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2011 YEAR IN REVIEW

@ Molly-Rose. @Hitch Fan. @ Raccoon Society,
Hey Hitch Fan & Raccoon Society, Hey Molly-Rose :)
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I perused a quote about reason and faith, here, so just wanted to leave a quick insight. Times still ticking. So, get ready, like the countdown goes, remember get your dose of Caffeine and ample supply ready, time is here and now, handy keys to the DeLorean, ready, count it down .... 4,3... is seven,2,1... twenty-one go!
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Bringing in “reason” as a debatable perspective is an arbitrary moot inception of hanging on over a cliff after getting caught in suspended animation. In earnest, I’d rather crony up with a like-minded anarchist that befuddles the imposition-ers of faith is somehow equatable to ever be torn asunder by absence of reason as a supposed and dull exploitive of why not to have faith or presumes faith constraints reason. How tired and bored is that perspective, faith is sans reason, etcetera, as how tired and uninspired the word medley of “how tired and uninspired” is in a sentence. Truly, think, open-mindedly, if you are going to stand to incept reason into the mixture.
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Faith is not constraint of reason. Human expectations are the constraint of reason. When you expect an outcome, expecting defies the natural progression of reason and the possibilities of reason, cause and natural common-sense by reason. Esp if an expectation is only geared or rendered for a specific outcome that is meant to propagate a furnished idea – that is what constraints reason and undermines reason. Faith itself is not a constraint in and of itself.

Faith scrutinizes reason in the same manner that reason scrutinizes faith. Even if you are construing my comments in a sense of Biblical faith, (my own affections on Faith is, faith is faith, regardless of own individual’s personal sentiments) it should be applied to bare it as a pertinent truth of your conscience, if it is in tune with your own accordance of Faith. The insight is similar of a notion and passage Mat Devine shared in a previous entry, from the Bible in 1 Thessalonians “"Test all things and cling to that which is good." 1 Thes. 5:2
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The insight is, by mere contemplative states of the least of reality that is truly, utterly, ever known or knowable is dependent upon the realization those that follow the limited intelligence of humanity are no different or variable than those who believe in an infinite power or being. Except, that, the latter ones are not contained w/ limits of other people’s interpretations as to what the individual(s) believe or have faith in believing. In other words, of course, there is an open defiance of censorship. As the effect of censorship in many formulations is non-productive or progressive, plus attempts to suppress individuality and environmental compatibility and functionality. Individuals have an innate right and will, to believe / have faith in what sets their own life in accord with how they truly feel and be able to live according to a sound in-tact own conscience. The utopic is it ought to be a morally/ethically approach that is not projecting undue negative renderances into another person’s life. Give and take , choose battles, our world is further everyday from a utopia considering the majority has shunned itself to ignoring the dystopic qualties that are here right now and that media at large has veiled in elaborate dunce cap shrouding that dystopic societies are in the future although the dystopic future written about as Fiction is actually happening now. If you need hot lead dead giveaway tell-tale, read the Hunger Games. Reality shows and a corresponding match like Survivor and the way our governments handle it citizens and slowly revolve into revolutions is starkly illuminating in contrast to what science and governments would sooner have you believing recently. Citric awakening happens, just like heads up 7-up, goes round by round like kisses on the forehead of what you’re willing to fight for and go to battle.
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Morning tune ready for the day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSkb0kDacjs
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Personally, I think, plus, prefer, to be limitless w/ willingly choosing to have faith in an infinite that harkens possibilities that exuberate all realities and endless potential for the greater good and bless those who are willing with talents that incorporate into their environments rather than something that devoids humanity of its own existence and destroying itself within by the contraptions of limiting itself like is so often seen and has already been duly established by the acts of science and people having a follow mentality to the state of science and scientists own propulsions of ideas and constructed basis’s that are feasibly assembled for mass production to the herd mentality that those of lower I.Q’s or sheer follow mentality will gobble up without having to test and proof it and prove that the theory itself or basis of scientific belief is sketchy. Esp taking into vantage perspective, equal opportunity intelligent licensures that can compute the information readily on-hand and disseminated to be shredded apart by the citizens sans academic luxury degrees handling inspecting statistics, quantities and exacts, in other words, the scientific misnomers blatantly compiled as derivations alleged to be fact sans exact intricate intra-acted ways of actually testing and provable.
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Thus this ///.... “"Faith is the surrender of the mind; it's the surrender of reason, it's the surrender of the only thing that makes us different from other mammals. It's our need to believe, and to surrender our skepticism and our reason, our yearning to discard that and put all our trust or faith in someone or something, that is the sinister thing to me." ~ Christopher Hitchen ...////
The quoted sentiment is also a mentality that ought be evenly distributed and thus applied to science in the same rigor of scrutiny; otherwise, science in a whole would be an easily reasonable standing on reason sham completely. People whom fully put their faith (be earnest and real, that that’s what is happening) into science, as a bunch of atheists often do blindly, are, again, as I wrote briefly to “Fellow Heathen” no different than the people they claim they are different from whom have faith including certain atheists that are attempting to devalue those individuals whom believe faith in God or deity/deities, et al. So, let’s prevent the ostracization by some ethos that eludes incorporating the fragility of the argument done towards only shunning the hypocrisy of its actions in statement, as is clear with the ///....“Of all the supposed virtues, faith must be the most overrated.”...//// bit of the quote. Anyone with a brain embedded permeating reason plus own foresight is able to tear it tinker tape red, pulling apart the fallibility of the application of exclusion. So, well, let’s say it for what it is, for those who may get a bit riled or bewildered by the notion that that Hitchens quote has to be able to stand soundly to its own accord and then some to win over anything in such a debatable topic of query. Which whoever posted it aka the person behind “Hitch Fan” left it to, what is surmised as an attempted permissive gainer for something it isn’t rather than be seen for what it is. It is what it is; so let it stand to be, and let it be what it is.

¶
So, what to do, what to do…carry a smile, just smile at all times, esp. smitten. :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKrbAUjBbvU&ob=av2e
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Charles Kingsley, said, ///....“And we shall be made truly wise if we be made content; content, too, not only with what we can understand, but content with what we do not understand—the habit of mind which theologians call—and rightly—faith in God.”...////
If you consider the application of – ///....“we shall be made truly wise if we be made content; content, too, not only with what we can understand, but content with what we do not understand”...//// – you would sooner or later come to deriving the conclusion, if you apply it to theologians that it would then need fairly be dispersed to be applied to scientists and science’s schematics, as well.
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Since, yes, a bunch did catch the flip-syde subtleties and am no longer so-so much M.I.A on-the-grid stats as prior (except at a backwards C//S, let those bones right ;) and sticking true and loyal to odes n’ codes Patrick Henry stylistic lovers “Give me Liberty or Give me death” stance of a prose writer and a bit of an unconventionalist, by art and its unconfined nature, I’d rather par up with movers and doers and standers, with the following quotes. As, this vantage scope of the playing field is where and why art comes into play and tests the grounds. Art endures. Art offers the companionship of the formidable connections of now, urgency and longevity. Legacy – such a regale atoning attenuation intonation inflection to the word while delivering an infliction to naysayers. Cruxly, appropos, regardless, if all there is, is this, every day, every time, I’d rather know within all is aligned in my soul anytime death knocks. Just, must gotta have something to share and faith upon for all those marvelous and wonder-filled death feats after-all. Nil sin Numine.
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Maybe humanities’ expectations need to be readjusted? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HO1OV5B_JDw
“Skepticism Is The Beginning Of Faith.” ~ Oscar Wilde
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///....“In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't.”...//// ~ Blaise Pascal
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///....“I heard once of an American who so defined faith, "that faculty which enables us to believe things which we know to be untrue." For one, I follow that man. He meant that WE SHALL HAVE AN OPEN MIND, AND NOT LET A LITTLE BIT OF TRUTH CHECK THE RUSH OF THE BIG TRUTH, like a small rock does a railway truck. WE GET THE SMALL TRUTH first. Good! We keep him, and we value him, BUT ALL THE SAME WE MUST NOT LET HIM THINK HIMSELF ALL THE TRUTH IN THE UNIVERSE.”...//// ~ Bram Stoker, Dracula
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///....“We fall from womb to tomb, from one blackness and toward another, remembering little of the one and knowing nothing of the other...except through faith.”...////~ Stephen King
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///....“That in such righteousness /// To them by faith imputed they may find ///
Justification towards God, and peace /// Of conscience.”...//// ~ John Milton
Ciao.
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///catch the captcha exjst9////

NL7, hi-5alive! on January 25, 2012 at 04:11 PM
2011 YEAR IN REVIEW

Mat I recently started my GCSEs and I'm stressing out so much. I've only had two exams so far and they were Maths and History. I have to resit my maths because I didn't get a C and I think I have failed my history exam.
I learned today that you have to get at least a C in Maths, English and Science to be able to get into sixth form and I started crying because I don't think I'll be able to get into sixth form now. But to be able to do what I want when I'm older I'll need to go.

Becky on January 24, 2012 at 03:59 PM
2011 YEAR IN REVIEW

Hey Mat! I think you might find this interesting.. Especially the lack of information we've gotten about ACTA.

http://anonops.blogspot.com/2012/01/things-you-need-to-know-about-acta.html

hanners on January 24, 2012 at 10:18 AM
20 QUESTIONS- Lightning Round PART II: My Breakup with Snooki, Marriage, Music, Public Puking and more...

Mat, what do you think a cure for shyness and when you can't say things right around people you like is ?

Valerie on January 21, 2012 at 01:15 AM
2011 YEAR IN REVIEW

Dear Mat,
I am 16 and I've been invited to my mum's best friend's birthday do in April. She's having it in a posh Hotel and Lodge in the countryside and it sounds great! It's strictly 18+ but I've been told I'm allowed to go which is great!
The catch? I have no idea what to wear. It's advised that girls wear address and, after prom, there is no chance in hell that I will be caught wearing a dress! It made me feel so uncomfortable. So, I need your advice. What should I wear? I don't exactly have a lot of money to spend and I don't want to go looking like someone I'm not. Have you any ideas? Oh, I forgot to mention, it's a masquerade so any thoughts on what type of mask I should go for? Thanks Mat, see you in March.

Hannah

Hannah on January 20, 2012 at 04:27 PM

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Raccoon Society-- Ask Mat--- ROUND 12

Posted on October 28, 2009 at 07:24 AM

click here to follow Mat on Twitter. click here to follow Kill Hannah on Twitter.

Hello from tour.

My sleep deprivation is getting out of hand...

Two days ago, I forgot what state we were in for a split second.. then I turned on the hotel TV and there were like 11 different hunting channels, and I was like, “oh yeahhhh... Arkansas.”

Yesterday we had a scary 16hr drive straight into the infinite Texas horizon. 110mph slicing through the wasteland, flying silent like a UFO. As far as I could see in all directions it was like the surface of Venus… or the set of Hills Have Eyes… I saw real tumbleweeds. I saw constellations.

Right now I’m slouched in the dressing room in Denver. Just outside the door JET is slaying the crowd, but back here my sweaty stage clothes are slaying my nostrils. I smell like the inside of a fucking PetSmart.

I want to let you know just how insanely proud I am of you guys this week. The selection process is getting so brutal, because your submissions are so genuinely interesting. After reading these stories, I hope all you Raccoons are starting to realize just how NORMAL it is to be ABNORMAL these days. You’re obviously not alone.

(Krissy from Hong Kong, Majo, Cinnamon Girl, Nikole, KH182, Jackie, Cat, Misha, Kammy, Rachel, Jessi, Emily, Karressa, etc… I’ll get to you guys soon I swear)

From the bottom of my rotten baby bird heart, I want to THANK my good friend, co-conspirator, and this week’s guest-host William Beckett. I always knew he was clever, but I didn’t expect to be so inspired by the thoughtfulness and honesty with which he approached your inquiries. To the fans of The Academy Is… Welcome to the Raccoon Society. Stay forever.

Join me next week, when I play catch up with my backlog of questions and anecdotes, and when I’ll announce another very special surprise guest.

If you’d like to leave me a question for next week, CLICK HERE, and remember to put ????MAT in the header of the COMMENT.

Pheeeeew! Here we go.

1) FROM Jackie:

Q: ?????MAT: Okay so I have been noticing that most of the sweet, artistic, and good guys tend to be gay or questioning. I know that's not always true but come on, a whole lot of them are. WHY are women being punished so?

I can think of a TON of reasons why women should be punished: You broke up the Beatles and the Sex Pistols, you break our hearts, you crash our cars and you destroyed our ozone w all your aerosol hairspray.

You’re not being punished tho, you’re just hanging out in the wrong places.

Granted, there are certain suburbs and tiny towns where people still feel an intense pressure to conform to obsolete and harmful stereotypes. There’s one guy in school who happens to have a clue about fashion and music… the only guy with clean fingernails who didn’t give you a staph infection when you got to 3^rd base… He’s poetic, soft-spoken and liberated, and surprise surprise: he’s 100 percent Seacrest gay.

I’m happy to tell you, Jackie, towns like yours are disappearing. In most cities it practically rains sensitive hetero guys. Come hang with us in Chicago, or check out a KH or TAI show.

I’m relieved that you have taste and are more drawn towards the creative, sensitive type than the tucked-in button-down, faux-hawked, Axe bodysprayed, beefcake bro-totype (many of whom actually are secretly gay, ironically). -But be careful what you wish for. “Sensitive and artistic” isn't enough of a qualification. Trust me. You want a balance. Try dating a guy who has more hair product than you, who cries more than you do. You’ll get SO bored so fast... 5 months into the relationship you’ll be sneaking peaks at the Tommy Lee Sex Tape, thinking, “why won’t my BF ever gag me with my own thong, pull my hair and call me a slut like that?”

Final thought: If it turns out that the object of your crush happens to be gay, don’t look at it as a disappointment. A gay friend can make the best wingwoman ever… and that’s a gift.

2. FROM Sadie

Q: ?????William, I remember hearing in an interview that you have a slight stutter and lose your words sometimes. I have a stutter (maybe a little worse than yours) and I struggle with it. My friends all tell me it's cute or funny but to me it just feels like I'm losing a battle with myself. I've tried all of the normal tricks (i.e. reading poetry, singing, speaking in rhythm, etc) with minimal success. My parents aren't willing to spend money on a speech therapist simply because we don't HAVE the money which is something I don't want them to have to worry about just so I might be less embarrassed. Do you have any tips/tricks for how to get rid of a stutter or, even, just hide it a little better?

A: Dearest Sadie,

I'm no stranger to the untimely, slave-driving ways of the stutter affliction. In school growing up I would dread being called upon in class to read aloud or field a teacher's question, and it was rarely because I didn't know the answer.

One thing I noticed as I went through useless speech classes and agonizing "Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Pepper" alliteration exercises, is that I would find myself struggling with a word that started with a particular letter (like "P" for instance).

The way that I try and get around using certain words when I feel a block coming is to immediately think of a different way to illustrate the word I was intending to use. For example, if I was trying to say "The Fire exit being blocked poses a potential problem...", to avoid the "P" parade I'd say "The fire exit being blocked could yield unsafe results."

By dodging problematic words in this fashion, I've not only managed to mask my stutter more effectively, but I've greatly improved my vocabulary.

3) FROM Jessi

Q: ?????MAT: What do you tell people that feel like giving up because they have no hope? I'm struggling right now, I had a drug and alcohol problem in 2005-2006 when I was 18. I've been clean since March 6, 2006 but I feel like I'm giving up, that I have nothing left to give. I can't talk to my family about this because they never knew I was into drugs or alcohol. It got to the point where I was sitting on my couch with a bottle of pills and a bottle of Vodka. You all saved me then, but I'm so unsure of myself now it isn't even funny. Any advice or anything would be greatly appreciated, I need a lifeline.

Sometimes I feel like the world is a senseless abyss. -like I'm a fish hooked on a line, not even fighting anymore. Just waiting to be pulled out of the water. Chop off my head and have me for dinner. Other days I feel like a bleeding gazelle, laying on my side in the dry grass while hyenas and vultures eat me alive. Other days I feel like a worm, drowning in a puddle after a rainstorm.

As dark as u feel, you have to understand, we’ve all been there. Welcome to the Black Hearts Club. Where do you think all the best lyrics come from?

Throughout my life, one song has saved me more than any other. I’ll share it with you: Don’t Give Up by Peter Gabriel.

While you’re at it, listen to Why I Have My Grandma’s Sad Eyes. The line at 3:40 is like a prayer: “Universe, wrap your arms around me. Make me strong, so I can take on anyone.”

I hail you for staying clean for so long, and without any help from your family… I hope you understand how huge an accomplishment that is! You should be proud of yourself.

Existentialists like Albert Camus believe that every day you live is an active choice not to kill yourself. The only question now is, where do you go from here?

I believe that every life has an epic purpose. I want you to make a decision today to fight for yourself. Maybe we discover that THIS is your purpose. -to become a shining example for all the wounded Raccoons around the world who are reading your story.

What will the next chapter be?

I’ll be writing about you in 3 months... It’s UP TO YOU what I write. Will you be Jessi “another poor kid who gave up”, or will you be Jessi, “a gladiator who rose from the ashes and refused to be beaten”?

4) FROM Delilah

Q: ???? William, I'm just starting getting into literature and having a knack for uncovering new truths and knowledge… I think that you're very much adept in that department with your eloquent writing and perceptive views in your blog. So what books or movies or poetry or art do you recommend I get into?

A: Dearest Delilah,

Indeed! I have some essential recommendations for you. Oddly enough, I often become more inspired after a great film rather than other story telling mediums like books and poetry. Not to say that I don't dive into a good novel or a compilation of poetry/prose, but I seem to respond more to visual depictions while approaching a writing piece, through people watching or, as in this case, film. Being able to paint a scene and capture imagery with words is a skill that will aid you in becoming a good writer, and I'd urge you to try a writing exercise with any of the films below.

I've gotten some great inspiration from:

The Fall. Directed by Tarsem Singh

Closer. Directed by Mike Nichols.

All of Paul Thomas Anderson's films, including

Magnolia, Punch Drunk Love and There Will Be Blood.

I've gotten some fantastically cryptic and dark material from Stanley Kubrick films, particularly

The Shining, A Clockwork Orange, Full Metal Jacket and Eyes Wide Shut.

Blue Velvet. Directed by David Lynch. And basically ANYTHING by Woody Allen if you feel like being inspired to ramble on for pages and pages.

Some of my favorite poets are Charles Bukowski, Mark Strand and Kim Addonizio.

Books I'd recommend:

East of Eden - John Steinbeck

Atlas Shrugged - Ayn Rand

Slaughterhouse Five - Kurt Vonnegut

And though, compared to Ayn Rand, the ideology is starkly contrasting, Ishmael - Daniel Quinn.

5) FROM Taylor

Q: ????? MAT, Adderall makes me feel kind of insane but it's ok because it rules. My mind starts running on these extensive trails of thought that are completely unrelated and extreme, but it's a totally seamless transition to each. It takes me to the end of one before I think about how I got from making dinner plans to considering the color scheme, fit, and proportions of uniforms from Mars. Does it do that to you, or is my skull kind of just like a playground for crazy shit to bounce around in?

A: See people, this is an example of why you have to be careful self-medicating. Especially in light of some recent high-profile Hollywood tragedies, I don’t want any Raccoons out there experimenting recklessly with prescription drugs. Ok? Serious.

I had a short phase of indulgence years back. Tho my memory is hazy, evidently the nights were pretty wild. My journal entries from that period have titles like, “How I ended up face down on the street next to my scooter” and, “High heel in the toilet”

Taylor, I get the distinct impression that a) you would probably be an amazing fashion designer and b) you are taking way too high a dose and/or mixing it with bong rips of Chronic.

Adderall was designed to help you to focus and to prevent scattered, non sequitur thinking. You know those diet pills your mom takes (AKA housewife speed) where she passionately cleans the house for like 20 hours straight? ---vacuuming all the drapes and waxing areas that no one will ever see—like the underside of the fishtank and shit? That’s closer to the desired effect than what you described.

Ask your doctor if he could prescribe you the low-dose time-release capsules. They are much more manageable and natural feeling. Pls be careful. I want you to be around to design Martian uniforms for our next album. Promise me.

6) FROM Deaira

Q: ?????William. Hi!! I'm a 15 yr old "black" sophomore, in a really diverse high school. Now most people of color cast me out as a weird or odd person because I’m not what they call normal. For ex: I listen to TAI and alternative music... not Kayne west or Lil Wayne (although I do at times) or I’m not up to date with the current hit song. Sometimes I feel really out of place, like I can’t fit in. I always think about just pretending to be someone else to gain that respect I guess from those people. Then again I don’t want to lose who I am as person, because I believe in breaking those stupid stereotypes that classify us by color and everything else dumb- and not who we are as a person. What should I do?

Secondly, this kind of adds to my first problem, but in 15 short years my family and I have moved approximately 18 times (not an exaggeration). I’ve lived everywhere from California, Texas, Illinois and North Carolina to name a few. All this moving has made realize that I can’t get attached to people, because I’ll just end up leaving again. I feel like I shouldn’t socialize and make friends, but I really want to. Being a teenager, I should be out on Fridays having fun but I just don’t want to set myself up and become happy just to get the rug pulled from under me again. It makes me feel worse when I have people who really want to be my friend but I just can’t let them. I’m afraid that this would cause huge problems for me later in life when I really need a FRIEND. Help!!!

A: Dearest Deaira,

I can certainly relate to you on many levels here. My family moved around a lot in a short period of time, making me "the new kid" on 5 occasions in as many years. As a result, it was hard for me to have any close friends for a good portion of my formative years.

While I do think this aided in solidifying my sense of self and individuality in the long run, it didn't make those long loner years any easier. I did find a great group of core friends once we finally settled down, and by this point in time I was a sophomore in high school.

Like you, I marched to the beat of my own Disc Man and didn't fit into any of the segregated groups that most of my peers were so eager to mold themselves into. While the isolation and dirty looks add up, so does your own sense of self and individuality.

The best advice I can give you, is to celebrate being YOU. Others will be drawn to you for this. There are others around you that you may not see that share your perspective, you just have to allow yourself to open up to the possibilities of letting them in.

7) FROM Monica

Q: ?????MAT, I'm a senior in high school, and have yet to find a potential boyfriend. There is absolutely nobody at my school except this one amazing guy. I guess you could say he's the musician at my school. He's everything I look for in a guy, but I can't find the words to say because I don't want to say the wrong thing. My heart also races whenever he is near, and my friends constantly tell me that I'm staring at him during class (I don't even notice it). To sum all this up...basically I need some advice on how to spark up a conversation without looking psycho. I have admired this boy from a far for over 2 years, and time is running out to make my move.

A: Haven’t you learned anything from Twilight?

It’s simple. Tomorrow morning, you’re gonna throw yourself in front of a speeding car in the school parking lot. IF, in a blur of superhuman strength, the “one amazing guy” crushes the car and saves your life while a Paramore ballad starts playing, then you’re IN. IF, however, you wake from a coma 3 weeks from now, in a hospital bed, being fed chocolate pudding while a Kill Hannah ballad is playing, then you’re totally fucked.

J/k, I can totally relate to your dilemma. Where I grew up, there truly were only one or two counter-culture kids in each school that I could relate to. Fortunately, someone invented 24-hr Denny’s, so all the kids wearing Boys Don’t Cry T-shirts tended to find each other pretty naturally. I’m not getting the impression that you and Perfect Boy are in the same clique tho. That’s the problem.

Here’s the deal: I have no idea who said, “opposites attract” but, aside from Heidi Klum and Seal, we all know that’s complete horseshit. There must be common ground. The paradigm for high school class structure is as old as time. The hot boys are into the hottest chicks, and the hottest chicks are into the criminals and local college drop-outs.

Don’t be discouraged tho. In the words of Virgil, “Fortis fortuna adiuvat” (Fortune favors the bold.) –That’s an excellent personal motto for us all to adopt. Now, that doesn’t necessarily mean that the smartest course of action is to write him a long poem in blood or to stage a mugging on his front lawn or something. This is where real life diverges from John Hughes scripts. You’re gonna have to go ninja to get this kid.

Disclaimer: Integrity is vital. I’m not a manipulative person, nor do I advise you to be. (dishonesty is exhausting and tacky) However, social life in HS is a ruthless war zone, and you’re basically attempting to tear down the Berlin Wall here all by yourself. So…I’ll let you play Machiavelli this one time -JUST so you can land Perfect Boy, discover firsthand that he won’t live up to the hype, and go off to college with a clean conscience:

Strategically, the money move is to focus on his best friend. Infiltrate his scene under the radar. Impress him. Bring something to the table. (maybe you’re good with Photoshop and you can design a logo for his band or something?) Make the best friend love you. In a month when you’re finally introduced to Perfect Boy, be polite but then disappear. Never gush. I’m banking that, as a musician, he’s also an egomaniac. As such, if you can play it cool and patient, he’ll stop at nothing to win your attention.

8) FROM Rose

Q: ????William, Hey! Ok, so i have this crush on this guy i met last year in one of my classes, we've become really close but he’s dating this girl he met on the Internet for almost two years. They don’t live in the same country and to top it off she says she loves him when she’s cheated on him 4 times and not only with guys. He asks me what i think he should do about it. i tell give him the pros and cons of it, tho he always just stays with her. Should i give up on this guy?

A: Dearest Rose,

Forgive my bluntness, but you can do better. Although we live in a world culture growing ever more connected by the Internet, we are also falling further from genuine human relationships as a result. In laymen's terms, DON'T TRUST SOME ONE WHO FALLS IN LOVE ON THE INTERNET. Maybe strike up a conversation with the nerdy boy in the back of the class that you haven't noticed glancing at you. You never know, he may still have dial up internet at home, which could be a good thing for you right now!

9) FROM Anthony

Q: ??????MAT When did u realize that u wanted to be a rock star?

Also any tips for a guy who is trying to start a band?

A: Don’t do it. Do something honest instead. Join a gang. Sell drugs. -or be a male prostitute. If I could do it all over, I’d be an international assassin or a jewel thief or a counterfeit artist or something... kidding.. well, kind of..

To quote Hunter S. Thompson: "The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs... There's also a negative side."

To answer your first question, where I grew up in Connecticut, every kid wanted to be either Bono or Tony Hawk. Over time, the healthy kids “grew out of it” -much to the delight of their parents. The sick ones like me never did. We suffer from what’s known as Peter Pan Syndrome –almost all lead singers have it.

Today my feet smell like a fucking ant farm. Running from venue to hotel to other band obligations, I had no time to shower or change clothes. While most of my peers are “upwardly mobile” citizens, proud parents with playdates and stock portfolios, I’m sitting backstage somewhere in Buttfuck Egypt getting Chickenpox from this greasy futon, turning my rank socks inside out to get a third show out of them… -and I wouldn’t trade places w anyone.

To answer your second question, you basically have to commit to poverty. For a full year I ate nothing but eggs. I stirred them over the stove with a screwdriver. That was a good year.

Just stay true to yourself. Most people don't believe in anything, they just obey. You MUST have faith in yourself. At all costs protect your sense of individuality. Ignore all trends. Read Strange Fascination, the David Bowie biography. Get used to the smell of B.O. and the taste of Ramen noodles. Finally, to quote Winston Churchill, “Never, Never, Never Give in.”

10)FROM Sara Marie

Q: ????William, My question will probably seem trivial compared to a lot of other questions on here, but I’d like to ask anyway.

I’m a junior in high school, and since middle school, I’ve had a huge problem with my self-esteem. I was bullied pretty badly in 7th/8th grade, and I didn’t really have any friends. I basically learned to hate everything about myself, and even now that I DO have a good group of friends, I find it hard to see anything good about myself.

Every time I see myself, all I see is the bad. I’m painfully underweight and underdeveloped for my age, due to a thyroid problem, and it makes me feel incredibly unattractive, because I look so much smaller and younger than I am.

I’ve never had a boyfriend, or even been on a date. Friends will tell me my good qualities, but somehow I always feel like I can’t trust what they say, like they do it only to make me feel better. It has caused me a lot of depression over the past year, and there are some days that I feel sick to my stomach and can’t even eat. I hate it so much, because people accuse me of being anorexic, but I’m not!!

My parents make things worse, because they don’t support me in anything, especially not writing, which is the one thing I fell talented in and actually want to pursue. They tell me that I’m going to end up living in a box, and they’ll kick me out of the house and disown me. I want to feel unique and special, but I don’t quite know how.

I’ve tried seeing a therapist, back during my freshman year [at which point I was cutting myself, something I deeply regret and do not do anymore] but she only made me feel worse, as if I were a stupid child who didn’t have any idea what I was talking about.

Have you ever had any self-esteem issues?

Do you have any advice on how I can start liking myself again?

A: Dearest SaraMarie,

Your question is anything but trivial. I can relate. When I was your age I was called "faggot" and "freak" in the hallways for the way I dressed and the music I listened to. I was also very underweight and went through a short bout of anorexia caused by anxiety and low self-esteem. As much as we try to drip dry after a shower of negativity and attacks, it slowly weighs you down. Over time, without a useful release, (like music, writing, friends, dancing, acting, debating, etc.) these feelings can end up drowning you.

The most important thing you need to know from the get-go is that you aren't the only one with self-esteem issues. On the contrary, everyone does. And the same people that bully you or laugh at you or judge you are actually the ones with the biggest self-esteem issues of all. People who look to cut down others to feel satisfied are the ones who need the most help.

Secondly, something you can do daily to help self-medicate, which is where I turn when I feel deflated, is WRITING. Journals and ramblings. All your longings and woes, fears and defeat, beacons of light and sparks of hope. Write about it all. When I make writing a daily habit, everything else in my life feels a lot better. Maybe try and write a story. Use your experiences and your fears.

Create a character on paper (or on screen) that reflects the way that you feel, and tell the rest of the story. Perhaps in perpetuating your own suffering onto a "fictional" character can offer you some clarity and confidence. If you need a place to vent or post stories without fear of being torn down or judged,

I've started a poetry club called MondayEyes that is based in positive reinforcement and encouragement. If writing is truly your passion, where you feel your strength lies, then by all means; EMBRACE IT.

Good art is often a product of peril. Great art is the truthful reflection of overcoming that peril.

11) FROM Veronica

Q: ???????MAT,  I’m 23 years old and I recently inherited a lot of money. About 2 months ago I moved to Taipei. I do what every other foreigner here does, teach English. I have no idea what’s going on about 70% of the time and I have absolutely no clue what I eat every day. Some of my family members call it running away, but I like to think it’s starting my life again, though I don’t think I do the best job of that all the time. Each day has good parts and then always really low parts. My mom passed away about 4 months ago. I’m trying to figure out now what to do with the life insurance money now. One of my sisters wants to get a tattoo for my mom, but my mom hated all of my tattoos. She just wants to feel like my mom is with her every day, which I totally get. My mom would say ‘hell no’ to the tattoo, so that’s out, and I think saving the money would not be very good way to remember her. Her name was Diana, by the way. I was thinking about going to Greece and Cambodia, she always wanted to go to those countries, but there would still be a shit-ton of money left over. Any ideas?

I'm a simple guy just like everyone else. I just want a Delorean, an endless supply of Kumomoto oysters, a subterranean pleasure palace in Dubai, an army of Snow Owls and a golden party raft to be pulled slowly around the ocean by a pod of trained orcas.

I’m truly sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your sisters.

A few thoughts

-I love and admire teachers, but isn’t this strangely thrilling that one as finally admitted to having “no idea what’s going on”? This may be my finest moment. See, Dad, I always told you!

-I understand your sister’s hesitance to disobey your mom by getting a tattoo, but this is a unique case. I see it as not only a very loving gesture, but also a constructive step towards healing. -I have to believe that your mother would’ve allowed this exception to the rule.

-It would be most prudent and wise to save and invest most of your inheritance. As for spending the rest in a respectful way that honors your mother’s memory, here’s an idea: Study deep into your family’s heritage. Research your mom’s life… trace as far back as you can and use some of your funds to plan a multi-country expedition that follows her lineage. Visit distant relatives you never knew you had. -in the process you’ll strengthen family ties, and learn a lot about both your mom and yourself. When you get home, create a hardcover photo book from the trip, dedicated to your mom, and send copies to everyone who loved her.

-IF you’re looking for an IRRESPONSIBLE way to SQUANDER your inheritance… I’ve got one word for you:

greygoosevodkapresentskillhannahtheacademyisandU2performingona

motherfuckinroundtheworldcruisefortattoodheiressesandapriviledged

guestlistofhundredsoftheworldsmostinteresting

peoplecateredbyanthonybourdain

-just throwin that out there.

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Raccoon Society-- Ask Mat--- ROUND 11

Posted on October 20, 2009 at 09:47 PM

click here to follow Mat on Twitter. click here to follow Kill Hannah on Twitter.

Eating: subway veggie on honey oat

Drinking: Cat Amongst the Pigeons shiraz

Listening to: The Cure Disintegration on repeat

Reading: "No bag would have held you, my dear" – my mom’s response to my email thanking her for not drowning me as a bratty child.

Hello, maniacs. I’m typing at you today from Winnipeg. Tonight was the last of the Canadian dates on our tour with Jet.

Last week we were warmly welcomed by a full 2.5hour Nazi dog Gestapo drug search at the border crossing in. (Maybe they didn’t find it funny that, on my customs form, I put 'Milfhunter' as my occupation.)

For those of you who don’t know, Canada is basically a parallel universe. Exactly like America, only… foreign. They love gravy on their fries, except at Taco Bell where they add sour cream. Every hotel has an indoor waterpark. Their most common currency is in the form of colossal $1 and $2 coins, so whenever I sit down, an entire week’s salary falls out and rolls all over the place. Oh, and that stereotype of every man, woman and child guzzling beer and worshiping hockey? Dead on.

It’s a vast, desolate countryside, dotted by remote cities. We’d drive through absolute wilderness for 12 hours at a time. I’d just stare out the window having one of my favorite daydreams… the one about faking my own kidnapping when I get back from tour- about my new life in Paraguay.

I honestly thought Saskatchewan was a fictional name. -like one of the ice planets from Empire Strikes Back. –turns out it’s real place, and we had to play there.

ANYWAY, The blog this week was an absolute hurricane! I’m on 3 days without sleep, and I owe it all to Mikey Way for being my guest-host. There were so many intense and heartfelt stories, we read them all, and wish we could have responded to each one! Breakups, breakdowns, life, death… it’s hard out there for a Raccoon! Think of this community as your sanctuary.

Mikey and I have been friends for over 8 years, and he truly is one of the coolest, most genuinely sensitive guys I’ve ever met. I was so excited for him to lend his unique style and insight to the column. (I also want to thank the MCR fans for bombarding the blog in force. Welcome to the Raccoon Society. You’re welcome to stay as long as you like.)

<<<< Join us next week when my guest will be William Beckett.. In addition to being the dynamic frontman from The Academy Is…,William is a friend from our hometown of Chicago. He’s insanely clever, and excited to hear from you guys. CLICK HERE to leave your question among the COMMENTS. Type either ????WILLIAM or ????MAT in the header to direct your question >>>>

ok let’s roll.

1) Zoe said:

????MIKEY I was wondering if you had any tips on how to deal with nerves/stage fright. Every year my school holds a christmas concert. I've never taking part in it at all before but this year I decided to give it a shot. I have never sang in front if a large crowd before. When I get nervous which can be from reading out in class to talking to a teacher I am close to, I feel dizzy and get shakes throughout my body. All my friends think I can sing and that I should just go for it. I wanted to sing a paramore song such as misery business or that's what you get.

MIKEY: dear zoe,

This is a question that is near and dear to me. It may not be a new subject to a lot of our fans in the know, but I too suffer/have suffered from chronic stage fright. Being in a band with a fear of public performing is kinda like being a penguin that's afraid of the cold. It's a problem that I have had as far back into childhood as I can recall. Unfortunately, there's no definitive answer. I have spent the greater part of a decade trying to figure out that riddle, and have talked in great lengths with doctors and therapists about the subject. I would find someone you know and trust and talk to them about it. There is no shame in going to a therapist to talk out your problems either. It doesn't mean your "crazy". It's really effective to be able to talk to an unbiased person and gain new perspective on your problem. Another great way to conquer your fear is to face it head on. You might find out that your not scared after all. Enter that X-mas concert and knock 'em dead! You might wonder what you were even scared of to begin with.

2) FROM i.M.:

????Mat, So I am a junior in college and I am very anti-social I really don't have any friends I tend keep to myself. I am able to talk to people but I just don't like being around most people. Being shy and anti-social I don't have any luck with girls. I get awkward and shy because I don't know how to approach and talk to them. How can I get out of this anti-social state that I am in? P.S. The new c.d is fuckin' awesome.

MAT: Junior in college? You wrote me just in time, my friend. You’re at a pivotal age.

You’re in good company. Most musicians and artists are antisocial… the best ones at least. But there’s a fine line between good loner (AKA: becoming the lead singer of Joy Division) and bad loner (AKA: growing a beard, building a cabin in Montana, using your own feces as fertilizer for your vegetable garden and mailing bombs to random people.)

I hear you tho. Girls are fuckin scary sometimes. –but you’ll be fine.

Any 10 yr class reunion will prove that shy guys ultimately win. The uber-alpha males from the football team are pumping gas, married to pigs, and the shy kids don’t even show up, ‘cos they’re happy with their cute wives and Porsche roadsters in Cupertino and what’s the point.

Our guitarist, Dan, is the shyest, most antisocial guy I know, yet girls have always drooled over him. Why? Because he exudes a quiet confidence and he can back it up… he’s well-traveled, well-read, and funny as shit.

Using him as your future archetype, here are my recommendations:

DO explore the world. DO the shit that scares you. DO subscribe to Esquire magazine. DO be yourself. DO respect everyone in a non-creepy way. DO NOT expect anything to come easy. DO NOT be afraid of rejection. DO NOT play Dungeons and Dragons. Not even once. A 20-sided die is like vagina kryptonite. Don’t even pick one up.

Beethoven has one of the coolest quotes ever: “Seize Fate by the throat.”

You have to make a decision today that you will actively start building your ‘skill set’ in order to become an interesting person. You are no longer “shy” and “anti-social”. Ok? From now on, you are “smouldery” and “mysterious”.

We are all artists, and by the end of each artist’s days, they must look back on their own lives as his/her greatest work of art. Look at what u do each day and aim towards that goal.

As for approaching girls, you can steal a page from my friend Sandy’s book: throw her a disarming dorky wave and a smile, and when she laughs, motion for her to come to you.

3) Mikey????? How do u deal with fitting in and bullying at school??? I don't have any friends and the teachers think there is something wrong with me because im so quiet. The teachers think i'm playing mind games with them. Anyways lots of people bully me and throw gross stuff at me... Do u have any advice on bullying??? Ur the best in the whole world^-^ also hows being an uncle?? xo B

MIKEY: Dear B,

One of the awful constants about growing up and going to school, are the social obstacles that are waiting for you once you get there. Much like many of you out there, I was indeed bullied in school. I was a "fat kid with glasses"! I pretty much had a gigantic neon sign above my head that said, "pick on me, please!" It's almost a given that it's going to happen to everybody in some way shape or form sometime in your scholastic career. If someone is picking on you, it usually means that there is something that they don't like about themselves. It causes them to lash out on those who can't defend themselves, giving the bully a self esteem boost. You can find comfort in the fact that most of the "popular" kids in school have already reached their apex, and it's only going to be down-hill for a lot of them once school is over. Being picked can also mean that there's something unique and interesting about you, and one day you'll be able to effectively harness that power. See also, "the ugly duckling"

4) FROM Rachel:

?????? Mat

I live in North Texas. My boyfriend lives in England. I met him online. We've been dating for nearly a year. I love him more than anything in the world. I intend on being with him forever. And yeah, all the happy things I could say about him that I'm SURE you can already assume I'd say, should go here.

Anyways, I kept it from my parents for 4 months, because I didn't know how my mother would take it. But I finally told her, and although she was relatively pissed at me, she didn't make me kick him to the curb or anything terrible.

My issue is, I'm waiting 4 years to meet the person I love the most in my life. Well, 2.75 years now. But, still. I have the money to pay for a plane ticket and all expenses, but they don't want me to go see him. Am I being irrational for wanting to meet him now, even before I get out of high school? They're going to be unsupportive even when I do graduate and go, but one day I smarted off and said I was just going to go without their permission and they said I wouldn't have a home when I came back (I'm sure they were being dramatic, but still). Overall, am I being a dramatic teenager? Or do I have a reason to ask them to be reasonable? If so, what should I do to get them to see my side? No matter what, my relationship is going to be okay, which is always a good thing; but I just wish I knew that my parents were supportive of what I wanted for myself.

MAT: This internet age is freaking me out. I feel so out of touch. You’ve been “dating” someone you haven’t met? You’re 15yrs old, and this boy is the love of your life? What, do you have video chats and hump the monitor?

My heart bleeds for all you parents out there in 2009. All my mom and dad had to deal with was the usual stuff: “Mat got drunk at his First Holy Communion” “Mat ran away from home because his sister called him a Homo sapien.” “Mat jumped on the back of a freight train and he’s calling collect from Peoria” “Mat went skiing and he’s in a coma.” “Mat set the school for challenged kids on fire.”

I fully endorse world travel as a learning experience. We should all die with passports FULL of stamps. -but at 15, you need supervision. So, regarding your solo sexcapade in England, I have to side with your parents here. Haven’t you seen the movie Taken?

Chances are, you’re a good judge of character and your “boyfriend” is just a harmless little Brit Myspace boy. I know how those accents can pull you in like a tractor beam, but you haven’t even MET him!

Maybe he has massive whiteheads all over his back… maybe his mouth smells like a dumpster… maybe he has a tail… maybe he sucks at kissing… maybe, and I’m just brainstorming here… he’s.. oh I don’t know... 45yrs-old, utterly INSANE and wants to chop you into little pieces and stir fry you? Maybe he wants to add to his vast collection of young American scalps and nipples? Has he mentioned anything about putting the lotion in the basket?

Call it old-fashioned, but your folks are banking that by the time you graduate, you’ll like someone new who lives in your own country and who, presumably, you’ve met in person. This is one of those rare cases where I advise NOT being a trailblazer. You’re 8 years ahead of schedule. The whole long-distance thing is a gigantic mistake that you should make just after college like everyone else… not now.

compromise: Use the money you saved to fly him to your town for a few days... maybe split the cost…–orrr… does your school have an exchange program? Ps: if it doesn’t work out, make sure you guys stay tight. It’s always a good idea to have as many friends as possible in different countries.

5) Isla Marie said:

MIKEY! I would just like to let you know that I watched an interveiw with you a couple years back and heard you expressin your love for coffee. I decided to try coffee out myself and am now hooked on the stuff. I can't got 6 hours without it. Thankyou :)

MIKEY: Dear Isla Marie,

I have been wanting to address this issue for quite some time now. I realize that you guys and girls truly look up to us, and take the things we say and do to heart. I never really thought about the damage that I would be causing by constantly mentioning that I drink a gallon of coffee a-day in interviews. In meeting fans at shows and in my travels, I am learning that many of you have taken up this awful habit because of my recommendation. Being addicted to coffee isn't something you should strive for and is actually quite bad for you. Caffeine is an addictive and unforgiving substance. If you absolutely must drink it, try and do so in moderation. The way caffeine works is your body adjusts to it, and you have to consume greater quantities in which to get the same "awake" effect, which in turn enslaves you to the "roller-coaster" effect of sweeping highs and crashing lows. Sounds dangerous right? I'm not trying to tell you guys what to do, I'm just advising you proceed with caution when consuming caffeinated beverages. In moderation, it can provide you with a little "kick in the pants" on rough early mornings.

6) FROM Cordelia:

???Mat, Basically, My life is at one of those cliché’d stand stills. I cut myself, and have done so for the past 4 years. I'm willing to accept treatment, but the thing is, my mother refuses to take me to therapy. I've talked to her (she doesn't know about my cutting though.) but she's convinced I won’t get a good job if I'm seeing a shrink. How can I get help, or try and tell her I need a therapist?

MAT: ok… I don’t really know where to begin.

No offense, but your mom is the one who needs therapy. Her priorities may honestly be your long-term health and happiness, but she’s just.. completely lost… on so many levels.

When the Allied powers prevailed in WWII, as one of the terms in the Japanese surrender, they insisted that Emperor Hirohito officially renounce his divinity. This was a major mindfuck. Generations of Japanese had been raised to believe that their emperor was a direct descendant of God. Likewise, there comes a sad day in every kid’s life when you realize that your parents aren’t superhuman and flawless. You seem to be there right now.

It’s absurd that some people still cling to the 1950’s view of therapy as taboo, something only for lunatics.

–and the “good job” part? What the fuck is that? The president of the United States sees a therapist… does your mom think he has a good job?

I’m baffled by her logic. How does she envision this future job interview? “Hi. My name is Cordelia. I’m a complete mess. I’m clinically depressed and I have gnarly self-mutilation scars all over my arms and legs.” “Well thank god you’re not seeing a therapist! You’re hired!” I mean, unless you plan on being an FBI agent, I’m not even sure it’s LEGAL for a potential employer to ask for your psychological history.

Compared to her, you actually seem pretty well adjusted. You’ve identified your behavior as harmful, and you’re seeking professional help. Done. Take your bike and go. There are local clinics that are free and 100% confidential.

You’re gonna be fine, C. cos I said so. I’m a lead singer godamnit and that has to count for something these days. ha.

I’ll make you a deal: The next time you reach for a blade, reach for a pencil and paper instead. -start planning a tattoo that will symbolize the courage and integrity you have to take your life in a new direction and stop cutting. If you keep that promise to me, I’ll even get Kat Von D to do it for you.

7) Deb Draisin said:

?????MIKEY When My Chem was struggling to get off the ground, what kept you hanging in there? How would you advise young artists who are starving and losing hope, and what keeps you from succumbing to burnout now that you have achieved your goals as an artist?

MIKEY: Dear Deb,

This is an extremely popular question and one that I also had when I was growing up. From the age of 9 and on, the only thing I wanted was to be in rock and roll band. I didn't quite know how that was going to happen or if it were humanly possible, I just knew that it was the only thing that I wanted to do. A lot of you probably feel the same exact way that I did. One of the most important pieces of advice that i can give you is to play music for the love and the need for it. Never start a band or project with the idea in your head "I'm gonna be rich and famous!". People can smell shit a mile away and your music will suffer. The music industry isn't the magical land that it was way back when. People don't sell 20 million records off of one hit single anymore. There is a lot of hard work and sacrifice that is going to be waiting for you, but the end result is the most rewarding a wonderful thing you could ever possibly imagine. Your gonna have to bleed and sweat for it, but i think it's worth it.

8) FROM Nikki:

????MAT -I’m an ex-cutter, and music became my way to cope, which led to the dream of being a guitarist. I’m okay at playing, but I’m a girl, and a lot of the guys where i live are like, "Girls can’t play", so i don't get taken seriously.

Do you have any tips on how to get started in following my dreams as a musician? (P.s. My Chem & KillHannah inspire me a lot, so it would be insanely cool if you even considered looking at my question)

First of all, I hail you for turning to music as a productive outlet in those troubling times.

Here’s the deal. Most girls DO suck at guitar… but don’t feel discouraged, most guys do too. Have you turned on a radio lately? It’s fucking chilling how bad these musicians are. But, this is a huge opportunity for you and everyone else with talent… because these days, it’s easier than ever to stand out.

It takes incredibly thick skin and a lot of determination to survive in a cutthroat industry that’s so overwhelmingly male-dominated. Most people don’t realize what a commitment it is for a girl to pursue a career as a guitarist. They sacrifice a lot of ‘girlish’ things: They cut their nails super short, their hands get rough and develop calluses, venues smell like piss, etc…

A couple thoughts:

a) Practice. Relentlessly. In addition to drilling your scales and studying theory, learn a different one of your favorite songs each week. It’ll balance the exercises with a little fun.

b) Beyond your skill, especially as a girl, your reputation will be your greatest equity… and that starts right now. Don’t ever compromise your integrity by sleeping around or using anyone to get ahead.

c) Finally, as for those guys who said, “Girls cant play,”… well they just accidentally became your strongest motivation. Grab some duct tape and write, GIRLS CAN’T PLAY huge on the ceiling above your bed. Around it, post pics of Jennifer Batten, Orianthia, Joan Jett, Hole, and Melissa Auf Der Maur.

Your greatest revenge will be the look on their faces when they see that your new band is on tour with KH and MCR in a couple years. Also, remember, when you make your first Grammy acceptance speech, don’t thank God. Instead, thank “those guys back in my hometown who told me I couldn’t do it. You know who you are. I’ll toast you from Jay-Z ‘s yacht later tonight.”

t it was way back when. People don't sell 20 million records off of one hit single anymore. There is a lot of hard work and sacrifice that is going to be waiting for you, but the end result is the most rewarding a wonderful thing you could ever possibly imagine. Your gonna have to bleed and sweat for it, but i think it's worth it.

9) Violet Stubbs said:

??? Mikey, I should start out by saying I have REALLY shitty eyesight. It's only getting worse. My friend suggested Lasik Eye Surgery, but if there's anything that gives me the willies, it's doctors. They freak me the fuck out. My friend is a total fangirl, and read that you'd had Lasik Surgery in the past. So my question is, is it worth it? Should I sacrifice my mental health just to get rid of my glasses? (I'm the kind of person who goes to the doctor, like, once every year and a half. Everytime i do, i either end up hyperventilating in the waiting room, or end up panicking and driving away before the people call me back.) Thanks for reading, A really freaked out fan.

Dear Violet,

The decision to get Lasik surgery was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I had worn glasses since elementary school up until that point. The whole operation is a lot less scary than it sounds and it has improved my life a thousand fold. Wearing glasses while playing live is one of the hardest things you can imagine, and it was making everything really stressful for me. If you have ever seen our band live, you know the amount of energy and chaos that ensues onstage. I would have make contraptions out of string and rubber bands (that didn't work very well) to make sure they didn't fly off my head. The intense heat at some venues onstage was also causing them to fog up to the point where I couldn't see. The actual operation takes about a half of an hour, and is completely painless. When you leave the operation, you can see without your glasses for the most part. As the days goes by, the discomfort and itchiness go away and it feels like there's some sand in your eyes. I can't describe how phenomenal it was to wake up and clearly see the time on the alarm-clock without my glasses for the first time. I highly recommend this surgery to anyone who is interested in it.

10) FROM Rose:

????Mat, I have a sad question about a very sad and strange aspect of me. Have you met people with retarded phobias? (ie: monkeys, clowns, getting their ankles sawed off as they climb into bed?) Well, I have too but I have also never met another person with Philemaphobia.

The thought of any mouth to mouth contact makes me want to crawl out of my skin and hide under the sand. I get shaky, I get awkward and stiff, my hands sweat and I say the most ridiculous things to get out of the situation. It's just pure terror and I can't bring myself to grow any sort of attachment to people, whether or not it's family or a possible relationship even though, lately, I really have wanted to.

This fear is ridiculous and I can see this completely and agree with it but I cannot get over it. So, I am asking you if you have any idea what I can do to get help for this because I honestly think I'd get laughed out of any office for saying "I am completely terrified of making out with that hot guy over there". Thx

MAT: First of all, there’s nothing “retarded” at all about being scared of monkeys or clowns… they both use a guise of playfulness to lure and kill children… that’s just common sense.

Secondly, is it just me, or do all these uncommon phobias and rare medical conditions make great death-metal band names? Check out some sun allergies like Polymorphous Light Eruption, Actinic Prurigo, or Solar Urticaria. So evil sounding! So Scandinavian!

Seriously tho, I feel your pain. It seems laughable, but most people don’t understand how agonizing it is to be crippled by an irrational fear that you feel helpless to control. You aren’t helpless tho.

Phobias arise from a combination of external events (i.e. traumatic events) and internal predispositions (i.e. heredity or genetics). Your fear of kissing, (which I have a fear of mispronouncing) can probably be traced back to a specific triggering event, (usually a traumatic experience in childhood).

I hate to speculate what that event was, but it’s possible that you may not even remember it yourself. Hypnotherapy may actually be your best solution for identifying the issues behind your phobia… it sounds bizarre and New Age, but it’s totally legit. Combined with some psychological counseling- you should be cool.

Try it… then go buy 10 packs of Trident Mangoberry gum. -because once I give you advice on HOW to kiss, (no aggressive face rape, no darty tongue, no slobber, what to do with your hands, erogenous zones, etc…) you’ll be fighting off the boys with a stick.

11) Ashley said:

????MIKEY Did you enjoy high school? What would your advice be for teenagers who are in high school right now?

Dear Ashley,

Much like 95 percent of teenagers, i hated high school with a fiery hot passion. There are so many mentally and emotionally taxing aspects of it all, but looking back now I see what was positive about it all. High school is one of those things that you don't appreciate until much later in life. Times were so much simpler. The only shit you had to worry about was homework, what you were gonna wear, and getting there on time. Sure, other kids can be mean, you have to wake up unbearably early and your video game time gets impeded, but its a necessary evil. The best advice i could give is to just stick in there, kiddo. It's only four years of your life, and the social and political skills will come in handy to you later on in life. There's always at least one teacher that you connect to that and be forever indebted to for helping you find/cultivate certain life talents as well.

12) FROM ECL

?????MAT

Right now I'm feeling really uninspired, and listless, and just generally exhausted. I have to do a lot of writing in school, which is normally easy for me, but now it's just like I have nothing I want to say, and this really bothers me.

School is way too much work this year, and we're moving, so my whole life is really hectic and we don't even have tables or chairs in the house, or food, or anything except ugly decorative pillows (Tess, by now you have realized this is me. Hi.) -and fake plants that our real estate agent brought in. Our couch smells like formaldehyde because it got sprayed with some aerosol shit to get rid of wrinkles or whatever, but that doesn't really have a lot to do with my question, which is:

What do I need to do to wake myself up and feel like a real and interesting person again? I'm thinking of some sort of grand adventure (though I don't know when I'll find time), or maybe just a really, REALLY good book or album. Both, maybe? I don't know. But I feel like I need to take a break from everything that's been going on, and nothing's really working.

Toxic fumes are the worst. Last time I got back from tour, my Radon detector would not stop blaring, so I dismantled it and threw it in the garbage. -and I’M the one giving YOU advice?

I feel you. Your description is eerie. Fake plants, fake people, and your couch smells like urinal cakes. I’m impressed that you only feel “uninspired”, ECL… you should feel fucking terrified.

This is when a lot of people would turn to drugs, and it makes perfect sense. -But fight that tendency. You can’t hide forever, but a quick and calculated escape can jumpstart your creative juices and put life in perspective. Here are some things you can do to feel inspired again:

a) Throw a party in a hotel room in your town. You can get a suite in a 4-star hotel on Orbitz for like $100... -stay for 3 days. wear a tuxedo.

b) Get on the wrong bus or train.. ride it til it ends. Disembark and explore.

c) Read We the Living by Ayn Rand… or the memoirs of a really interesting person. I get inspired people who started with dirt and ended up titans. (Andrew Carnegie, John D. Rockefeller, Ozzy Osbourne, Richard Branson etc...) ALSO, buy the book, Break-Out! Famous Prison Escapes. It’ll remind you that anything is possible.

d) Work at a soup kitchen for a day; You’ll feed the homeless AND get badass fashion ideas!

e) Get a bold haircut. (Bold. Different. Not stupid.)

f) Listen to Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead. it may depress you, but at the very least it will remind you how different you are from your stale family and how you’re striving for something more

g) …and finally, I’ll give you my super secret creative serum: St. Germain. It’s an elderberry liquor. Drink it on the rocks with some Hendrick’s gin and a splash of champagne or soda. Breathe through your nose and good ideas will come to you.

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Raccoon Society-- Ask Mat--- ROUND 10

Posted on October 12, 2009 at 09:55 AM

click here to follow Mat on Twitter. click here to follow Kill Hannah on Twitter.

Calling all Raccoons… Welcome to Week #10 of ASK MAT.

Hope you’re feeling rested. I am… not. I look like a wax death mask of myself.

I rarely discuss current events on here, but when I heard that our country is firing missiles into the surface of the moon, that caught my attention.

Many people like myself have wondered, and the answer is NO… that although our actions may say otherwise, the USA does not technically “own” the moon.

It’s been out there almost literally forever... causing the tides, being largely responsible for the very existence of life on our planet. It’s in ‘synchronous rotation,’ which means we always see the same side. -The side that looks like Micky Rourke’s head. It’s seen better days. –well over 30,000 impact craters from asteroids through the ages. But she's still shining.

That very same moon, which continues to inspire poets, musicians, artists and countless others around the world… -That very same moon, which That very same moon, which continues to inspire poets, musicians, artists and countless others around the world… -That very same moon, which in ancient times was worshiped as a deity… No, America doesn't OWN it, but it turns out we can pretty much fire rockets at it without anyone’s permission whatsoever.

Great topics this week! I actually answered some bonus questions by Shelly, Aus Rocker, Nikole, Megan, Rachel Taylor, Aurey and others that I’ll post later. (Michael Veloz... thank you for the offer to perform at your Air Force base. Please email Bethany@davisartistmanagement.com to see if we can make it happen.)

A very special THANK YOU to BAM MARGERA (and his wife Missy) for your contribution this week! It means so much to me and to the fans that you took the time.

<<<<<<My guest on NEXT WEEK’s Ask Mat will be my good friend MIKEY WAY from MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE...... CLICK HERE to leave a question for him in the COMMENTS… just add “???MIKEY” to the header so we know it’s a question for him.>>>>>>>

Here we go.

1) from Danielle:

???????? MAT,

You've heard of the H1N1 virus going around right? Well, I am one of the people who has the evil virus, and I feel like I am starting to lose hope. Whenever I talk to my friends they all say "you better not die", which freaks me out because I don't want to think of this virus taking my life at the age of 16 when I still have years of living to do and a lot to learn. I'm trying to stay optimistic as much as I can and I know that I will eventually get better, just right now I feel like I'm not getting any better. The more I see things on the news about people dying or getting hospitalized from this virus it scares me. Well I was just curious but do you have any advice for me?

Yes. Stop freaking yourself out. Stop watching the TV. The press sell newspapers by sensationalizing and exaggerating threats to fuel our collective paranoia. It works doesn't it?

FACT: In the United States the mortality rate for H1N1 is way low… something like 0.46% for known cases (it could be far lower since health officials believe there are another million people out there who don’t even know they’re infected)

You may already be taking Tamiflu or Relenza, but most people make a full recovery without medical attention of any kind. Just take care of yourself… ok? Tell your posse that you have to lay low for a bit. No more 3-day benders in Atlantic City with Jeremy Piven. No more orgies, wet T-shirt contests, cockfights, illegal raves or Harley Davidson rallies.. ok? Liquids, rest, Gatoraide, chicken soup, etc… You'll be ok.

While you are out of commission… think of ways to milk the situation for sympathy... Customize a t-shirt like:

“I survived a pandemic and all I got was the new Kill Hannah CD (which AP Magazine rated a disappointing 3/5 stars)”

“H1N1 is for lovers”

2)FROM LegsMahoney

???????BAM

I would just like to say that you, sir, have an extraordinary sense of humor and I love everything you've ever put your name on. Tell Jicaso I still want a picture of him with his shirt off, surrounded by kittens..(autographed of course)

A)...in CKY2K...what is the name of the song or band that performs the song after you burn down the rental car.(It sounds like a chick with an orchestra). Been tryin to figure that out for years now.

B) Can you ask Novak on tape why his dog’s breath smells so bad? (so we lucky viewers can see his freakout that I’ve heard you guys talk about on your radio show?)

Cheers

Ps: I saw that you despised Serbia and all its inhabitants on the Gumball 3000 movie. If you ever go back, just say "JEBEM TI SUNCE"!! (It means, "I fuck your sunshine!")

BAM: The band is Believer, they are actually opening for CKY on Halloween this year. As far as Serbia, I actually liked it there a lot. It was just the prime time definition of a 3^rd-world country. Bombed-out buildings, horse & buggies, people selling corn on the side of the road and 3 legged dogs screwing. Yeah, Novak's dog’s breath smells like SHIT!

3) FROM Elizabeth

?????Mat

Dancing, though it makes everyone look completely retarded, is super fun. Do you enjoy dancing? if so- what do you like to dance to? and how do you dance?  I'm not a fan of rap but I randomly find myself getting out there and dancing to it every once in a while. Do you get that urge from time to time also, and end up someplace just shaking your hips/grinding? or do you think that type of thing is totally ridiculous and gross?

Have you heard Mark Twain’s famous quote, “Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth."? Well, most of that is bullshit... but he got the dancing part right.

If you'd asked me this when I was 14, I’d have said, “stick to slowdancing, and only to LoveSong by The Cure.” –but I’ve evolved a little. -for better or worse.

Most people realize too late that insecurity and self-awareness are huge turn offs. By the time they develop the correct ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude, they’re too old to reap the glory. They’re humping on the disinterested secretary at the office party or they’re like 60 and doing the Macarena down Bourbon Street and it’s tacky and gross. Don’t let them ruin the concept of dancing for all of us.

You know how old people drive like they're blind? You know how they walk across busy streets and make you slam on your brakes? Well, they aren’t clueless… -they’re fucking fearless. Like, “I’m ready to die, what can you possibly do to me now?” It’s how Evil Knievel felt when he was 4, it’s how I started feeling around junior year, and that’s how you should feel now.

On first dates, always ask to be picked up in a car. You can tell how someone fucks by the way that they drive. Fluid and confident vs. erratic and cautious. Likewise, one’s sense of song choice, rhythm and body movement is an even more direct window into their personality. I think it’s cool as hell that you dance to hip hop. Spin some classic west coast anthems and I’m right there with you. (i'm a sucker for DRE: Keep Their Heads Ringin')

That said, there are some things that one should NEVER do on a dancefloor. I hereby forbid all Raccoons from line-dancing to country music under ANY circumstances. That shit gives me the chills. And can someone please tell me where I was the day that everyone in my generation somehow learned the Electric Slide? Where was I? I feel like absolute immigrant at weddings.

4) FROM Judy

?????? BAM.

I came out of a heartbreaking long-term relationship and had been depressed up until this past summer. I couldn't talk to guys and all i wanted was my ex-boyfriend. -But i moved on and had wanted to start dating but with no luck, and my self-esteem just dropped, since it was confirmed that my ex had cheated on me literally all of last year.

So, since last month I’ve decided to stop looking because i should focus on the new semester and graduating soon. However, guys started to flock to me when class started and I am not sure what to do...four of them kissed me in the course of one week. I was very surprised. It is certainly a weird change, but none of them are my type and I'm not sure about dating or seeing anyone at this point.

a) How could i turn them down without offending them? (They are really great guys to hang out with, and I’d like to just be friends. None of them are my type and I just couldn't see myself with them.)

b) Should I give it a try and test the waters? (I've been so out of the game since I've been with my ex for five years.)

BAM: I would say enjoy being single! Focus on yourself. Go out with your girlfriends and just live it up the last semester of school. I wouldn't worry about offending those guys. You can hook up with someone and then decide you aren't into it. No further explanation needed. I would just say something along the lines of, "I'm not looking for a relationship, but I think you're really nice. Let's just be friends." If they can't take that, then I would just tell them to pop off!

5) FROM Alexis

I like a boy and he seemed to like me so I approached him last week and struck up a random conversation. We've spoken a lot since and he seems to find me both amusing and/or mental.  My question - if I ask for his number will that seem overly keen since I am the one that approached him in the first place? Ordinarily, I would have lost interest by now but I feel like I want to throw up (heart-related matters = nausea) even though he once used the word 'minging' and has never heard of Sylvia Plath. I cannot help myself. Congratulations on the new album, I can't wait for Kill Hannah to return to the UK. x x x x

British slang is so godamn cute (for us 'Yanks', 'minging' means ugly and dirty- as in, ‘I just contracted Scurvy from touching Mat’s minging tour shirt. FML.”)

If you feel like barfing, that’s a great sign! You may actually like this feeble-minded monster. Jk. Being clever as you are, that’s probably a rare thing. Years ago i scribbled a verse called, ‘too smart to fall in love’ about how grim the odds are for jaded skeptics—i wondered, "can they ever be floored again?" It seems like you have been.

Yes, of course ask for his digits. It’s refreshing when a girl takes initiative. Work it into the conversation like, “Oh, let me make sure I have your number so I can text you if we all go out later.” The trick, however, will be in not using the number for at least a few days... even then only for strategic texting. (not my style but I’m told it’s the rule.) Then comes the delicate game of hiding your true feelings and ignoring him JUST the right amount. Isn’t courtship exhausting? I mean… fun?

As for your first rendezvous… Record stores make the perfect neutral meeting ground. -and hey, you live in a country where they actually still exist!

One last thought, Alexis: A lot of what we learn comes from outside the classroom… don’t judge this kid too harshly... instead, maybe bring him a used ‘minging’ copy of The Bell Jar one day. You can be the first to tell him about Plath’s gas stove suicide… you never know…maybe there’s a romantic in him just waiting to be discovered.

6) FROM This

??? Mat/Bam

How often do you find yourself experiencing out of body, paralyzed, or possessed? meaning, have you ever discovered yourself away from yourself?

BAM: Only once. I was 23 years old and in Copenhagen. I was out of my mind on booze and pills then I ate $100 of weed. I lost my mind that night.

MAT: The first and last time I ever tried Yoga I was paralyzed for like 3 days. I find myself paralyzed whenever I order a cheese sandwich, and the person behind the counter has to ask a manager if they are “allowed to make that." Also, and most intensely, I’m routinely paralyzed by the sight of anyone, anywhere, picking up dogshit in a plastic bag. I will never EVER get over that. I think dogwalkers should be paid at least $750/hr. If you are a dog owner, I beg you: just think about what you’re doing, and let me remind you: We are a highly advanced civilized race. THAT is a dog. I love dogs, but they should be picking up OUR shit. That’s how a pecking order works.

If you can leave the warmth of your bed to take your dog outside, stand there while he finds a sweet little spot to crouch and strain to relieve himself… if you can watch that without gagging, then you’re twisted. Straight up. IF you THEN, proceed to PICK UP the fresh steaming shit in a plastic bag with your hand and carry it for a block without vomiting all over yourself, then you are actively engaging in fecalphelia and YOU ARE A MYSTERY TO ME.

I really struggle with this subject. Am I an alien? Am i? I sure feel like one. Someone please help me to eradicate this disturbing behavior.

7) FROM Leah

???????? Mat, it feels like everyone around me has started smoking pot and drinking. I have little to no desire to consume alcohol due to a very weak stomach, but am I missing out by not trying pot? What are the munchies like? Will I really gain weight if I smoke? At best I figure I'll give it a shot once I'm a bit older and know for certain that it's not a product of peer pressure and all that bullshit. xo

Leah, What is it about you that makes everyone around you need to drink and smoke weed? Kidding. It’s prob not you.

A few thoughts:

a) Fortunately, you’re asking me this question and not our guitar tech, Wooter. 5 minutes on the phone and he’ll convince you to sell your dead grandmother’s wedding ring for half an ounce of white widow cush.

b) I hail you for not giving in to peer pressure. I was the exact same way. it’s easy when everyone else looks kind of ridiculous isn’t it? This band would not have existed if I had smoked weed in HS and college. For years I was possessed and determined to achieve the same singular goal, and I’m absolutely certain that pot would have dulled that edge and lead to a comfortably numb failure. Conveniently, I also saved thousands and thousands of dollars by waiting til the band was semi-successful so I could get it for free.

c) I used to hate hippies. Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE HATE. These days, even though they hit me in the bridge of my nose with a fucking Frisbee at Lollapalooza last year, I’m more tolerant. There’s a west-coast-Coachella-surfer-thing that merged somehow with the Brooklyn-Nylon-scenester-on-a-Sunday-afternoon-thing last year, and I’m kind of drawn to their mellow attitude and comfy fabrics.

d) I hesitate to give advice on weed since everyone’s chemistry is different and all strains and doses are as well. I’ve had a full kaleidoscope of experiences, from mild to intense, from enlightening and hilarious to deeply depressing and evil. Generally tho, I’d describe it as an artificial means to, in effect, lower my standards...-which is one of many ways to cope with the stress of never ever being satisfied... ever. Unfunny shit gets funny, uninteresting shit is fascinating... and if you smoke enough, you start thinking about space and time and the cosmos and your own breathing. You may fixate on the sound of your own voice echoing in your skull, and may or may not learn that you haven’t spoken at all in an hour and half.

In a world where aspirations and needs are almost impossible to achieve, smoking pot kind of CREATES new needs that are insanely easy to fulfill. Like, “If i had a jelly donut, i'd be extremely happy right now.” That’s the pleasure.. because for that brief amount of time, it makes the simplest things… kinda... weird and fresh again. That’s a very broad and academic explanation…although anything can happen: for example, the first time I ever smoked I was alone at night in my dormroom. I answered the door about a dozen times, even though no one was ever truly knocking, and I swear I saw a ninja running across a roof in the quad.

It's fun sometimes to partially obscure the mental mechanisms we've built throughout our lives that help us to understand and filter the sensory stimulation we receive. It's not so fun to utterly demolish those filters. Imagine being in a stormy sea without a map or compass. That was me last year at my manager's house... staring at his daughter's Elmo poster for 4 hours in sheer terror, while everyone else was enjoying a chill afternoon BBQ.

e) The munchies are an interesting phenomenon… I imagine it’s the closest thing to feeling 7-months pregnant. You get tension in your belly and an insatiable appetite for strange foods. -As well as a heightened sense of sight, touch and taste which makes unusual textures, temperatures and flavor combinations seem tremendously appealing. Your friend will march valiantly into your room, beaming with pride. He’ll be holding a Domino’s menu. Yes, young Spartacus, they are still delivering at 3am. You will worship him like he is Charlton Heston as Moses holding the fucking stone tablet from Mount Sinai or whatever the fuck. You can probably save a lot of time here by recording yourself saying, “Oh sweet mother of GOD. This tastes fucking insane,” because that’s all you’re gonna say for the next 2.5 hours.

In that state, were you to visit a supermarket, you’d SWEAR that it was designed strictly for potheads. All the vivid colors and the funny names of the foods… Sure, they’re marketed to kids, but they’re really for stoners. Just look at a Cheetos bag. Look at Fruity Pebbles. What the fuck is a Funyun? I have no idea but I need 3 bags. Look at Taco Bell’s ENTIRE menu. 7-layer taco dip? What, 5 layers weren’t enough? Oh that’s right. You’re high.

f) Bottom line: Yes, you are missing out on something. -But it will always be there. Focus on your goals. Wait til you think you’re ready, and then do it with a positive attitude... in the spirit of exploration and knowledge…not just to fit in.

8) FROM Ladyparts

??????BAM?

I remember the CKY/ early Jackass days, and thinking that all of that random shit you guys got into was pretty much what my friends and I do... only on TV. So (at risk of sounding somewhat condescending, but not meaning to at all) how exactly did you convince MTV that you were awesome enough for them to throw money at you?

ps: when you did the Viva La Marriage show with Missy, I couldn't help but be struck by what an absolutely adorable girl that she is (in a totally strait way... probably). Is it against the rules for me to ask you how you all are doing, and-- more so-- how you make a marriage work with all them nasty groupie sluts up in your junx? (I know that she has to get jealous... I would be jealous. She has the power of a goddess if she doesn't feel insecure about that stuff sometimes.)

Much love to you, and to Missy!

BAM: The fact that I was already sponsored by skate companies showed MTV that I was somewhat of a professional. They met most of my friends thru watching CKY videos. That's actually how they found me, they called Fairman's, our local skate shop, and asked if they could get in touch with me. And I assume the money man at MTV hit it off pretty well with my manager!! As far as Missy and I go, we are doing really well. She has a pretty high tolerance for nasty groupie sluts!!!

9) from LAIKA:

I have surrounded myself with truly toxic friends! I leave for college in less than a year but I’m stuck in the dilemma to have no life or to continue to be hurt by my shitty friends. It’s just hard to realize you’ve taken the wrong path. This problem is really causing me a lot of angst and I need your input! Thanks so much! Life long fan.

Hopefully by writing this question out you realize how absurd it is. I’m not going to take much time here to put this elegantly, because it’s such a rudimentary situation.

So.. off the cuff:

Don’t panic. Paths are interesting things. They almost never end.. they just keep branching off. Everyone has had toxic friends before. When I was 8 I hung out with a 15-yr old named David Macintosh who literally made me stand in his goal while he kicked soccer balls at my face all day. Occasionally he would trip me or punch me in the solar plexus. I kept going back cos I liked the guy... and he had porn. -But I was EIGHT.

Definitely ditch your shitty friends. ASAP. I understand the pressure to stay in the intellectual ghetto, but trust me... an interesting and unexpected thing will happen when you have the courage to leave: They will respect you. One or two may even follow you. This little group of minions won’t last forever…you said it, and believe me, they already know that you're in a different league.

You have less than a year. That’s chump change! Something tells me that your klan of skallywags doesn't exactly require a 2-week formal resignation, so just make the decision and immediately sign up for as many extracurriculars as you possibly can…Yoga, Photography, Cartography, Ice Carving, Bull Fighting, Espionage, .. whatever.. just learn, learn, learn…

10) FROM Jim Huston

???? BAM.

i was wondering what's going on with the Dreamseller movie.

Also, will there be any more shows or anything? Thanks.

BAM: They are on the 5th rewrite of the Dreamseller script and it just keeps getting worse. (Personally I liked the 2nd version best)

At this point, I’d say its Doomed!!!

Spike TV just signed on for 8 episodes, it's basically Viva La Bam on tour... We'll be traveling thru Europe and Australia.

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Raccoon Society-- Ask Mat--- ROUND 9

Posted on October 5, 2009 at 07:40 PM

click here to follow Mat on Twitter. click here to follow Kill Hannah on Twitter.

Listening to: the soundtrack to my antisocial autumn college days: Magnetic fields, sonic youth, cure, new order, pixies

Drinking: layercake shiraz, Coppola Claret, miso soup, Cakebread Cellars 2005 cab

Eating: Mike and Ikes

Reading: The Early Ayn Rand : unpublished fiction, MAXIM

Typing at you from my hotel in Colorado. It’s 5am and Greg is sleepfarting in the other bed every 10 minutes, wrapped up in blankets like a burrito, swimming in sweet oblivion. In his body’s defense, we still haven’t fully recovered from the Wake Up the Sleepers record release slumber party pillow fight at Angels and Kings in Chicago 3 days ago. It just demolished us… arose the next afternoon with my boots still on, tied together somehow, beyond dehydrated… my head felt like a giant salt lick. Thankfully my voice returned in time for tonight’s show in Denver, although this fucking lazy eye may be permanent. Nice little souvenir for me. See the evidence of debauchery here.

I want to thank my personal sensei, BENJI MADDEN, for taking the time to bestow some excellent advice upon the Raccoon Society this week. All the Madden brothers are incredibly generous in terms of friends and fans, and Benjamin has gone above and beyond here, handling some of your heavy topics with ease.

<<<My guest on next week’s ASK MAT will be BAM MARGERA. If you’d like to address a personal story or question to him, just put ????BAM at the top of your comment. This is a very rare chance for you to seek guidance from a good friend who continues to lead one of the fullest, most intense lives imaginable.>>>

Finally, thank you to all the Raccoons and new visitors for contributing. I love the range of topics and the fearlessness you have to trust this community with sensitive material. I do have one request tho: I’m running out of Adderall, so try to convey your stories and questions as efficiently as possible. Don’t tempt me to start paraphrasing the whole column down into A.D.D.-friendly Twitter format... imagine that:

Q: <3 you mat. xkim. 16y. stepdad abuse. issues with men x100. scared. alone.

A: kim, be strong. stepdad=c@cksucker. escape. find art. you>your fam.

Ok let’s roll.

1) FROM Alexandria

??????Benji,

Recently the guy that I have been dating asked me to move in with him next year after I finish this year of college. I excitedly said yes, of course, because I do love him. Well last night I was at a party with a bunch of my friends, and a friend of mine asked me why my BF wouldn't move down here, since I'm in college and he isn't. I didn't have an answer for her.

So today I asked my boyfriend, if need be, would he move down here for me, so I could stay in college. He asked why, and I explained that the college where he lives is 4 times as expensive as the one that I'm going to now. This being said, he told me that in all honesty, NO, he would not move down here because he has "too much going for him where he lives now"...I'm just really confused. I mean, don't get me wrong, we love each other. I'm just not sure as to why I should be the one to uproot my life. Any advice?

Alexandria, (And anyone else with a similar situation.)

This is kind of a textbook young relationship problem. I'm guessing you are probably 19 or 20, being that you just finished your 1st year of college. Congrats by the way. This is an important time in your life. you’re figuring out what you want to do with your future, preparing to try and make your dreams come true.

Here are a couple scenarios:

a.Your dream is to be married and have kids right now, and this guy has a great career and you r comfortable having him support you and be the family provider… well then, by all means drop everything and go be with this guy (not the best move in my opinion)

b. YOU are going to college for a reason: you have other goals. you love this guy however you have your own priorities. Well then you gotta keep you r priorities straight. There will come a day when you are a little older when you have other responsibilities and commitments and your life will in a way belong to other people.

Right now is your time to do everything you want to do. get your education. figure out your dreams. and ANYONE who really loves you, will support this thru and thru no matter what it takes.

SO there is no reason why you can't have both. If you both love each other then you will do what it takes to support EACHother’s happiness. and if he isn't down well.... that says a lot.
SO in my opinion. stay in the school you want to be at. Make your future YOUR number one priority. Whatever you want that future to be. Good luck!!

2) FROM Matt

??????DEAR MAT: I'm in Chicago for a while. When I first got here I saw this beautiful girl, (pale skin, dark eyes, bright crimson lips) who reminded me of some sort of Russian countess, she was reading Dostoyesky. I then saw her working at a store on Michigan avenue, where she was very friendly to everyone and I caught her singing Depeche Mode and talking about the opera to a customer. I think she was also outside the Kill Hannah afterparty on the phone, she was with this other girl, and I also saw another dude with a pink robe; I wish I was allowed in. If she was there that means she's probably older than I am. I'm a tall skinny 18 year old guy who dresses in hoodies and jeans all the time, and she seems like so idealistically sophisticated. Questions.... 1.) How can a guy like me get a girl like that? 2.) You seem to also have similairities with her, is it like Chicago thing? 3.) Where in Chicago can I meet girls like that? 4.) What's one Chicago food place I gotta go before I leave? thanks. Wake up the sleepers KICKS FUCKING ASS by the way!

1) Ok Matt. First of all, you have a great name and great taste in girls. Judging from the criteria you described, the object of your teen beat obsession is either Alexandra, Kristina or Alejandra.

Check the links to see their photos from the party. All three are brooding, cool and cultured. The good news is, not a single one of them left her apartment this morning saying, “God, I really hope a younger guy doesn’t flatter me today.”

When I was young, I was terrified to take my shirt off in public. I looked like Gollum. My torso was basically an exoskeleton. Not only were all my ribs and concave breastplate exposed in vivid detail, you could actually see my little bird heart beating thru the thin, mole-covered skin between my miniscule nipples. The unattainable male Ideal at that time was buff, tan, studly and also somehow a master at both saxophone and karate. These days, YOU are the ideal. You’re tall, skinny,18 AND smart? You’re LETHAL, Matt. Look at the lead singers in Alternative Press Magazine. Your face could look like an old catchers mit, it doesn’t even matter if you’ve got the silhouette and the style.

Your hoody and jeans combo is borderline acceptable, but avoid becoming a Hot Topic caricature. Make sure you have great shoes, maybe a tiny hint of good cologne, one simple silver ring and maybe try layering the hoody underneath with a thermal longsleeve or one of American Apparel’s thin v-necks. Don’t shave for 2 weeks. Stick with earth tones and grays. Buy classic RayBans. Maybe a tattoo.. something original and monochrome.. like the floorplan of the Louvre or St Peter's basilica something.

Next, just introduce yourself.. “were you smoking outside Angels and Kings a few days ago?” or “Is it true that Mat once saved 100 children from a burning orphanage?”

Then, as Nickelodeon as this sounds, just be yourself -for all your blundering youthful charm. Those girls get hit on by cheesy NYSE traders and married douchebags all day. As intimidating as they may seem, they would MELT at the thought of a dorky guy like you nervously crushing on them from a distance. Believe me, you are invinsible. You’ll need your Tolstoy book to beat them off of you.

2) more of a London thing that we rip off

3) Greg’s apartment. Depaul campus, Rodan… or Smiths night at Danny’s.

4) Al’s Beef. Get the #7. Throw some fries to the janky-ass pigeons.

3) FROM Pat

?????? Benji

So, a friend of mine has been in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship for years now, and it recently turned physical. It’s a direction we all saw it going in, and we've all been trying to talk him out of it.

There've been earnest face-to-face talks and phone calls. some friends have gone so far as to have interventions! His girlfriend is possessive, jealous, belittling, and completely unstable. His list of friends he is actually allowed to talk to is quickly diminishing (we weren't meant to be in contact for years).

I feel like I've tried everything to convince him that its unhealthy and that he should leave for his own safety. He'll admit that its a totally fucked and unhealthy situation, but he won't consider leaving. It’s gotten to the point that I feel like I can't be there for him when she lashes out, because its a broken record of advice. I'm just feeling totally lost about the whole situation, he's such an important part of my life and he worries me so much.

PAT,

I hate to break it to you but there isn't much you can do in the way

of direct action. I mean you already told your friend how you feel and that this relationship sux. Guys don't listen most of the time. All you can do now is try and be a good friend stick it out unless it gets unhealthy for your life. And just try and lead by example. Eventually hopefully your buddy will snap out of it.

I'm not sure how old you guys are, but if you are still in school maybe you can get him to talk to yall's guidance counselor with you about the physical abuse. Cause that’s never acceptable. -even from girls. Or, you could find a way hotter way nicer girl who wants to go out with him....that tends to make people forget real fast! good luck buddy!!

4) From KAT:

????? Hi Mat. I live with my dad and my sister since my mom died 2 years ago. I’ve never really lived with him cus they divorced when i was 2, so i don’t really know him any well. Anyway, I am often feeling very sad and lonely and i wish to see a psychologist, but i just can’t tell him, i want to, but it’s so hard. Do you have any idea what i can do?

I’m so sorry for your loss. I have a good friend going through the same thing right now, and she’s just pulverized. My heart breaks for you both.

It’s odd to me that a lot of people still view therapy as taboo or as a sign of weakness. On the contrary, the fact that you plan to step up and ask for help shows a great deal of maturity and sense. I’m surprised that you and your sister weren’t strongly encouraged to do so immediately after your mom’s passing. it’s long overdue.

A lot of old-school dads have a knack for unintentionally intimidating their own daughters. Even those that don’t drink Coors and don’t have handlebar mustaches can still be scary. The irony is, he may be just as intimidated of YOU. Some dads get so freaked at the thought of their little babies buying tampons and giving handjobs on the basement sofa that they just shut down communication entirely.

Like it or not, you guys are a 3-piece now, with 3 distinct personalities -like the Yeah Yeah Yeah’s. You are Karen-O, your sister is Nick, and your dad can be what’s-his-name.

For a while, try to communicate more. be open and honest and respect each other’s differences. In the process you may actually learn to (gulp, shivers) like one another. If he’s cool, it can be a liberating breakthrough to start speaking on the same level.

ORRRR maybe your dad seriously just sucks. In that case, a) get help on your own. (google Grief Counceling in your city. Group Therapy is great because you’re relating directly to others who share your exact circumstances.) b) begin hatching your escape from Alcatraz. (hoard your $$, get the best grades possible, etc…) c) protect your sister. Bond with her.

5) ????BENJI

Hi Benji, my name is Brianna. And while we're on the pointless stuff that you probably don't care to know, I've always wanted to let you know that you have helped me through many of the extremely hard times in my life (i'm sorry that it's so cliche). But given the opportunity of asking you something, I took it, and would very much appreciate anything you have to say about it, and will take all of it to heart.

Right now, I need your advice more than ever. So i'll give a little backgroud information, in hopes that you can understand and help me better.

I'm currently 17. And ever since the age of 15, i've had my bouts with the ever-present teenage depression. I always thought it was a 'phase' that i'd eventually grow out of, if I gave myself some time to think and create goals for myself. But....after two years of fighting (or at least trying to) those feelings off, they're still present in my life, every day.

Lately, it's become truly overwhelming. I used to enjoy going out with my friends and just doing random things, things that would typically put a smile on my face, even if it was a small one. And

even though I know that's the best thing to do to rid myself of my depressed mindset, I still feel as if all I want to do is sit at home, and be miserable. And I feel like I can't control those thoughts. I've had so many people go out of my life (a few to suicide) and I really don't know how to deal with that, in a good and positive way at least.

I'm not going to lie. Suicide has crossed my mind countless times, way too many times. And honestly, I've been more scared by that thought than anything else. I've thought of everything from how I was going to do it to what I was going to leave for everyone after I went through with it. I've experimented with self-mutilation, and that is one thing that I truly hate myself for doing, because I have to look at the marks I left on myself every single day.

The timing for this "Ask Mat" session could not be more perfect. Because i'm slowly but surely slipping back into one of those holes.

Benji, I know you've been through a lot in your life, a hell of a lot more than me, and that's one reason I admire you so much. That and the fact that you can channel all of your negativity and put it into songs to create more positive energy to rid yourself of it. For six years, i've wondered in astonishment how you can do that so well. I can't seem to use my own words/poetry/lyrics to pick myself up, and music is pretty much the only thing I have right now. So here's my question Benji:

could you give me some advice/help on how to cope with this depression, and possibly make it better? I really really eally do not want to go back to my old ways of thinking and I CERTAINLY don't want to even THINK about taking my own life again. I know you (and Mat, too) get this type of question a lot. And i'm sorry for that. But since you've played an extremely important role in my life going on 7 years now, advice and words from you would be my best bet right now. I really hope that you can somehow help me alter my way of thinking of not only myself, but of my world. Thank you so much, Benji. You have no idea just how important your words are to me. Be safe and stay well!

Brianna, Thanx for the nice words. I'm sorry to hear you have had such a rough time with things. You're in good company though. Really so many people feel the same way as you do. Everything you have mentioned i can relate to and have had similar thoughts, and experiences. 17 is such a young age to have everything figured out. YOU are supposed to be lost right now. You aren't supposed to really know the answer to anything. Sometimes life does hurt really badly, and there is no explanation. But I promise that when the good moments come down the road they are worth sticking it out thru all the bad ones. I promise you that.

I still have my struggles.

For a good 2 years(during our last record) I was in really BAD place. My life was suffering for it and i was abusing myself and letting others abuse me too. About a year ago i knew i had to get out of it or i was going to do something horrible. The same guy that wrote "Hold on" and i was barely hangin in.

I felt pathetic, but i reminded myself that i was human and that i had been thru this before. As i get older i just have learned who i am, when my mindstate starts slipping back to old patterns and feelings there are a few things i did, and still DO, to combat it:

a. I will do something that is good for me. Where i used to hurt myself or abuse myslef, now i do something that helps. I will spend time learning something that will benefit my Life, i started taking piano lessons. I also started working out, trying to be healthier. I have found it is even better for my mind then my body, even my music has benefited from it. I have more self respect because i put time and effort into myself.

b. I will just simply try and help someone else. I get stuck in my own head and this helps me get out of it. I will just think of someone I know that is having a hard time in some way. Just give them a call and say "how r you doing?" and listen to their problems and try and offer them some support. Or find a way you can get involved in helping in your community. Any excuse to help others is a good thing. it helps me get away from my own shit. -and usually when i get back around to my own issues i kind find that they aren't so bad (or at least that someone else is going thru it too.)

c. I will just try and do something creative. I am so lucky to have music. In fact our new album has kind of been my saving grace. I have been able to put all of my feelings, energy, frustration, emotions, everything into writing this record. It has gotten me thru a tough spot in my life. There is something creative for all of us to do out there we just have to find it.

d. Sometimes i will just find help. If i don't know how to deal with something. i will find someone who can show me how to, whether it’s a therapist or an advisor. Someone who can help me figure out what I am going thru.

Remember, tho, that you aren't alone and this just a part of growing up for some of us. Some days we gotta just put our headphones on and listen to our favorite songs and tough it out. I CAN def promise you this: Your life will be different at 23 than it is at 17, and different at 27 than it is at 23, and different at 30...and so on and so on. Everything feels so big right now but everything changes. growing up is hard and painful sometimes, but there is good stuff on the way too. Take care of yourself....

6) From ABBEY

?????

Dear Mat, I'm the unpopular kid in my school, and i get bullied and teased a lot. This has been going on for 2 and a half years and i never really said anything because I was too scared to stand up. Now, I really want to get even. I want to do something funny and creative. I was wondering if you had any original pranks to get the ringleader back? I want something really big for him, I'd prefer if it wasn’t something confronting- if he knew who played the prank on him he would break my bones.

Are you automotively inclined? How good are you at locating a brake cable? Kidding.

I’m a huge fan of nerd uprisings. Every nerd around the world responds to bullies in their own way. I don’t get the impression that you’ve been out shopping for trenchcoats and shotguns lately, so I applaud your healthy sense of perspective.

You already know that geeks win in the end. It’s Newton’s 6^th law. They grow up to become not only doctors, lawyers, scientists, and billionaires, but also knights (Anthony Hopkins), models (Tyra Banks), A-list celebrity actors (Natalie Portman, Tobey Maguire) and musicians (all of them).

You know who LOVES bullies when they grow up? Javier Suarez. Don’t recognize that name? He’s the manager at Jiffy Lube on 35^th and Archer. He can’t WAIT to hire the kids who are taunting you.

OK, I’ll give you 2 courses of action:

2-year plan: Your ultimate revenge will come when you sleep with his mother and his girlfriend on the same day. You do this by forming a band. Don’t waste your time writing songs. (girls don’t know the difference.) Start doing pushups, and learn to shred the entire Maroon 5 catalog. I’ll give you phase II of this plan later.

2-month plan: Bottom line, you need a picture of that kid naked. Visit a local spy shop and look into a hi-rez pen camera and camera glasses. Do some reconnaissance. Study his habits.. esp. bathroom breaks and gym class. Once you get your pic, email blast the entire school from a safe anonymous account.

If that proves to be Mission Impossible, go to a timeless Photoshop classic. Find a picture of 2 gorillas fucking. Paste the bully’s head over the fuckEE and your principal’s head over the fuckER. Slide a copy in every locker one Sunday morning. Avoid security cams. Via Con Dios, my little dweeb soldier.

7) FROM Erin [Dallas]

Benji ????? Today is this guy's birthday who I met over the summer. He is a year older than I, and has a not-so-perfect past, involving a lot of fights and drugs. He doesn't mess around with the heavy stuff anymore, but he still smokes weed. I don't really have a problem with this, or anything. The truth is, a little over a month ago, he stopped talking to me. I met him late June, and we really connected. I even took him to one of your shows in Oklahoma (since there wasn't a TX show) after knowing him just a week. However, the next day, I had to go out of town, but we texted daily and talked on the phone every couple of days. He said he liked me, called me beautiful and angel and sweetheart and... I was basically sure that once i came back, he would ask me out in person, since he wasn't the kind of guy who would do that over the phone. Then, I just stop hearing from him. And any attempts I made to talk to him, he seemed annoyed or vague that I was talking to him. Now there's no communication at all.

I thought I was fine at first, like, the summer went on and I guess I pushed all my feelings for him to the back of my mind. But once school started, things started to get shitty because... well, that's how school makes you feel... and things started resurfacing. I think about him all the time, and we haven't talked in what seems like forever. It's not like it was some lengthy romance thing, either. I mean, I met him, we basically spent an entire four day weekend together, as many hours as possible, and continued to talk after we were in different cities.

Basically, my question is, I did the right thing by not sending that text message of "Happy Birthday" today, right? I need to suck it up and get on with everything? I don't think I'm being pathetic and moping about it... but he's still on my mind a lot. And I was also wondering how on earth to get this guy of my mind? I want to stop hearing his voice in my head (I think). I want to stop wishing his name would pop up on my phone. I want to stop wishing I could run into him in person so we could work this out. But the thing I want the most? I want to be able to want all those things with 100% assurance.

Erin Hey. Don't want to be too much of a bummer but i think moving on is the right thing to do. If a guy is only gonna call you and hang out when it’s convenient or he’s in town and that’s the nature of the relationship, that’s all good, but if you find that it’s kind of leaving you bummed then it isn’t good for you. When a dude really likes you he will call you too much. –doesn’t matter where he is or what he is doing. if he has other priorities, well then that’s just where he is at in his life. -and you can’t let that bum you out. Check out that movie "He's Just Not That Into You." -definitely some wisdom in it. Keep it movin, keep it movin.... Hope that helps....good luck!!

8) From LENORE:

???????????????????MAT

a. What is your opinion on illegally downloading music?

I have a new rule… I will condone the piracy of our new album to anyone who intends to play it for 10 new potential fans.

b. What is your favorite sex position and why?

The Hellhammer. I’ve never actually attempted it, but I have detailed schematics that I sketched when I was bored in the studio last year. It requires 2 very liberal-minded gentlemen with a lot of upper body strength, and one very flexible woman with a high pain threshold and an unusually large lung capacity. Less a sexual position, more of a diabolical imposition for all parties involved.

c. Bondage: yes or no?

I’m gonna have to land on NO. Early one morning I once accidentally stumbled upon a private bondage soirée in a Chicago biker bar. I enjoyed watching the plump fellow in the pig mask and diaper getting repeatedly tazered by a dominatrix. I imagine the look on my face was similar to that of a young Charles Darwin, -the first time he set eyes on the mysterious creatures of the Galapagos Islands.

d. So what was that story about you making out with a dude and did you get aroused?

No. It was a semi-homo means to a very hetero end. I won’t get into it.

9. FROM N&J

??????Benji, You've been in the music industry for a while now, and not only have you grown as a person but your music has grown a lot and so have your fans. My best friend and I have been listening to GC since we were in elementary school - which is a really long time. We literally grew up on your music and turned from little jerks, to awkward teenagers who thought we were super cool and totally punkrawk and then into the [way] cooler people we are today.

A lot has changed since then, and though we don't listen to GC 24/7 anymore, we still like to throw back and drive around the city blasting your music and singing around like old times. My question is: how do you feel about having this type of impact on people's lives and being the music they were raised on? :]

N&J, Thanx so much. that is kind of a cool question, its strange for me to think that our music is a part of peoples soundtracks to their lives and the memories they have with their friends and their families growing up. How does it feel. I have to be honest. that is the part i love the most. More then any money i could ever make or any award i could ever get. Knowing that there are some people out there that feel the way about my band that i feel about some of the bands i love, that really makes me excited to finish this record we are working on now and get back out there and show them who we are today. to give them more lyrics let them in a little more and show them they weren't wrong. It gets me excited. Thanx for that and i really hope you guys dig "Cardiology" take care!

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