explore hidden Shakespeare Garden and old chapel. (cost of bike rental: no clue ask a normal person)

10. Ride north to the Bahai Temple. Looks like a giant orange juicer made of white marble. Something from the 3^rd Reich or 5^th Element… meditate, be present. (cost: free)

11. Return bike, stop on bridge overlooking the Chicago River. Flip off tourists on the decks of the architectural cruise boats. It’s really fun. They'll get so mad, but realistically what can they do? Jump in the river? (cost: free)

12. Dinner at Kumas Corner. They blast death metal and make gourmet burgers named after awful bands (the Judas Priest is my fav)

13. MY SECRET SPOT: Cordials at Zebra Lounge on Rush st. The least “cool” place in the city. It’s literally located inside a Home for the Elderly. Total time warp. Looks like a Cincinnati Airport lounge from 1973. Seats like 20. Tom has been playing Barry Manilow on piano there since before cocaine. It smells like Old Spice, Merit Ultralights and failure. Lick the carpet and die. (cost: $2 for ice n soda for remainder of your flask)

YOUR HOMEWORK: Listen to Pashion Pit's cover of Smashing Pumpkins- Tonight, Tonight (best Chicago reference- “…and the embers never fade in the city by the lake...”)

Passion Pit - Tonight Tonight (Smashing Pumpkins cover)

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2.  Dear Mat,

We really need your help!

We are having problems with the way our ‘friends’ are treating us at school and we were wondering what we should do about it. Recently they have been zoning us out and spreading rumours about us. These rumours are really hurtful and about personal things such as eating and diet.

We are not sure whether we should confront them about this situation or just leave it alone and not let it get to us. However, we are worried if we do say something it will blow everything out of proportion- but we can’t just sit there because it is affecting us and our studies so much.

Normally things like this wouldn’t matter but it is almost making school unbearable and we dread having to go. We are asking you this question as we know that you didn’t have the best time at school and maybe you can give us some tips or strategies for overcoming this problem.

We know that this question isn’t as important as some of the others you get but it is something you are probably qualified to answer as you have personal experience on the subject. Please help us! We feel like we have no one else to turn to.

From Jade and Lilly.

Jade & Lilly

Thanks for sharing, and I’m sorry for your situation. If I had the time and the money, I’d put together a crew of South Siders and travel the world full-time on horseback, handing out personal CHI-town bitch slaps to ANYONE who intimidates any fan of mine, or fan of this site.

I’m proud to see that certain states (see New Jersey Anti-Bullying), have recently passed anti-bullying legislature… and I hope it’s a sign of changes to come.

In the meantime, Nicole’s response to you was dead on. Stay in school, TELL SOMEONE, and most importantly, NEVER be intimidated into changing who you are.

You’re targeted because you stand out. You’re a crooked nail. All the good ones are. And sadly, crooked nails tend to get hammered. Wait… that sounds wrong. Crooked nails get banged? NO! That sounds even worse. You know what I’m trying to say. (Curse you, Javier! What on earth did you put in this mohito? Turpentine?!)

Just understand that “normal” has never been a measure of value, just popularity. For example, its normal for grown men to wear baseball hats. Like- why? Is the sun in your eyes while you’re buying hot dogs at Target? Slavery, organized religion, Nascar, bloodletting, leeching, Asbestos, the bubonic plague, Sheryl Crow… all things that are/were wildly popular, and are clearly evil.

Anyone who's remotely interesting will encounter bullying in some shape or form throughout their lives. When we started our band, I’d hand out flyers to strangers on the street and they’d literally throw them back in my face. We eventually started printing them on lighter card stock-  But, my point is, (and i know this isn't the quick fix you're looking for): Whether it's in school or adulthood, if you stick to your guns, work hard, and people sense your conviction, you’ll eventually gain their respect. - not that their opinions matter at all. (But you'll see it in their eyes when, 10 years from now, they're changing the oil in your Mercedes.)

I’m glad that you two have eachother… but just remember: even if you feel alone, there’s an army of raccoons that have your back.

YOUR HOMEWORK: Listen to: MCR I'm Not Ok

My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Ok

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3. Mat,
Please convince me that I don't NEED to do drugs (esp. pot) to be cool and/or have a good time. I am not saying I never have or never will do drugs, I'm talking doing them on a daily/weekly basis here.

Thanks!
Erica

My pleasure!

Originality is cool. Free thought is cool. Intelligence is cool. Sanity is cool. Wearing a cape and riding a bicycle is cool. Reading Salinger on the subway is cool. Buying My Bloody Valentine on vinyl is cool. Being nice is cool. Whoever made Lego Stephen Hawking is cool. Little girls with bowler hats and pipes are cool. There’s nothing cool about regular drug use.

<<< INTERMISSION>>>>>

 

<<< END INTERMISSION>>>>>

4a. Mat,

In about two weeks I will be going to college and moving into a dorm. I am gay, and I need to face coming out to my roommates. I have come out to my family, friends, co-workers, and strangers. For some reason this feels different, I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable but it's kind of hard to be in the closet when you have a rainbow sniper heart on your chest. Keeping that covered for the whole year is not an option. Do you have any advice?

P.S.Thank you for the advice you gave me about drinking in Denver after Spider Man. It was very helpful.

Love,

Maggie

Maggie,

The cool thing about dormlife, is that your roommates are selected for you. –they’ll inevitably be very different from you, and in theory you both should grow from the experience.

My roommate at ISU was a sociopath who put carpenter nails in my pillowcase and literally tried to throw me out of the window when I ate one of his Doritos. My roommate at SAIC was a RUSH fanatic who would draw me while I slept. See? "different."

Maybe it doesn’t need to be the first thing you mention. I don’t believe any of us should be defined by our sexuality. You guys will bond the first few days... then, when you’re comfortable enough to share more personal details about your backgrounds, bring it up: “I hope you’re cool with this. It’s not gonna affect our living situation or anything, but I’m gay.” She’d have to be a troglodyte to care at all, and if she does—request a new roommate. Her loss. Gay girls make the best wingmen.

(ps, love that you have a rainbow sniper heart tattoo)

YOUR HOMEWORK: listen to In Your Room by Depeche Mode

EAT: watercress salad

(04) Depeche Mode - In your room

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4b.  Dear Mat,

My name is Mindy, I’m 18 and I need advice. I have been procrastinating on asking for help trying to believe that I can brave through it all. But it has reached the point where I’m depressed and I just ruined my friendship.

For the past 2 years I’ve been struggling with telling my friends and family that I’m bisexual. I've finally told my closest friends this truth and they completely support me. The thing is, i also want to tell my family so that they understand where I’m coming from. 

I also want to tell my church family why I’m not determined to grow in faith when I feel my bisexuality makes me damned for Hell. I don’t want to be rejected by my friends in my church because of my sexual orientation and i feel i can’t grow if i cant reach some understanding about it.

And finally, I believe I may have just ruined my friendship with my friend who has helped me through so much. We grew close,i flirted, got attached to her and she rejected me. And now she's angry that I can't just let it go.

So I’m hurt and stressed and no longer can turn to her for advice. So I ask that if u can understand any of this jumbled message, if u can give any advice to help me solve my stresses and become less depressed and to stop thinking about dangerous ways to relieve stress- that'd be great help.

~ Much Love,

Mindy, PA

Mindy,

I look at modern religions the same way I looked at ancient ones- with the same detached interest of an archeologist. I see no fundamental difference between present-day parishes and early Druid cults. 

So, whenever I meet someone in 2011 who still takes stone-age superstitions at face value, I’m bewildered- I feel exactly like Marky Mark in Planet of the Apes when he lands on bizarro Earth at the end of the movie, like... this SEEMS normal, but where.. the fuck.. am.. I. 

I used to think it was just cute, and harmless and to-each-his-own, but then I read letters like your's and I started thinking- This is NOT cute anymore. It’s not harmless. It’s really fucking scary.

This is an example of a good girl, who has done nothing wrong, and is tormented to the point of considering “dangerous ways to relieve stress”? Am I the only one who's alarmed?

I hail you for your bravery. Hang in there// it’s all going to work out.

First, I suggest joining a local LGBT support group center.

Regarding the church: Faith and bisexuality need not be mutually exclusive. IF it’s important to you, (ugggh) there are many progressive gay-friendly dioceses out there. (Further, I have some very admirable friends who’d be happy to give you some guidance in this arena—post your email)

As for telling your family: Once you have a support network in place, (a good friend you can turn too, or maybe an after-school program)- mentally prepare yourself for the worst. Hopefully it will be cool, but for some parents, even cool ones, the sudden loss of their idyllic traditional future for you may be too much to handle at first.

As for you hitting on your best friend: RELAX. Every singe one of my gay friends has a similar story- I think it’s a right of passage... Give her a couple days to calm down- then, send a letter (not an email) apologizing for misreading the situation. Let her know you understand why it bothered her, and that you miss her platonic friendship. 

Look, right now, this is the worst it’s gonna be…. Once you get past this, the relief and freedom you feel will be immeasurable. In the meantime, make sure you don’t do anything reckless :)

YOUR HOMEWORK: listen to I'm Afraid of Americans by David Bowie:

David Bowie - I'm Afraid of Americans

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5. Dear Mat,

My boyfriend of over two years is going to move away next summer to get a degree in music production- and will be there for five years. He is going to move in with his friend in Bozeman, Mt.

I’m so worried about this because, even though I’m only 18, I know that he is the person I want to be with forever.

Because of the way I feel I am going to move out there with him. But I can’t stand small mountain towns and ever since I was born in North Dakota I’ve always wanted to live in a big city. We compromised by deciding that I’ll move to Billings, a larger city only a couple of hours away.

I’m scared because I won’t be very old then and will be by myself, away from my family. I refuse to live in a small town since starting a band is my dream and I’ve found that there isn’t enough diversity in places like this to start a band that will make the kind of music I’m interested in.

The point is, I’m scared of what will happen- if our relationship will change at all. I don’t think it will and am pretty confident that we will be able to make this work. But five years seems like such a huge portion of my life to be in this situation. I’m really sorry if this question makes no sense at all, but I value your opinion so much and I just don’t know who else to ask anymore. My family is supportive but they can only give me so much advice without being biased. I know this isn’t as important as some of the questions that you’re getting, but if you could give me some advice it would mean so much.

Taylor xo

Taylor,

As for the issue of relocating to Billings to be closer to your boyfriend- If you were MY sister, I’d throw a donut at your forehead and say, “You’re 18. You need to focus on building your own life. I know you love him, but if the relationship is strong enough, it will survive. BTW can I borrow $4 for a new pastry please.”

Butttt - I’m in a semi-romantic mood ‘cos it’s autumn, my orange tea is delicious and my black market Ritalin just kicked in, so I’m just going to focus instead on imparting you with what little I know about Montana (Big Sky Country).

Don't make the mistake of assuming that a city’s physical size is any indication of the quality of culture and opportunities contained therein. Bozeman may be smaller, but it’s charming as hell. Wine bars, tea shops, beautiful MSU campus (maybe you can enroll?), Victorian mansions, intellectuals, book shops—and the general social climate is much more progressive.

Conversely, according to my friend, the only thing Billings has to offer is “Red Lobster and crystal meth.” True or not, she’s offered her email addy should she be of any further assistance to you (bird.Friday@gmail.com).

As for starting band in smaller cities, don’t be discouraged. It’s a great opportunity for you to be a hometown hero. Look at Seattle in the early 90’s. Look at what Conor Oberst and The Faint did for Omaha. Look at what Bjork did for Iceland. Look at what Bon Iver did for where-ever-the-fuck-he’s-from-ville in the scary woods of Wisconsin.

Find something in the frequency of the location and let it speak to you. (sometimes the bleakest little mining towns have the biggest stories to tell)

PLUS, one day when a dirty bomb goes off in Times Square, and L.A. crumbles into the Pacific, and your band will be at the head of the thriving Montana nu-romantic scene. That is, IF you move there. Which you truly shouldn’t. :)

YOUR HOMEWORK: Enjoy these BONUS Montana facts:

-It’s bigger than Japan

-I once got a $10 speeding ticket for going 40MPH over the limit.

-The Unibomber fertilized his carrot garden with his own feces.

BONUS footage: MAT READS T-Pain lyrics 

 

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