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    DEAR MOM (Part III): NYC Pigeons Are Even Dumber Than You Think. Blackberry Photo Diary- PLUS: Another Original Poem

    Posted on March 20, 2011 at 07:21 PM

    [ To all Raccoons and fans of Davey Havok, THANK YOU for all your incredible questions and for sharing your personal stories. We’ve selected 10 and are in the process of answering them now. Thank you for being patient. ]

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    Dear Mom,

    My love affair with NYC continues unabated, though I have to say, the pigeons here are fucking idiots. 

    I was enjoying a calm moment yesterday in Christopher Park. (The plaque at the gate tells of the Stonewall Riot that took place here in 1969-- an event widely seen as the birth of the Gay Liberation movement)--

    Anyway, this janky-ass bird is hopping around me, missing a toe BTW, (which I can only imagine happened in some filthy ill-fated rat attack)—Now, normally I wouldn’t have cared, but I’m feeling all lovey-dovey in the sun, so I break off a massive corner of my warmed almond brioche, toss it in his path, and await sweet satisfaction.

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    Cut to 10 MINUTES LATER. I’m rubbing my temples, trying to understand why this maverick is STILL choosing to peck at cold bricks and mortar when he’s clearly within inches of the biggest payday of his life.

    At one point, he FINALLY starts bebopping directly towards the brioche (“It’s go time.”) Then, Mom, I-shit-you-not, he steps OVER it (“What!”), scuttles over to the fence and chokes down a random hunk of green glass.

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    The tipping point came when, after thoroughly exploring a wax Jolly Rancher wrapper, he set his sights on the tampon string under my bench. I stood up and shouted, “ENOUGH!”   Bird Genius took to the air, crooked and erratic- presumably to crash into a parked bus somewhere.  I will never give NYC pigeons another chance. Fuck them all.

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    Sparrows are good birds. They know a good French pastry when they see one. -Flew in and ripped the thing to pieces in a bloodbath of feathers and crumbs.

    Thought you might like to see some of the Blackberry pics I've taken over the last few weeks... 

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    ...and a new poem:

     

    'My Majestic Palm' by M.D.

    Why are you wilting and turning brown?

    I gave you awesome soil,

    Tons of water,

    And I make sure the sun shines on you like a motherfucker.

    I mean, honestly,

    What else do you need?

    You're a plant.

    IMG00986-20110319-1010

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    GUEST RACCOON: DAVEY HAVOK.

    Posted on March 4, 2011 at 03:40 PM

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    Congratulations to our friend Davey Havok who joins the cast of American Idiot on Broadway this week.

    He's kindly agreed to share some of his wisdom with the Raccoon Society, so feel free to submit your question HERE in the 'comment' box. 

    Remember, this is the one place where I and my guests give HONEST advice on virtually any topic that moves you. Nothing is off limits and nothing is too personal to share here. We are all aliens, and we're in this together.  

    xo Mat

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