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2011 YEAR IN REVIEW

@ Molly-Rose. @Hitch Fan. @ Raccoon Society,
Hey Hitch Fan & Raccoon Society, Hey Molly-Rose :)
¶
I perused a quote about reason and faith, here, so just wanted to leave a quick insight. Times still ticking. So, get ready, like the countdown goes, remember get your dose of Caffeine and ample supply ready, time is here and now, handy keys to the DeLorean, ready, count it down .... 4,3... is seven,2,1... twenty-one go!
¶
Bringing in “reason” as a debatable perspective is an arbitrary moot inception of hanging on over a cliff after getting caught in suspended animation. In earnest, I’d rather crony up with a like-minded anarchist that befuddles the imposition-ers of faith is somehow equatable to ever be torn asunder by absence of reason as a supposed and dull exploitive of why not to have faith or presumes faith constraints reason. How tired and bored is that perspective, faith is sans reason, etcetera, as how tired and uninspired the word medley of “how tired and uninspired” is in a sentence. Truly, think, open-mindedly, if you are going to stand to incept reason into the mixture.
¶
Faith is not constraint of reason. Human expectations are the constraint of reason. When you expect an outcome, expecting defies the natural progression of reason and the possibilities of reason, cause and natural common-sense by reason. Esp if an expectation is only geared or rendered for a specific outcome that is meant to propagate a furnished idea – that is what constraints reason and undermines reason. Faith itself is not a constraint in and of itself.

Faith scrutinizes reason in the same manner that reason scrutinizes faith. Even if you are construing my comments in a sense of Biblical faith, (my own affections on Faith is, faith is faith, regardless of own individual’s personal sentiments) it should be applied to bare it as a pertinent truth of your conscience, if it is in tune with your own accordance of Faith. The insight is similar of a notion and passage Mat Devine shared in a previous entry, from the Bible in 1 Thessalonians “"Test all things and cling to that which is good." 1 Thes. 5:2
¶
The insight is, by mere contemplative states of the least of reality that is truly, utterly, ever known or knowable is dependent upon the realization those that follow the limited intelligence of humanity are no different or variable than those who believe in an infinite power or being. Except, that, the latter ones are not contained w/ limits of other people’s interpretations as to what the individual(s) believe or have faith in believing. In other words, of course, there is an open defiance of censorship. As the effect of censorship in many formulations is non-productive or progressive, plus attempts to suppress individuality and environmental compatibility and functionality. Individuals have an innate right and will, to believe / have faith in what sets their own life in accord with how they truly feel and be able to live according to a sound in-tact own conscience. The utopic is it ought to be a morally/ethically approach that is not projecting undue negative renderances into another person’s life. Give and take , choose battles, our world is further everyday from a utopia considering the majority has shunned itself to ignoring the dystopic qualties that are here right now and that media at large has veiled in elaborate dunce cap shrouding that dystopic societies are in the future although the dystopic future written about as Fiction is actually happening now. If you need hot lead dead giveaway tell-tale, read the Hunger Games. Reality shows and a corresponding match like Survivor and the way our governments handle it citizens and slowly revolve into revolutions is starkly illuminating in contrast to what science and governments would sooner have you believing recently. Citric awakening happens, just like heads up 7-up, goes round by round like kisses on the forehead of what you’re willing to fight for and go to battle.
¶
Morning tune ready for the day: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSkb0kDacjs
¶
Personally, I think, plus, prefer, to be limitless w/ willingly choosing to have faith in an infinite that harkens possibilities that exuberate all realities and endless potential for the greater good and bless those who are willing with talents that incorporate into their environments rather than something that devoids humanity of its own existence and destroying itself within by the contraptions of limiting itself like is so often seen and has already been duly established by the acts of science and people having a follow mentality to the state of science and scientists own propulsions of ideas and constructed basis’s that are feasibly assembled for mass production to the herd mentality that those of lower I.Q’s or sheer follow mentality will gobble up without having to test and proof it and prove that the theory itself or basis of scientific belief is sketchy. Esp taking into vantage perspective, equal opportunity intelligent licensures that can compute the information readily on-hand and disseminated to be shredded apart by the citizens sans academic luxury degrees handling inspecting statistics, quantities and exacts, in other words, the scientific misnomers blatantly compiled as derivations alleged to be fact sans exact intricate intra-acted ways of actually testing and provable.
¶
Thus this ///.... “"Faith is the surrender of the mind; it's the surrender of reason, it's the surrender of the only thing that makes us different from other mammals. It's our need to believe, and to surrender our skepticism and our reason, our yearning to discard that and put all our trust or faith in someone or something, that is the sinister thing to me." ~ Christopher Hitchen ...////
The quoted sentiment is also a mentality that ought be evenly distributed and thus applied to science in the same rigor of scrutiny; otherwise, science in a whole would be an easily reasonable standing on reason sham completely. People whom fully put their faith (be earnest and real, that that’s what is happening) into science, as a bunch of atheists often do blindly, are, again, as I wrote briefly to “Fellow Heathen” no different than the people they claim they are different from whom have faith including certain atheists that are attempting to devalue those individuals whom believe faith in God or deity/deities, et al. So, let’s prevent the ostracization by some ethos that eludes incorporating the fragility of the argument done towards only shunning the hypocrisy of its actions in statement, as is clear with the ///....“Of all the supposed virtues, faith must be the most overrated.”...//// bit of the quote. Anyone with a brain embedded permeating reason plus own foresight is able to tear it tinker tape red, pulling apart the fallibility of the application of exclusion. So, well, let’s say it for what it is, for those who may get a bit riled or bewildered by the notion that that Hitchens quote has to be able to stand soundly to its own accord and then some to win over anything in such a debatable topic of query. Which whoever posted it aka the person behind “Hitch Fan” left it to, what is surmised as an attempted permissive gainer for something it isn’t rather than be seen for what it is. It is what it is; so let it stand to be, and let it be what it is.

¶
So, what to do, what to do…carry a smile, just smile at all times, esp. smitten. :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKrbAUjBbvU&ob=av2e
¶
Charles Kingsley, said, ///....“And we shall be made truly wise if we be made content; content, too, not only with what we can understand, but content with what we do not understand—the habit of mind which theologians call—and rightly—faith in God.”...////
If you consider the application of – ///....“we shall be made truly wise if we be made content; content, too, not only with what we can understand, but content with what we do not understand”...//// – you would sooner or later come to deriving the conclusion, if you apply it to theologians that it would then need fairly be dispersed to be applied to scientists and science’s schematics, as well.
¶
Since, yes, a bunch did catch the flip-syde subtleties and am no longer so-so much M.I.A on-the-grid stats as prior (except at a backwards C//S, let those bones right ;) and sticking true and loyal to odes n’ codes Patrick Henry stylistic lovers “Give me Liberty or Give me death” stance of a prose writer and a bit of an unconventionalist, by art and its unconfined nature, I’d rather par up with movers and doers and standers, with the following quotes. As, this vantage scope of the playing field is where and why art comes into play and tests the grounds. Art endures. Art offers the companionship of the formidable connections of now, urgency and longevity. Legacy – such a regale atoning attenuation intonation inflection to the word while delivering an infliction to naysayers. Cruxly, appropos, regardless, if all there is, is this, every day, every time, I’d rather know within all is aligned in my soul anytime death knocks. Just, must gotta have something to share and faith upon for all those marvelous and wonder-filled death feats after-all. Nil sin Numine.
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Maybe humanities’ expectations need to be readjusted? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HO1OV5B_JDw
“Skepticism Is The Beginning Of Faith.” ~ Oscar Wilde
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///....“In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't.”...//// ~ Blaise Pascal
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///....“I heard once of an American who so defined faith, "that faculty which enables us to believe things which we know to be untrue." For one, I follow that man. He meant that WE SHALL HAVE AN OPEN MIND, AND NOT LET A LITTLE BIT OF TRUTH CHECK THE RUSH OF THE BIG TRUTH, like a small rock does a railway truck. WE GET THE SMALL TRUTH first. Good! We keep him, and we value him, BUT ALL THE SAME WE MUST NOT LET HIM THINK HIMSELF ALL THE TRUTH IN THE UNIVERSE.”...//// ~ Bram Stoker, Dracula
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///....“We fall from womb to tomb, from one blackness and toward another, remembering little of the one and knowing nothing of the other...except through faith.”...////~ Stephen King
¶
///....“That in such righteousness /// To them by faith imputed they may find ///
Justification towards God, and peace /// Of conscience.”...//// ~ John Milton
Ciao.
***
///catch the captcha exjst9////

NL7, hi-5alive! on January 25, 2012 at 04:11 PM
2011 YEAR IN REVIEW

Mat I recently started my GCSEs and I'm stressing out so much. I've only had two exams so far and they were Maths and History. I have to resit my maths because I didn't get a C and I think I have failed my history exam.
I learned today that you have to get at least a C in Maths, English and Science to be able to get into sixth form and I started crying because I don't think I'll be able to get into sixth form now. But to be able to do what I want when I'm older I'll need to go.

Becky on January 24, 2012 at 03:59 PM
2011 YEAR IN REVIEW

Hey Mat! I think you might find this interesting.. Especially the lack of information we've gotten about ACTA.

http://anonops.blogspot.com/2012/01/things-you-need-to-know-about-acta.html

hanners on January 24, 2012 at 10:18 AM
20 QUESTIONS- Lightning Round PART II: My Breakup with Snooki, Marriage, Music, Public Puking and more...

Mat, what do you think a cure for shyness and when you can't say things right around people you like is ?

Valerie on January 21, 2012 at 01:15 AM
2011 YEAR IN REVIEW

Dear Mat,
I am 16 and I've been invited to my mum's best friend's birthday do in April. She's having it in a posh Hotel and Lodge in the countryside and it sounds great! It's strictly 18+ but I've been told I'm allowed to go which is great!
The catch? I have no idea what to wear. It's advised that girls wear address and, after prom, there is no chance in hell that I will be caught wearing a dress! It made me feel so uncomfortable. So, I need your advice. What should I wear? I don't exactly have a lot of money to spend and I don't want to go looking like someone I'm not. Have you any ideas? Oh, I forgot to mention, it's a masquerade so any thoughts on what type of mask I should go for? Thanks Mat, see you in March.

Hannah

Hannah on January 20, 2012 at 04:27 PM

Archives

« August 2009 | Main | October 2009 »

Interweb Listening Party: Kill Hannah, 'Wake Up the Sleepers'

Posted on September 29, 2009 at 11:49 AM

The new Kill Hannah album is out and you can hear the whole thing right here! Head in to watch interviews with Mat Devine, get yourself a free download of "New York City Speed," and listen to 'Wake Up the Sleepers' as loud as you can. Album stream after the jump!

... (Read More)

Tagged as: Music , Weblogs

Raccoon Society-- Ask Mat--- ROUND 8

Posted on September 28, 2009 at 08:52 AM

click here to follow Mat on Twitter. click here to follow Kill Hannah on Twitter.

Eating: Subway flatbread, swiss and mayo

Drinking: cheap but decent Spanish Tempranillo, Mug root beer

Reading: Bob Dylan Chronicles Volume 1

Hello raccoons and welcome to Round 8.

It’s 5:30 am. I’m typing at you bleary-eyed from Toronto, midway through our tour with She Wants Revenge. The autumnal air is crisp and perfect for ipod strolls in thermal hoodies. Tomorrow, our long-awaited album Wake Up the Sleepers is released, and the weather is absolutely perfect for it.

I’m proud of you guys. This week’s questions were strong. KEEP THEM COMING.

Thank you to Tomo for being my first guest. He has such a personal connection with his fans that I knew he’d be a perfect fit. Look for 30 Seconds to Mars' epic new album This is War out this fall.

{{{{{ Next week, my guest will be Good Charlotte’s Benji Madden. This past year I’ve personally found Benj’s sage-like advice to be invaluable. Now you’ll get to see why. If you choose to direct questions to him, just write ????BENJI at the top of your comment.}}}}}

Ok let’s dive in.

1. from FALLENFROMMARS:

?????? MAT, Today I've heard country music provokes the highest rate of suicide... I agree, this genre has been frustrating me from the very beginning, even when I didn't understand English...

What do you think?

I would honestly rather wrap my head with the tentacles of a Portuguese Man o’ War jellyfish than sit through a Toby Keith concert. That’s no exaggeration. I’m being literal. Like, right now, if one door leads to the concert hall and another door leads to a torture room… I’m telling you, I would not hesitate. Sting my fucking face. Give me that jellyfish turban.

That said, “country music” is difficult for me to thoroughly dismiss, because it’s difficult even to thoroughly define. It’s a polluted blend of many styles of music, and while yes, contemporary “country rock”, a la Garth Brooks, is bubonic plague for the ears, not everything country-esque is evil.

There’s a deep honesty to the storytelling in the purest old country songs that I love. –which, combined with raw sparse instrumentation, can be timeless… beautiful murder ballads of the 1930s and early Cash and Elvis stuff echo in some of my favorite Byrds and Stones songs from the late 60’s. Even today, some of my favorite albums by Morrissey, Gaslight Anthem, Red House Painters and Ryan Adams borrow extensively from the genre.

2) from AMANDA:

???? For Tomo:

I have a problem that I’ve been dealing with all my life. It really upsets me to think about it. I have a younger brother who is 17. I’m 19. He hates me. We can’t be in the same room without him saying something bad about me. I can’t figure out why he does this because I always try to be nice to him. He’s a huge jock who loves to go out and party. I’m more of a stay inside read a book kinda girl. I’m really afraid that when he goes away to college next year that I will never be able to connect with him. I feel if I don’t change our relationship now it will be this way forever. I don’t wanna lose my only brother but what else can I do? Help please I could really use your insight.

TOMO: This really can be a tough one. I have a younger brother and an older sister and even though we all get along pretty well, we definitely had to LEARN how to do that! Your brother will always be your brother and while right now it seems like you guys couldn't be more different, as you get older you will see that you probably aren't that different at all. You are both going through lots of changes and he is getting ready to be free and on his own for the first time in his life. He will miss you more than he even realizes when he's gone! He may never admit it to you but I assure you he will. ;) You just keep on being nice and loving to your big bro and he'll come around. In the end, you two have eachother and neither you nor he can do anything about that!

3) from ELAINE CLARKE:

????????? Dear Mat, my mom is alchol dependent, she has been drinking since i was 14. I'm now 25 and in the last 2 yrs she has gone thru detox 6 times. She stays clean for about 3 months and starts drinking again. I'm really worried about her because she has so many health problems. I really want her to come off the beer because i'm scared i will wake up and she won’t be alive or become seriously ill. What can i do i've been there for her thru all of this and i'm at my wits end. She is due to go thru another detox soon if she can cut her drinking down. Have you got any advice on how i can help her, or should i just tell her the way i feel.

I feel for you. Ugh. What a brutal amount of stress for a young girl to shoulder for so long. (I lost my closest uncle to alcoholism when I was your age, so it’s a topic I take very seriously.)

Like Dylan Thomas and countless other tragic figures, your mom is a binge drinker, which is even more dangerous than most alcoholics because her swings are so extreme. It also explains why she’s been in detox 6 times unsuccessfully. For any results, she’ll need to voluntarily enter a full 90-day treatment facility.

In the meantime, as messed up and impossible as this sounds, you need to live your life. If you continue to take this on as your responsibility, it’ll destroy you both. By sticking around you’re indirectly enabling her, so if you haven’t already, pack up and move out. You have to accept that there’s physically nothing you can do to cure her and that this disease is not your problem to fix.

What you can do, however, is establish some healthy boundaries, so that your mom’s addiction doesn’t continue to control you. Eg: “I will not be in your presence when you are drinking” “I will not give you money” “I will not answer the phone when I know you have been drinking” etc… Don’t be manipulated into feeling any guilt for distancing yourself. You obviously care deeply for her, and that’s why you’re taking this course of action. It's truly your only option.

As for telling her how you feel, yeah, absolutely. It will take a ton of courage. Tell her that you love her and let her know how scared you are for her. Insist that she get real treatment. Let her know what your new rules are, then move on. 25 is the new 19. This is the prime of your life.

4) From SOMEBODYTOLOVE

???? Tomo:

Can you tell me why guys never really wanna see a movie when they invite me over to watch one?

I mean, i am human too so i can use a cuddle once in a while, so i don’t mind sitting next to each other curled up on a couch, you get the image. But i also really like to see the ending of a movie sometimes instead of getting hands/lips on places i don’t want them. And when i push away or say “no” mostly the evening is ruined and i can either leave or watch the movie in total silence. …Or they think it's my period so i do want more next time.. what?!

How do i say ”no” without being rude and still have a fun evening. Is it really true a girl can't have guy friends without anything else to happen? By now i'm getting afraid to hang out with guys because i don’t wanna give them a wrong idea. So i just won’t go anyway because i know it's gonna be awkward. Do i have to keep trying? it makes me angry.

(ps: Sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes. English isn’t my first language)

TOMO: This one is simple... You be yourself and you do what you want. If you say no, then that means no PERIOD! You should absolutely be able to be friends with a guy without any kind of pre-conceived notion of what "might" happen. If you want to hang out with someone and just watch a movie then that is your right, and if that person makes you feel bad for not wanting to do anything else, then maybe that person isn't someone who is worthy of your friendship. You should never allow yourself to feel guilty for following your own instinct, so don't hang out with people that make you feel that way. You should be having fun, and living your young life learning about how to communicate with people and how to become an awesome version of YOU!

"In life, often the more difficult decision is also the right one" JL

5) from IXELA:

???? MAT, Somehow you've escaped an interview as a fellow stellar blogger.  a few modest questions to cover: 

a) Which vadge coiffe do you prefer? 

b) Have you ever had crime scene sex? 

c) What's something that girls should never ever do in bed?

Give your opinion. It's your duty as a man and an advocate to the blog community.

(Please, everyone, Google the word “merkin” right now. It’s a popular topic for inside band humor, and all raccoons should be in the loop)

a) I’m pretty sure it’s “coiffure”, and any girl that spends her afternoon making crop circles on her bush probably doesn’t have too much else going on in her life. Why do you think Howie was the least-popular Back Street Boy? Cos he spent more time man-scaping his complicated guido goatee than he did rehearsing songs. For the sake of hygiene, aesthetics and time, and in open defiance to Burning Man dress code and Brooklyn hipster trends, I endorse simple straightforward clearcutting.

b) I’ve certainly had some ghetto hotel rooms on tour that look like CSI sets. I swear, the one I’m sharing with Greg right now smells like they've been hosting illegal Mexican cockfights here. Ohhh wait… you mean sex while a woman is on her period? Technically, semi-accidentally, yes. If there’s love and trust, it’s less gross.

c) so many things… never start reciting Wiccan spells, never pocket dial your boyfriend and never, never let him see your merkin after Labor Day.

6) from DEB LOVES TOMO

????Tomo: i'm seventeen. I live in Italy (more precisely, in Rome). I would like to ask you some questions.

- What do you feel when you play the violin?

- How long have you been playing the flute?

- Would you like to come to Rome to perform?

Lastly, -When was the first time you got drunk?

(i would be honored if you answer to my last question. it's a bit personal.)

TOMO: To the last question, I was probably very young the first time I got drunk. My parents worked constantly and there was always some kind of liquor around the house, and with mischevious kids alone at home all day its just a matter of time before we got ourselves into trouble! I never really felt too bad about it though because now that I'm older I realize that its not a big deal, kids are curious and want to push the envelope of what they know they arent' supposed to do. Just always remember to be smart and responsible and safe, and NEVER EVER do something because everyone else is doing it! Be an individual and only do what makes YOU feel good and right inside... ;)

7) from NOX:

????? Mat, did you go to prom? If so, are you glad you did. If not, do you regret it?

I went to both my junior and senior proms, and here’s the deal: You should probably go.

You know all the reasons to avoid it. You wisely dismiss Lifetime Movie Network's ideal of prom night as THE monumental, soul-defining romantic event of your adolescence. To you it seems invented solely to promote teen cruelty and to amplify your own feelings of anxiety and exclusion. It costs as much as the MacBook you badly need, and you loathe 97% of your classmates. Yet, it’s better for you to witness the mediocre buffoonery firsthand than to wonder about it. You’re young, Goddamnit. Just go. You can be uber-cynical and anti-establishment all you want next year. Also, you don’t want to be the only one who misses out when the quiet girl with the secret pregnancy gives birth in the bathroom stall.

If you don’t have a great date, go alone, go with a group, go with a best friend… just promise not to rent the same stiff shit everyone else is. Be original… buy vintage. Never pass up the chance to wear a 1920’s tux with a tail… opt for stargazer lilies over corsages. Raid your senile great aunt’s costume jewelry. Wear fingerless silk gloves and a ceremonial saber on your belt. if you can afford it, bring a live falcon.

The music will completely blow. Alcohol will be 100% essential. Stash a bottle somewhere on the grounds the night before. Girls, each dump your largest contact lens solution bottle and fill it with vodka. Boys, they will pat you down for flasks, so get creative with catheters and colostomy bags.

Hire a driver.

When discussing your plans, always refer to the event by its unabbreviated name: The Promenade.

Dance to all the bad songs. Wear chucks instead of wing tips.

Finally, all good adventures end with wet clothes. If there are no fountains in the lobby, bribe a janitor $50 to unlock the hotel pool. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll come back with some raccoon-worthy stories for us.

8) from ASHLEY

???????TOMO:

What was the first musical instrument you ever picked up, and how did you know this was what you wanted to do for the rest of your life?

I seem to be falling more in love with music every day... the way every note flows into the next so flawlessly, the way completely different instruments can intertwine to create one perfect sound, almost like a machine... sometimes I wonder if I missed my chance. If maybe, I missed some kind of message, telling me that music should have been my life's work.

I don't know... I guess it's never too late...

Tomo: IT IS NEVER TOO LATE FOR ANYTHING AT ALL! If music speaks to you like that then maybe you should pursue it, even if only to find out that it ISN"T the right path for you. Sometimes you have to fail in order to realize something and that is an amazing lesson. In 30STM we cherish our failures because we learn so much from them, they teach us how to get back on path and that is so important. Billy Joe from Green Day said something really amazing once, he said "our success is nothing more than the sum of all our failures", this is so true! If you never try, then you'll never know so I suppose the question is this, are you ready to make a choice and devote your life to it?

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Raccoon Society-- Ask Mat--- ROUND 7

Posted on September 22, 2009 at 08:04 AM

click here to follow Mat on Twitter. click here to follow Kill Hannah on Twitter.

Raccoons,

I’m writing to you from my hotel room in Washington DC.

Some outbreak monkey got Elias sick in Atlanta, and the rest of the band is either sleeping or down the street at The Sounds show. I look like I have the West Nile virus, but I’m fine. It’s just... how I look.

Lately I’ve been watching over my shoulder. Our album comes out 1 week from today, so this would be the perfect opportunity for the record label to assassinate me. Sales would skyrocket if I were to expire in some ‘freak accident’. Just saying.

Sorry to the raccoons whose questions I missed again... there were so many that I loved that i just couldn’t get to... I will next round! keep posting!

My guest on Raccoon Society ASK MAT next week will be Tomo from 30 SECONDS TO MARS. If you’d like to direct any questions specifically to him, just put ????TOMO at the top of your comment. (personal inquiries about other band members will not be answered)

Ok let’s roll.

1) from HIP TEACHER:

I'm a hip creative writing teacher relocated from hip-town New Orleans into the humidity capital of the world. I smoke pot. I'm cool. I bring the best Monday morning attitude to class, but I just cannot take the horrible suicidal poetry these kids are writing. It's bad news bears and just bringing me down, man. I can't take it anymore. My “WHATS UP GUYS” is answered with "..." and even my stories about my dogs don’t get anyone hyped up. What's going on?! It's not me! I teach them right so whudafxup? What can I do to make them write better, stop being so depressed and bringing me down? Even all the chronic doesn't help that class period pass by any better, seriously.

I read this question 3 times in a row, just searching for clues. If it’s fake, you’re super clever. If it’s real, oh my god. I just don’t know if I can save you.

Whoa! I just read your question a FOURTH and FIFTH time. I can’t stop. I’m really at a loss here. you may possibly be the most colossal dork in existence.

It’s more fun for me to assume that you are real, so, ok... Monday morning, distribute Starbucks hot chocolate and donuts to the kids. Give them duplicates of this play, and act it out. (someone anemic will have to read my part)

PERILOUS SCHOLASTICA by mat devine

Setting: An American classroom. Humid and sour. Modern day (although the teacher’s lingo and fashion betray that fact)

Teacher: Good morning, class.

Students: Good morning, idiot.

Teacher: Hey, that’s not nice. I’m not an idiot, I’m just utterly and hopelessly out of touch with the today’s youth. Anyway, before I go any further, I’d like point out that the scrumptious donut feast with which you greedily stuff your adolescent faces, is compliments of Mat Devine here.

MD: You’re welcome, everyone.

Students: Who the fuck are you?

Teacher: I’m the lead singer of the Chicago band Kill Hannah. Alternative Press Magazine calls us “electro goth, recommended in small doses” and gives our new album a disappointing 3/5 stars.

Students: So what.

Teacher: So, today is a very special day. Today, we are going to attempt to understand each other for the first time … ever. Mat’s gona help. Mat, go ahead.

MD: Look, up until now, this class has been complete bullshit. You know it, I know it and your teacher definitely knows it. You can’t possibly relate to her, and she’s terrified of you.

Teacher: To be perfectly honest, with the recession, i can no longer financially afford to continue buying the vast amount of weed necessary to numb myself for the duration of this class.

MD: see? we're sharing.

Teacher: Well, it just burns me out. You kids are so… negative. You ignore me, and everything you write is so… dark. I just wish it was more… I don’t know… uplifting?

Students: Uplifting? This is Creative Writing, ass munch. Not LOVELY writing. Not PLEASANT writing. CREATIVE. WRITING. It’s supposed to be an artistic sanctuary where I can be free to express myself, and feel inspired by the courage of others. It’s supposed to be my favorite class. Instead it feels like a mausoleum. I dread coming here mainly because you’re so clueless. The air is cancerous and I feel like I’m suffocating on the ashes of the dead.

Teacher: Great metaphor!

Students: Whatever, Nazi. You don’t “teach” us anything, you just sit there like a crypt keeper.

Teacher: That’s alliteration!

Students: Alliteration?

MD: Wow, looks like there are some things you can learn from your crazy bong-ripping teacher after all!

Students: Maybe, but I still want to write about suicidal shit sometimes tho.

Teacher: Tell you what, new rule: I will stop being a gargantuan tool. Rather than critiquing your work based on the darkness or lightness of its subject matter, let’s all instead focus on asking the truly important questions: is this Interesting vs. Boring? Is this Original vs. Trite? Is this honest vs. contrived?

Students: Cool. We promise not to be trite and unoriginal.

Teacher: In the meantime, I’ll teach you literary devices like Iambic pentameter, theme, hyperbole, irony, tone, imagery, allegory, symbolism, etc… the tools you need to perform at your very best.

Students: Ok, what’s our first assignment?

Teacher: Tomorrow morning, bring in some of your favorite lyrics. Obviously I don’t know The Avenged Sevenfolds from The Death Cab Cuties, but we’ll analyze and deconstruct them... line by line… together.

Students: Hooray

MD: Sounds like you’re all on your way. Hey, Teach… (tosses a ripe apple) Call me sometime.

Teacher: Really?

MD: Fuck no.

2) from Stephanie:

??? dear mat, there's this boy that i'm heels over head for. he's legitimately perfect. he's insanely smart, we have the same sense of humor, he actually takes the time to put up with all my shit, and he's not a douche. not to mention, he went to Institut Le Rosey. (i bet that gives him like +5 agility from you) okay anyways, he has a girlfriend, and usually, i would have no problem stealing someone's boyfriend. problem is, she's one of my friends. but when i put the two side to side, he's a better friend, and if i could choose one to lose, it'd be her. (as rude as that sounds, it's true) should i just sit by the sidelines and not do anything? or should i try to steal him? what would you do?  what would you advise me to do?

I might be old-fashioned, but whatever happened to the Ho’s before Bro’s policy?

I’m hoping that “stealing” is just a poor choice of words. You haven’t said anything about a deep cosmic feelings for a guy who’s in the wrong relationship with a bad person... -but even so, I’m going to assume that this is a “love” thing, and not a “spoiled, calculating bitch on a power trip” thing.

In short, it depends on what kind of reputation you want to have. Your best move is to be patient. Relationships that start with infidelity and deceit usually end that way too. If he’s true old-school Le Rosey material (VS new-school SOHO cokehead), then he’ll have the integrity to break it off with his GF before even entertaining the idea of being intimate with you. If he’s truly “perfect” as you say, then it’s worth the time to wait it out.

3) from KATIE:

???? how was your dinner last night?

Last night we were driving in the rain through North Carolina. Fast food on tour sucks, but sometimes it’s all we have. Most rest stops have multiple rival restaurants, and rather than order off the value menu of just one, I’ve started combining the best ingredients from two different franchises.

Last night I INVENTED a dish. I married the warm toasted Italian bread and veggies from Subway with the burger patties and cheese from McDonalds. I call it The Diplomat, and it was epic. (I’m pretty sure I'm the only one in the world doing this.)

4) from Pateal

????So, I'm in a long distance relationship. I'm in LR and he is in Boston and we've been together for 14 months. So we talk about his dumbass friends there in Boston. A friend says, "you and your girl seem like you're in love and y’all are just cute. but if y’all love each other so much why don't y’all have an open relationship?" I know he won't ever cheat on me, I KNOW. it just really bothers me that his friends always try to hook him up with other girls. He says having an open relationship isn’t worth messing up what we have. But it also bothers me that he even would consider being with other girls if i agreed with it. Do all guys want to be in open relationships? God, it really, really annoys me! Should I just break up with him and tell him to see other girls to see if that's what he wants? But for sure if he fucked another girl I would definitely not get back with him...ahhhh i need help!

I’m perplexed by my emotions. Normally, the “y’all” thing would hurl me into an obnoxious tirade, but not this time. It’s actually kind of… cute? EW. What has Taylor Swift done to me?

In my opinion, all long-distance relationships are already “open”. Like Tegan and Sara sing, “I’m not unfaithful but I’ll stray.” Look, if he feels the burning desire to sleep with someone else, it’s gona be the quality of his character and the strength of your love that determines the outcome, not the boundaries of your relationship.

As for the question, “Do all guys want to be in open relationships”, the answer is Yes. Instinctually. I’ve been interested in Evolutionary Psychology for a while, and there’s a great book called The Moral Animal in which Robert Wright argues FOR marriage but AGAINST monogamy. However, that’s high-level shit for mature couples who are looking to rectify modern living with our innately barbaric biology.

Your case seems more juvenile. –like he’s using his friends as a way to bounce a sensitive idea off you, without the risk of sounding like a dick himself. Kinda smart actually.

So, basically, you already know the answer. if you can’t handle him sleeping with other girls, then you have two choices: move to the same town or break up.

5) R asks:

If you could choose a song, for You and Kill Hannah to cover, what would it be? Any song.

The Ghost In You by the Psychedelic Furs. It’s just deadly how romantic that song is. We all owe John Hughes a massive debt for bringing them to American awareness. (She Wants Revenge were working on a great cover of Love My Way at soundcheck in Tennessee a few days ago). Richard Butler is a major influence on me. Tragically I always forget to mention him in interviews

I’m also working on a hardcore heavy cover of Peaches’ Fuck The Pain Away. The lyrics are so gender-specific, it’d be hilarious.

6) Jackie asks: ???????????? 

a) Mat, What made you decide to become all the little Raccoon's therapist? I think it’s a wonderful thing and I LOVE reading them but I was just curious why you did.

b) Oh yeah, Charles Manson, John Wayne Gacey, Jeffrey Dahmer, Jack the Ripper, or Son of Sam? PICK ONE!!

a) I’d never call myself a therapist… more just a friend who’s been through some shit. For a long time I’ve wanted something more interactive than a typical blog... The idea came gradually after being on tour and socializing after shows. Our fans are typically the thin-blooded artistic types, and I realized that by empathizing with their stories, I was in fact learning a ton about myself.

b) Unknowingly, you just unleashed the FURY. See, now I have to defer to Dan, who has an encyclopedic knowledge of serial killers. While I’d simply say, “Jack the Ripper had the best fashion sense.”, Dan, from Italy, just emailed this:

“They have all achieved greatness in their own ways;

Charles Manson-for being the most charismatic and having legitimate musical talent. Also for never having to actually kill anyone but still maintaining the best crazy talk spanning 3 decades.

John Wayne Gacey-for amassing the highest body count of the group and for being from my home town.

Jeffrey Dahmer-for unbridled depravity all while working in a chocolate factory. Creepy.

Jack the Ripper-for inspiring the most academic speculation and for quite possibly being of royal lineage.

Son of Sam-for his efforts terrorizing an entire city through the media and those creepy, crazy-eyed photos of him getting busted.

-If I have to pick one - Jack the Ripper. He never got caught.”

7) from Annonymous:

????? MAT, So I recently began high school. I made really good friends with this guy who is a few years older. When I say a FEW years I mean it, he isn't like 25. I really like hanging with him and being his friend but I am starting to REALLY think he likes me more than a friend. If I didn't pick up on his "oh so subtle" hints I would be an idiot. No he is not being a jerk or a perv, he is honestly a nice guy but I just can't see myself with him. It's not that he isn't fun or a lot like me, because he is, but there is just something about him. He can be a little crazy at times and I will admit it maybe because I am being too shallow. I don't know. Should I go with him or not? And how am I supposed to tell him I want to stay really good friends, just not be together?

Go with him where? To his rape shack in the woods?

Just be honest to yourself and to him. When the time comes that he makes a move, don’t feel any pressure to do anything you don’t want to do.

Sadly, this will happen many times in your life, when different platonic male friends develop crushes on you. I understand your reservations to hurt anyone’s feelings, but it’s much better to be upfront and consistent.

8) from RAYNE:

??????? Dear Mat, You're amazing! ...creepy. Sorry, that just slipped out... Anywhoozle, I'm bisexual/lesbian (not quite sure yet, I just know I like lots of girls and very few boys) and I'm completely in love with my straight best friend, even though I have an amazing girlfriend who means the world to me, I can't get over her. It's making me really depressed. I can't tell her because I think it might screw up our friendship, and I need to be around her. I can't go a day without seeing her or I get really, really depressed, and seeing her makes it worse because I know I can't have her. Yes, I know I sound like sterotypical i'm-so-dark-and-cut-myself emo kid. But, seriously, this is big problem for me. Help, please! What do I do????

I know this doesn’t ease your pain, but every lesbian friend I have has fallen in love with her best friend. It’s a right of passage. It’s the script to a thousand television pilots. You’re not alone.

Look, while I love the idea of 2 female KH fans doing the forbidden dance, your situation is just not healthy. You have to put it in perspective or it will end badly. Undoubtedly your feelings are very real. You are obsessed. You are infatuated. But you aren’t in love.

You may want to ask yourself, what is it that makes you look outside of your current relationship for something that is clearly unobtainable? What’s triggering those needs? I have friends with tendencies to chase after things they can’t have, and mostly all suffer to some degree from some form of abandonment in childhood. It’s a bizarre subconscious comfort they find in the familiarity.

The silver lining is, you’re young. Believe it or not, you’re gona miss these dramas in later days when your life becomes more predictable.

9) ????? What are the top 3 things that you said to yourself that you would never, EVER, do and yet you've done? :D

Michelle

When I was young, I vehemently believed that I would never: a) allow facial hair in the band b) grow up c) make out with another guy

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Raccoon Society-- Ask Mat--- ROUND 6

Posted on September 15, 2009 at 01:39 PM

click here to follow Mat on Twitter. click here to follow Kill Hannah on Twitter.

-writing to you from my hotel room on tour in Florida.

Listening to : YYY’s zeroooooo,

Eating: jimmy johns

Drinking: Mollydooker Velvet Glove shiraz

My left eye has just begun twitching from lack of sleep, (so hot.) but it’s worth it. I’ve been getting so much out of all your comments and questions. -To Cerena, thank you for your story... it moved us all. Good luck in Rockland County, (It isn’t that bad. Break into the West Nyack Swim Club at night for me) Emmy, I think your questions are all solid; wish I could’ve answered them all. Cinnamon Girl, you’re next.

Keep posting, and I’ll keep answering. So long as you are honest, don’t be afraid. Nothing is too weird or inappropriate to share with the Raccoons. We’re all from the island of misfit toys.

1) from NICOLE

???????????????

Dear Mat,

I am in a state of pure loneliness. No one seems to like me. Those who I thought were my friends are lying to my face and talking about me behind my back. It's becoming extremely hard to trust others. My only real friend has grown apart from me. My own mother seems to be disappointed that I'm not 'perfect' like everyone else. no, I do not dress like those skanks, instead I choose to wear pants on the hottest day of summer, and sit in my room all day being the stereotypical 'emo'.

I am sick of it all. I have given up on happiness, it all ends in disappointment, does it not? Instead I fake a smile everyday and cry myself to sleep every night. I can't take it anymore. I have nowhere else to turn... Help?

I apologize for sounding very melodramatic. I cannot wait for Wake Up The Sleepers.

Lots of love,

Nicole

Look, summerwear isn’t exactly my thing either. Our band may be the last 5 people on the planet who don’t own a single pair of cargo shorts among us. Maybe pick up a copy of Nylon to see if there’s something more feminine than ‘pants’ yet not ‘skanky’. I don’t know. …Or not. Hey, Amelia Earhart dressed like a man and she’s an icon.

Look, you’re a weirdo. You’re a teenager, it will pass like a kidney stone, only a little more painfully. I was “that kid”. Anyone interesting was “that kid.” All the boring adults were liked and accepted at your age…

But that doesn’t mean that you should be stereotypical ‘emo’. You shouldn’t be stereotypical at all.

If you’re going to sit in your room all day, at least find something productive to do. Something you love that has nothing to do with your parents or your friends… something that no one can fuck with…something that’s your own… it takes 10 years to master a skill. Start now. Get a head start on everyone else out there who’re wasting time with their friends. And no, World of Warcraft doesn’t count.

Think of the next few months of your life as a test. Believe me it’s one test you want to pass.

2) ELIAS asks:

I absolutely hate rap music (not hip hop). I think it has no musical value and the lyrics are rediculous. What am i missing here?

You’re missing a couple things. Spellcheck for one. For another, you’re probably missing the right amount of alcohol. A little ‘crunk juice’ will def help to break down the established paradigms of what you and I were raised to believe constitutes ‘music’ and ‘value’. Remember the scene in Dead Poets Society (aka: best movie of all time) where Professor Keating demanded all students to tear out and destroy Dr. Pritchard’s essay called Understanding Poetry? Well, we all have to do that mentally now and then, and this is one of those times.

First, the distinction between Rap and Hip Hop is totally nebulous. Some say that Hip Hop refers to the lifestyle as well as the music, but that all Hip Hop contains rapping. Ok that may be the whitest thing I’ve ever typed, but my point is, trying to differentiate the two will only give you hemorrhoids. Suffice to say it’s all top 40 pop these days anyway, and even though a ton of it sucks, I find it impossible to believe that you could hate one and not the other.

As for musical value, it may not be Vivaldi, but there’s a lot to appreciate, such as the art of simplicity. See, while I’ll agonize over one song for months, writing intros, verses, pre-choruses, choruses, super-choruses, post-choruses, bridges, melodies, harmonies, counter-melodies, string arrangements, solo sections, breakdowns, outros, etc… most Hip Hop producers are asking themselves one basic question: where’s the fucking hook? They reduce every decision down to whether it helps the track to slam or it doesn’t, and I’ve incorporated that ‘less is more’ philosophy into more than a few KH songs.

Also, what’s wrong with ridiculous lyrics? Unlike meathead rock bands like Staind, at least some rappers KNOW when they’re funny.

“i'm spunky. I like my oatmeal lumpy.

I'm sick wit dis, straight gangsta mack

but sometimes I get ridiculous

I'll eat up all your crackers and your licorice

hey yo fat girl, c'mere--are ya ticklish?”

-digital underground

Look, I sympathize with you on this point: MOST rap and hip hop is totally embarrassing and unlistenable, but isn’t that the same with ALL genres of music? -thankfully tho the exceptions always prevail.

Here’s your homework: Set your alarm each morning to wake you up to Notorious BIG’s ‘Hypnotize’ at full volume. By the time he says, “Poppa been smooth since days of Underroos” you’ll understand why he’s got “techniques drippin' out his buttcheeks” and you’ll be smiling like you got gold teef.

3) from KATIE:

???? What’s your definition of stress and how do you deal with it?

Stress for me is sitting backstage when its quiet, and someone starts eating those big thick salsa chips and dip. It’s an assault on my senses.

The sound alone drives me into a private inner rage that’s hard to mask. Pure, debilitating anxiety… The rustling of the foil bag, the chip scraping the salsa bowl… the treble of the first open air crunch and the bass of the inner-mouth ones that follow- churning the dry chip into a moist salsa/saliva pulp. It’s a nerve-punishing cacophony that makes me want to bolt out the door, and jump on a steam ship to wherever the fuck its going. Arctic circle? Cool. Swipe my card. I must be on this boat. I’m going to start a brand new life.

But it’s not just the sound. it’s the sight of someone with their buggy eyes all sizing up the next bite all happy and inquisitive while the current one is being pulverized in their mouth. the oil glistening on the lips, the salt from the fingers brushed on their jeans. FUCK I’m getting panic-y just typing this. Ok, so how do I deal? I just concentrate on my breathing I guess. I just stare straight ahead and count 1,2,3,4 innnn 1,2,3,4 oooout. I will also massage the wrinkle between my eyebrows which seems to be getting more pronounced with every tour. Ugh! fuck you, Tostidos. god.

4) From Brandy:

Hey Mat. I was reading through your blog, like I do a lot of the time. And I found this.

Q: Are you scared of spiders?

A: Yes. But I’m more scared of people from Alabama

Well, I'm from Alabama and I don't know if you were being sarcastic, or for real. But, I love KH, and I actually have sniper heart tattooed on my back. As the dedicated fan that I am, it really hurts my feelings, and I was wondering why you're so afraid of us?

Brandy, I’m sorry. You can’t take everything I write at face value.

-Like when I said I hate Brokencyde. I obviously don’t hate THEM. I just hate bad songs, and they seem to write a shit ton of them.

-Or like when I said that all men who wore mustaches in the 80’s also drove windowless vans with kids tied up and gagged in the back… it’s just a generalization. Obviously there were a few who rode motorcycles and didn’t even own vans.

I make it a point to avoid generalizations wherever possible, but sometimes I just don’t have the room for thorough explanations. It’s more efficient, for example, for me to say, “All soft rock songs from the 70’s make me carsick.” –rather than listing them all:

Nobody Does it Better -Carly Simon

She Believes in Me -Kenny Rogers

Longer -Dan Fogelberg

Sunshine on My Shoulders -John Denver

Raindrops Keep Fallin on my Head -BJ Thomas

Three Times a Lady -Commodores

Time in a Bottle -Jim Croce

You Light Up My Life -Debby Boone

etc… see?

The truth is, anytime we travel south of the Mason/Dixon line, my neck does prickle a little bit. There are a few very specific citizens of Alabama who tend to lack both decorum and a tolerance towards visitors in eyeliner. It’s ironic that, as a musician in tight pants, there may be more to fear on the quiet roads of specific rural towns than in the ganglands of larger cities.

That said, I’m a big fan of your state overall. We’ve played a number of shows to great Alabama crowds and we’ve made some very close friends along the way. Birmingham in particular is surprisingly cosmopolitan and I was so stoked to learn that the girl from The Smiths ‘How Soon is Now’ (AKA: greatest song of all time) video lives there… see her HERE

5) From EMMY:

??? You expressed your concern over the animals who are predators, that it's sad how they have no choice but to kill to survive. We humans can choose not to do this, we can live long, satisfying lives without blood on our hands. What are your thoughts on vegetarianism? xXx

I’m am unapologetic omnivore.

It’s difficult for me to draw an ethical distinction between the killing of airborne microbes, plants, insects, birds, rodents, pets, mammals, and even some people. I’ve eaten rabbit, boar, frogs, ostrich, buffalo, quail eggs, rattlesnake, alligator, kangaroo, bees, squid ink, reindeer tongue, and more animals than I can remember –and nothing pairs better with a gigantic cabernet than a sumptuous 30-day dry-aged bone-in rib eye, served rare, gushing hot hemoglobin.

But make no mistake, we ALL have blood on our hands. Vegetarians are not exempt. With every breath you take, you’re killing something, and something is killing you. It’s inevitable.

Besides, just because we can live without eating meat doesn’t mean we should. You can live without your car. You can live without your computer. You can live without your leather shoes and purse. You can live without shampooing your hair. All these things leave an indirect footprint on the world and are harmful to something. But you choose to do them anyway. Why? Because, mere survival just isn’t enough for us. –we all want, and deserve, a certain ‘quality of life’.

For reasons of diet and health, it makes perfect sense, but on ethical grounds vegetarianism is a complete puss out. It’s an ultra-convenient, selfish, inconsequential, trend. You think you’re saving cows? You aren’t. You cannot make a difference. You should not make a difference. The only change you’re making is in your own conscience.

Of course animal cruelty is abhorrent. Of course we should fight tooth and nail against the inhumane treatment of animals. -but if your argument against the eating of meat is moral one, then you have to go all the fucking way: Either move to India, become a cave-dwelling vegan Jainist monk, sweeping the ground for insects as you walk, eating nothing but what you find on the ground, OR accept the fact that every existence comes with consequence, and take steps to insure that you produce enough for the world to compensate for what you destroy.

6) From Julia:

???????Hey Mat, So I'm pretty sure my mind is kinda fucked up. I get really obsessed with messed up things. Currently in school we have to write a research paper on some kind of disability. I chose schizophrenia. For some reason I'm really obsessed with how much it fucks with your mind. I mean you seriously have voices in your head and can't tell what’s real or not. I think it so cool. I really don't know why I think its cool, which is why I think I'm fucked up. I really just don't know. I obsess over little weird things like that. What’s wrong with me?

Aside from glamorizing schizophrenia, (which is beyond scary to experience or to be around) nothing is wrong with you. it doesn’t make you a dark person to be drawn to dark, mysterious things. It just makes you interesting. Curiosity is a wonderful trait to have. In fact, I’m very curious as to why you didn’t choose Elephantitis – that would’ve been an obvious first choice for a paper-worthy disorder.

If psychology continues to fascinate you after this paper, read Touched with Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament by Kay Redfield Jamison.

6) Mariana asks:

?????

Before i ask my question I’m going to update you on my childhood a bit. My parents used to be very strict when i was young. i couldn't go out with friends, and if i did my mom had to walk me to wherever I’d go and pick me up at the same exact place.

I’m a junior now and i can go out without them walking me there, but they are still a bit strict with the places i go and with whom. i can't hangout with boys at all, and if my dad sees me with my guy friends he thinks they’re just my friends for one reason (lust i suppose). it gets very annoying, and doesnt understand that they are just my friends!

i do have a boyfriend by the way. (11 months :D) and i've been hiding this from my parents the whole time. i want to tell them about my relationship when its been a year, but I’m not sure how to go about it. how should i tell them i have a boyfriend, and have been with him since last year without them ordering me to break up with him, or getting in trouble for hiding it, or losing my privilege to hang out with him? (by the way my mom knows we hangout and is okay with it, because she thinks he is just my friend)

-mariana

What is this, The Great Depression? They WALK you places? Are you guys Amish?

You’re smart to want a certain amount of honesty and transparency with your parents, but DO NOT wait til your year anniversary to drop the bomb on them. That’s just a bad idea. You’ll all get ulcers. Instead, tonight, try this:

Wipe off all your makeup and rat out your hair. (The dryer and uglier the better). Put the slightest bit of Vaseline around your eyes and accent the bags with a touch of red eye shadow. Take your mom aside, stare at her grievously and tell her that you have something very important to discuss with her alone. She will assume you are pregnant. This will work in your favor.

Don’t tell her that you’ve been dating for 11 months. Explain that you’ve been friends with this guy for a long time and that it’s become clear recently that it’s evolving into something more. Ask if she can help to break the news to your dad.

Hopefully the two of you can explain to him that, a) Its no longer 1951 and Truman is not president. b) You’re getting older. You have prom next year. These are important times in your life and you want his support. c) You’ve earned his trust. -that you were raised well enough to naturally gravitate towards respectable boys of solid character. -unsavory dirtbags need not apply.

Hopefully they’ll realize that without their support you’ll do it anyway, and that it’s always smarter to be openly involved in their child’s life.

8) From Katherine

Hey, I've just entered adult life and i'm starting to feel completely alone. I am the only student that graduated from a parochial high school that is staying behind and going to community college. I live in an apartment (basically by myself, my room mates are gone days at a time) and I finally got a job.  But, i'm becoming extremely afraid. all my friends are moving away, and i'm not in the best place to make new friends. I've always been extremely wary about people, due to the important figures in my life letting me down. I'm so afraid of being all alone. I've been trying to find a boyfriend but more and more i'm realizing that im the fat girl guys will fuck but not date. I'm really afraid of what's going to happen to me. When i'm not at school or work, i'm just sitting in my apartment alone. I'm just not sure what i'm supposed to do.. thanks.

A few things:

a) Thank you for using the word ‘parochial’.

b) If it’s part of a plan, there’s nothing wrong with community college at all

c) Read my response to Nicole

d) It’s ok to feel lonely. Everyone does.

e) Stop thinking of a boyfriend as a goal. An interesting, independent life is your goal, boyfriends will be a natural byproduct

f) Even on your worst day, at least you aren’t this guy:

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Raccoon Society-- Ask Mat--- ROUND 5

Posted on September 9, 2009 at 11:21 AM

click here to follow Mat on Twitter. click here to follow Kill Hannah on Twitter.

Happy labor day.. I know it’s depressing.. end of summer and everything… but at least fall clothes are cool..we can layer again… black and grays.

Writing this from my hotel room in San Diego, and i'm kind of disoriented. There are sea lions barking in the water outside my window. Sea. Lions. Lions of the fucking sea? I’m used to the sound of ambulances and bum fights so this wildlife is foreign and distracting.

Thank you again everyone for the continued torrent of questions, and for letting me into your lives. Keep them coming. I read every single comment.

A couple tips for next week tho:

Don’t: post duplicates

Do: use spellczech

Today’s post comes 2 days late, so to prevent a mutiny, I’d like to offer all the Raccoons a FREE download of New York City Speed.

ok let's roll

1) from Britannyc

??? How do I turn down unwanted and annoying advice from family and friends?

Ok so here is the deal. I am a college grad. I majored in Culinary Arts, yet I still work in fast food. But I'm ok with that. I'm pretty burnt out on cooking and the hours suck. So I enjoy my easy job as a cashier. Every time I talk to anyone about work etc…, they always say the same thing "You found a good job yet?" Ugh. It’s fucking annoying. It makes me want to punch them in their face. I'm doing just fine money wise so I don’t really know what the problem is. It feels like they're just putting me down. How can I make them stfu and let me do what I want?

Please, Hammer, don’t hurt em. Brit, you're sounding a little hostile.

Who paid for your college? if it was your parents, then I’d say they may deserve at least some right to an explanation. See, no matter how old you are it’s their job to stay on your ass, and with this point I would agree: you need some kind of future gameplan.

Arbie’s certainly is tasty, and I understand the temporary appeal of a mindless job, but when the manager starts hanging your 8x10 headshot on the wall and giving you make-believe awards and pins for your visor and shit, Pink Floyd’s song Run Like Hell should be blasting in your head.

2) from Hannah

hey mat :)

love this blog. so very, very, much! i wish there were more people like you hah.

anyways.i am a freshman this year. i like a band who sounds like they want to kill me in addition to all the old music, i dye my hair way too much, im a marching band geek and proud of it, ive never been great at dealing with stress and so on top of all that, my parents are telling me to basically stop fucking up my own life by being responsible and shit. oh yeah, and i cant be outgoing and friendly to save my life. sometimes i hate myself and i don’t know how to be happy anymore. i also think that I’m not completely straight. and i have a younger sister and love her to death (heh kh song reference) and i think im a really bad influence on her just because i get really wierd mood swings and I’m kind of a loner except for marching band and my few friends outside of it. by the way, if you’re going to question marching band and why I’m in that, of all things, all i can say is you don’t know unless you’ve been in it. seriously, it’s intensely physically wearing and is sooooo much fun at the same time. and that’s all I’m going to say about that. so, any advice? lol.

Advice for an antisocial bi-polar goth lesbian band geek? No, not really. your own reality show maybe? I don’t know… you sound just like my first 2 girlfriends and the cast of Breakfast Club fused into one. If I were your age in your school I’d probably have a huge crush on you.

As for marching band, you’re in good company… 3 members of KH were in high school marching band. Dan and I both played trumpet and Elias played drums. I was so awful. I personally forced my music director into early retirement. His entire head would turn neon red screaming at me every single class. Then, one day he didn’t show up. The Dean came in and announced, while staring straight at me, that he had suffered a heart attack.

3) from BAZIE ????????

Hey Mat,I really need your help. I like to get high sometimes (pot) and the thing is I'm running out of music to listen to while high. My favourite KH songs while high are Nerve Gas, Lovesick and Crazy Angel.. Oh, yea so the question is what are some nice songs to listen to while high? (Acid Rain i think has potential to be a nice song to smoke to)

You’re in luck, bazie. (or do you mean bLazie) Our new record Wake Up the Sleepers was mixed in Toronto by David Bottrill. He’s the man behind some of the deepest, most texturally rich-sounding albums ever; Peter Gabriel, Tool, Muse, Placebo, etc… We took an inordinate amount of time to properly balance the hundreds of layers within each song. the subtle intricacies in the panning alone should keep your brain twisted up nicely between your headphones for a while. –at least until the next Phish album comes out. Do you like Phish? Jk that was a test. If your eyes just scrunched up into a scowl then you passed.

Substance-enhanced music appreciation is something I can fully understand—but lately, pot just makes me fixate on the most RANDOM thoughts for Far. Too. Long… such as: blow holes are gross. Like, “hey I’m a dolphin… I breathe out of a hole in my back??” Are you kidding me??? Fucking nasty. Just think about that.

4) from Sparrow heart (interesting question)

??????????????????

first things first, your answers are pure excellence!! And I am patiently *twitch* waiting for Wake up the Sleepers...yeah whatever I'm up the wall in excitement! Ya know you guys never let me down! no second second CD flop, nope! Every last album from Sinking Ships to Hopeless just beautiful!! And I can't wait to have my mind blown again! (also can't wait for my first KH ink but I'll wait till 21 for that) anyways.........

So...Mat, I'll keep this fairly short (this is a lie). So me and my mom are kind of on sore terms over this issue of mine. I have never had a black boyfriend, I am black myself and my mom hates to admit it, but she's not too comfortable with my boyfriend choices. Its not that's she's ever had any problems with any of my dates personally and she's also not an all out racist or anything, but she's under the impression that I don't go out with black guys on purpose. Its not true! I swear! Honestly, I date who I date and hang out with who I hang out with because we have things in common and like to hang out (except for this one guy who asked me out in London, I mean c'mon! who could say no to that!). Okay so I'm not into rap and hip hop whatever ext. I don't have anything against it, but its just not my thing...I've taken a lot of harsh words and cold shoulders for that but you know what who cares! I don't! My mom thinks I should, she think I'm going to somehow ostracize myself from the whole of the black community. I mean seriously who do I think I am? dating whites guys, listening to rock, chillin with those so called "emo" kids? Do I even wanna be black!? I just don't think she gets it, I don't do what I do cause I want to be someone else, I do what I do to be myself! I know she grew up in a different time where stuff like that was thought about differently but its not like that anymore! Its a brave new world where we date people not colors and we have personalities not stereotypes! Right? Right? or am I just dreaming and wishing? God I don't know! You gotta help me out here Mat! Am I all screwed up like she thinks I am or is she just way to color conscious? What do I do??

It’s cool as hell that you defy categorization.

It's embarrassing that race is even a topic for discussion these days, but sadly it still is. As for “dreaming and wishing”, thankfully you are… and it takes people like you to push things forward.

Your mom may not have taken the time to fully express the reasons for her concern, but I think they’re pretty legit. She’s just being protective. The thing is, going on dates is not a big deal, but if your relationship with an emo boy were to get serious, then he’ll be held to an entirely different standard, and for that I can’t blame her.

Sadly, even in 2009, racist still persists among some Neanderthals, and mixed couples inevitably encounter some BS now and then. Your mom is looking for more than a guy who is ‘cool’ or listens to the same music as you do. She needs assurance that he’s also responsible enough to handle tricky situations and to act in your best interest. (eg: you could be at a punk show and run into asshole skinheads... he’d need to say, ‘hey, as much as I wanna see this band, you’re uncomfortable so lets bolt.’)

Anyway, overall it sounds like you and your mom respect each other. sounds like she raised you to be smart and to hang with people who treat you well. You guys just need to talk a little more.

-But i love your sense of identity and independence... stay who you are. never be afraid... You can’t open everyone’s eyes but even if you open a few it’s worth it. Oh, and as for being ‘ostracized from the black community’, look, community is important, but anyone who’d 'ostracize' you or your future BFs based on how you look can't possibly have anything to offer.

5) from WILLOW

????????????????

Are you scared of spiders?

Yes. They suck. But I’m more scared of people from Alabama.

That said, it’s not the spiders’ fault. I wrote a bad song once, which contained the lyric, “why don’t we feel sorry for the birds of prey”.

I just imagined the curse of being born with a sharp beak, sharp talons, and no ability to shop for hummus and pita triangles. Holds true for sharks, snakes, spiders, bats, and every other predator we watch on Nat Geo. Naturally, when we encounter species that have no choice but to kill for survival, our first instinct is disgust or fear, but sometimes lately I’ve been feeling a weird kind of… sympathy?

I’ve been hearing a lot about a spider more deadly than the black widow. its known as the Brown Recluse… hmm. I think that spider needs a new name. when I hear ‘brown recluse’ I think of an elderly Mike Tyson or something. They should be called the Bloodbath Bringers or something way more evil.

6) from Krista

Mat, there are many moments in my life that I wish I could relive. Are there any moments that you wish you could relive?

Tough question. Chances are, anyone who says, “I have no regrets” just doesn't pay attention. Who wouldn’t love the chance to time travel and reverse certain choices they’ve made? I remember in 1995 distinctly telling one brilliant entrepreneur, “No one will ever use their credit cards to shop online. Besides, the internet is slow and boring anyway.”

In terms of wonderful experiences to relive, strangely I’d rather not. We all exist in this pocket of air between our memories and the things we anticipate… and to me, the idea of going backwards, even for one of my most stunning moments, just seems… wrong.

Frank Sinatra said it best,’

“You only live once, and the way I live, once is enough.—“

7) elaine clark asks

????????? I'm a single mom to my beautiful daughters who are 7 and 5, but just recently my 7 yr old keeps crying every time i leave her with her dad. Whenever i ask her why she cries she just says she doesn’t know. I know she is worried about something because, she is normally quite happy in herself. But she seems really withdrawn and unsettled. She keeps waking in the middle of the night. Just recently i had to go into hospital for an operation, i was only in overnight. I don’t know if this could have upset her because she is really sensitive. So if you could at least suggest some things, which might help with this it would be very much appreciated. I'm a huge Kill Hannah fan and i know my daughters like your music to. I'm really looking forward to your new album and hopefully see you when you tour the UK xxx

I went to kindergarten in Connecticut at a school that had, like, 12 kids. Instead of a bus, we’d be driven home in a station wagon with wood paneling. The insane captain of this overflowing ashtray must have written the book on how to make kids carsick. Every afternoon I’d spill out of the “way way back”, toss my A-Team lunchbox (thermos full of milk, untouched), and sometimes puke in the woods.

When asked what was wrong, just like your daughter, I would cry and say, “I don’t know.” A 5-year-old can’t articulate under duress. They just want their minds read. Mine was saying, “who are you people? Who hires a greasy man with mutton chops and a brown '73 Malibu? He smokes cigars with the windows up, takes the most inefficient route imaginable, stopping occasionally to buy more cigars… our house is half a mile from school, so why does it take 45 minutes?! it’s like getting professionally abducted every day. I get so carsick and so bored, all I can do is throw shit out the window attached to string and perfect my Les Miserables expression, hoping to look pathetic enough for other drivers to call the FBI and rescue me. Isn’t kindergarten supposed to be easy? This is a fucking nightmare. Plus, they sat me at the girls’ table last week. Don’t ask me why but they did. Oh and did I mention, I’m the only one in the entire school with curly hair? thanks. so on top of everything, i'm also a freak of nature. The only other person I even know with curly hair is the sweaty John Wayne Gacy loser who you masochists pay to essentially kidnap and release me every day.”

But seriously, you have to talk with her immediately. She needs to know that she’s safe and that she can trust you with info that, she feels, might get her or someone else in trouble. you’ve recognized several classic behavioral changes that point to some kind of abuse… let’s hope it’s nothing.. and I don’t really know, i'm just a lead singer, but as her mom, you have to trust your gut and take this VERY seriously. if you’re unable to get through to her, maybe her school has a child psychologist? for pro advice, in the UK, try calling the NSPCC Helpline number: 0808 800 5000

8) frankie asks:

???????

Mat,

So far in life what has been your favorite sexual experience?

P.S: I love you. Will you marry me?

Normally I’d absolutely never kiss and tell, but for the sake of my posthumous memoirs, and for your entertainment, I’ll concede to a 10-year statute of limitations.

I once had sex standing up in between the cars of a speeding subway train. It was late at night when the northbound red line was mostly empty, and timed just after the Washington stop when the train is still underground, but when the distance between the stations was longer than, like, 30 seconds.

It wasn’t about the danger of being caught or arrested or… dying. -just unbridled recklessness in the best sense... youth… you know? ‘carpe diem’, “memento mori”, etcetera, etcetera. I remember the lights streaking past, the roar of the tracks, the wind... I remember making eye contact with a bum. Lots of laughs. went to a diner afterwards for grilled cheeses and blueberry milkshakes.

Everyone has joined the Mile High Club. I imagine membership in the 3^rd Rail Club is a little more limited.

Ps. Thank you but I have to return some video tapes.

9) from Elias

I have a completely irrational fear of the drain in the deep end of the pool and any sort of pool cleaning system (like those big vacuum things that roam around the pool). Whenever i walk by a pool i can’t help but stare at the drain and pool cleaning snake thing until it gives me horrible anxiety. I haven’t even been able to go in a pool in over 10 years!!! what do I? this is greatly affecting my social life over the summer :(

To the raccoons: while this question may seem like a joke, I actually know elias and his neurotic ways, and he’s for realzies.

To Elias: you seriously need to man up. On behalf of America, you kind of make me sick. As you know, in 1944, kids young as 18 were thrown overseas into a theatre of war -sacrificing their lives, ducking mortars from German Luftwaffe as their best friends died beside them in a sea of carnage that’s beyond our comprehension. And THIS is what worries you?

Listen, I’m giving you homework: Go to the nearest pool. dive in, pull up that dumb vacuum, slap it around and repeat after me: ‘I believe introductions are in order. My name is Elias. I am a human being. I am the top of the fucking food chain, I am a marvel of evolution, engineered to conquer the earth, the sea, and the moon. what are you? Some punk ass robot. That’s all. I am your god. I am your maker. Remember this face. You so much as let out an air bubble when I’m near this pool again, I will come down on you like a storm! LIKE A STORM!”

Also, in the meantime you can try swimming in cenotes in Mexico, like I did last year. No pool cleaning robots there, just snakes and violent monkeys and shit. You know, rational fears.

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Raccoon Society-- Ask Mat--- ROUND 4

Posted on September 1, 2009 at 02:48 AM

click here to follow Mat on Twitter. click here to follow Kill Hannah on Twitter.

THANK YOU for another week of great topics and insightful comments. Again, I do read them all. (Cinnamon Girl, don’t give up, keep posting.)

FYI: I’ve just been informed that my name now appears in the Urban Dictionary as a reference for the word Faux-bo. Makes total sense. Since starting this blog, I’ve been dressing like a catfish breeder from the fucking wetlands.

I’m still honored that you trust me with such intimate material, and I’m totally proud of this community. ok, i have a full bottle of shiraz and a full battery on my laptop... Gladiators, let the pain commence.

1) from ABBY

?????? Mat, first of all, I'd like to thank you for not only being such a significant figure in my life, but also for providing me with amazing music that never fails to keep me inspired and genuinely content. My question to you is this: is perception reality, or "reality" merely perception? Do human emotions ultimately determine the significance of life's events, or are things we know to be tangible simply illusions?

Thank you for taking the time to read mine. :)

Abby, I think you should probably close that gigantic baggie of Colorado kush. I can smell it from here.

Also, if this is some trick to get me to write your term paper on Kant and metaphysics, I just won’t do it. I already graduated, so technically I don’t have to be smart anymore.

Almost 200 years ago a teenager named Edgar Allen Poe was standing on a beach, wasted, and famously posed the exact problem: "Is all that we see or seem but a dream within a dream?"

The thing is, it’s a luxury to be tormented with the unanswerable. It’s refreshing actually. You remind me of my younger days. The older you get, our general answer to all heavy philosophical dilemmas is, “I have no fucking idea, and I’m fine with that. I have to get to Ikea before it closes.”

Your personal perspective on reality will depend on the size of your ego. It’s arrogant to believe that your individual perception of reality is anything more than a random insignificant firing of neurons… (then again, what’s the alternative? We’d all be Bauhaus fans and balcony jumpers and that’s just not healthy.) It will also depend on how much time you have and how big your weed budget is.

my opinion really depends on what type of day I’m having. For example, if I achieve something important, then I believe in strict rules of causality, free will and a tremendous significance to my role in the shaping of reality. Likewise, more often, when I fail at something I’ll say, “oh fuck it. there IS no reality anyway.”

We all have to agree with Socrates that “the unexamined life is not worth living.” Promise me that you’ll fight the urge to get old and content. It’s vital that we ALL continue to keep asking questions like these

2) from Secret Admirer ???

Dear Mat,

I have a question on rock star stalking. Reading your blog, I've always had a sincere admiration for your intelligence and witty quality of writing. Now ever since you started answering your fans' questions in such playful yet sympathetic manner, truly reaching out to them, the crush on you that was always lingering just out of reach has grabbed me by the throat. I need to do something with this. Question is - what exactly? Seeing your band as often as possible, watching you from afar, and then coming over to make a chat afterwards and hope you read my feelings? Easy approach, but not really the hardcore stalking I'm looking for. Handing you love letters? Sending them to your home? Or self-written romantic poetry? Sit in front of your apartment building with a guitar to serenade you the moment you appear? I'm not sure. I take this stalking business seriously, and I would hate to do it wrong. As the stalked object (you have this coming to you, being so awesome - you realize that, right?), perhaps it would be best if you could just give me some advice on what to do.

Advice on how to prevent myself from possible Murder By Girlfriend or Being Ripped Apart By Jealous Fangirls, should we end up in a short yet intense love affair, would be appreciated as well.

Much love,

your hopeful and soon-to-be-not-so-secret admirer

dear secret admirer,

you should be aware that although you signed your post anonymous, I know who you are. Agents here have tracked your ip address to a computer belonging to one M. Fox. I’m told that you’re an actress living in Hollywood. They say you’ve appeared in a feature length film about transforming robots or something. Listen, Sci-Fi isn’t really my thing, so I haven’t heard of you, but if you’re related to Michael J Fox, please tell him Teen Wolf still kicks ass.

I appreciate your sense of dedication and commitment. You seem to be taking your stalking very seriously, but something tells me there’s an acting coach out there wondering why you aren’t putting an equal amount of effort into his class.

My best advice would be to get a job at Binny’s Beverage Depot. You can read scripts when its slow and you’d prob see me every couple days I’m not on tour. my routine makes me a dangerously easy target for an ambush there. Ill be a sitting duck.

-but let’s shift gears for a second… I don’t want to discourage you at all.. I mean, I love your fire, but have you ever truly thought about what it’s like to hang with me? I couldn’t possibly live up to your expectations. Ask my closest friends and family. They’ll all tell you, I’m just not that cool. It’s like the dog that chases the car…you know? Like, what would it do if it ever caught it? Can’t we just enjoy this moment? stalkee and stalker? trust me, the real enjoyment and thrill are in the hunt, not the kill... and I mean that STRICTLY metaphorically. PLEASE do not skin me and make lampshades out of my skin and wear my skin around your house over your own skin.

3) from wazawaisuru

???? What do you think of drinking and smoking and drugs? Is indulgence instead of abstinence really worth the toll it takes on your body?

Responsible indulgence in moderation; YES. Idiotic self-destruction with a side order of addiction; ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Let me first say that one’s position on this topic must never be influenced in any way by the current societal norms. It wasn’t too long ago that Beethoven was considered to be the Antichrist, and scientists were barbequed alive for proposing that the earth revolves around the sun. Cocaine was prescribed by dentists and endorsed by Pope Leo XIII one year and vilified in the next. Put in the slightest historical and cultural context one realizes just how irrational and meaningless public opinion is. This is purely an individual choice, and should carry no more ethical or legal gravity than one’s decision to watch a baseball game or to cut the grass.

"Test all things and cling to that which is good." 1 Thes. 5:2

I’m an advocate of first-hand experience. I disagree with the notion of judging any person, place or thing at a distance without first acquiring enough personal knowledge to adequately defend one’s opinion. i have an insatiable curiosity. I believe its every human being’s moral obligation to fully explore the entire spectrum of what the world has to offer. I believe in taking calculated risks. The Declaration of Independence calls it “the Pursuit of Happiness.” Iggy Pop calls it “a lust for life.”

However, I’m also an advocate of common sense and self-control.

Unfortunately, there’s no user’s manual for how to achieve a balance of those two contrasting attitudes, so for the record, I will not condone or romanticize reckless experimentation for any of our fans. –ill even go a step further to say that most of my heroes and my most successful, productive friends lead sober lives.

Now, I’m not sure what is even considered a ‘drug’ these days. I do know that 2 years ago, when i drank my first full cup of Starbucks coffee, I think I almost had a fucking panic attack. My chest seized up, my eyelids were sweating and I wanted to loot and get in a streetfight. “This is what my MOM has been drinking every day?!? Are you kidding me?“ The whole world is jacked up on a very powerful stimulant and no one seems to ever mention that.

You asked about the ‘toll’. That’s complicated. In terms of a cost/benefit analysis, all people are unique and all substances are different but let’s go ahead and put things like smoking meth, chewing tobacco, shooting anything, huffing spray paint, etc…on the “100% Idiotic, High Toll” list. (you don’t need me to tell you the obvious dangers.)

Let’s put wine in the “100% amazing No Toll” list (you should read about the French Paradox. Turns out that Resveratrol in red wine actually lowers bad cholesterol. Major, major bonus.)

-and lets put everything else somewhere in between.

4) from ******???????????????????

Are you my baby daddy? I can't remember.

well, does your baby like root beer? Does it have surprisingly kinky hair and gigantic eyebrows and a narrow head?

I remember so vividly a conversation I had with my best friend sophomore year in college. He asked me what I thought was my worst physical trait. I guessed, “my weird nose?” He said, “No, it’s your long face.” Ouch. That put my ego in check for about… the rest of my life. I even wrote a song about it a few years ago:

“Well I’ve got a long face. I was born with it, I’m gona die with it. no plastic surgery will ever do much good for me, ‘cos they can’t shorten faces, no you cannot shorten faces.”

Anyway, no, I’m not your baby daddy. -But congratulations on reproducing and everything.

5) from NICOLE M.

Hi there Mat, ????????

I hope this finds you doing well! I'm getting ready to apply to Graduate School creative writing programs, and while I'd give my right arm to go to Chicago, I know I can't afford it. Still, I do hope and dream that a life in Chicago lies somewhere in my future. I'm wondering: what do you love most about Chicago? What do you dislike the most, or rather, love the least? And what would you say to someone who is thinking of moving there?

Good luck with the new album, and I look forward to seeing KH here in Florida!

Wishing you all the best,

Nicole M.

Let me tell you my favorite Chicago joke:

A girl from Chicago and a girl from the east coast were seated side by side on an airplane.

The girl from Chicago, being friendly as people from Chicago are known to be, said: "So, where ya from?"

The east coast girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."

The girl from Chicago sat quietly for a few moments and then replied: "So, where ya from.... bitch?"

Chicago is the shit. Every time we’re returning from tour we blow kisses to the skyline as it towers against Lake Michigan in majestic defiance to the whole fucking world.

Living here, you almost forgive the suicidal winters that seem to last all year, when the grey evil waves explode into ice piles on the shore, ‘cos the pain makes your lyrics better and your friends closer, and because in the 5 minutes before the fresh snow turns black, you’re tiny and swallowed by a gorgeous futuristic arctic kingdom. -Also because on the first day of spring every girl in the city decides to walk their bulldogs to Starbucks wearing see-through halter tops. -And because shots are poured in rocks glasses, and cocktails in pint glasses in pubs still haunted by pinstriped gangsters and those old blues cats that The Rolling Stones and everyone in England ripped off. –And cos the Pumpkins are there.

I like that it has depth. In 1871 the whole fucking place burned to the ground, and instead of turning into a wasteland, that tragedy sparked the largest architectural boom in history- resulting in the very first skyscraper. Pussies in NYC were too cautious to try building that high. Too much to lose I guess. I still take that story as a lesson that you can always rise from the ashes and rebuild stronger. To me, the skyscraper is the greatest symbol for the mind-blowing potential of the human intellect. -That and the Bionic Man, but that technology isn’t even out yet.

Ok. So what do I love the least?

the weather. Less than 100 days of sun per year average—and the winters are sinister. Ever wonder why Christopher Nolan chose my town to represent Gotham in the last 2 Batman films? I don’t.

Love the most?

I love Al’s beef, the 5am liquor licenses, and being off the radar for nuclear attack. I love the way the sunset turns the entire skyline into a 20mile wide iridescent watercolor painting that gets deeper second by second. I love that the most cursed, hopeless baseball team in history still sells out every seat... and that the people keep believing.

6) from Les Enfants Terrible

Mat,

My friends and I sort of have a running game we all play where we pose two terrible hypothetical situations and ask each other what we would prefer out of those two situations. "Neither of them" is not an option in this game. One of the questions that gave people the biggest conundrum was this one:

"What would you rather do? Make out with your dad for five minutes in a row or kill one hundred puppies by hand - one by one?"

Most of us were pretty torn on that one. We all love animals, so killing puppies would be fairly psychologically scarring. However, so would gay incest too. If you absolutely had to choose, would you go Michael Vick on 100 puppies or become a male Anais Nin for 5 minutes?

If you could get back to us on this or perhaps even poll the band, that would satisfy a burning academic curiosity that ranks equal to such questions as, "what is dark matter?" or "Would Rene Magritte have painted the world normally if LSD would have been around in the 1800's or would he have painted things through an even stranger lens?"

Thank you for your time and for your wicked awesome hairdo.

Regards,

EHS and friends

P.S = Don't judge us too harshly. This is just a thought experiment tossed off in moments of uncensored and bored conversations. We aren't as messed up as the question sounds!

P.P.S = Cubs or Sox?

You guys are fucking sick. How could you ask me that???? I mean, do you seriously think its POSSIBLE that I’d be a Sox fan? Fucking gross.

First of all, gents, you had me at “Conundrum.” Not to encourage snobbery, but that and your Anais Nin reference put you high on my list.

My second thought, after vomiting in my mouth, is that you’d mingle well with our band socially. On long international flights, waiting for the Xanax to kick in, Elias and I often play a variation of this same game! The actual title of our game is too graphic to type here…I guess for now you can just call it, “With Whom Would You Rather Make Love?”

Last time I nodded out amidst graphic imagery of a 5-way involving Gary Coleman, Emmanuel Lewis, one of the Golden Girls and some corpse I think. –but hey, we’ve always had the decency to leave family members OFF the list. you guys are more hardcore.

Ok, so I polled the band. –results were 3/2 in favor of canine euthanasia. Two of them however specifically asked if they could make out with MY dad, and one needed a little clarification on exactly what KIND of puppies we’re talking about.

(Bonus 1. Baryonic Dark Matter is dead souls 2. Magritte wouldn’t have time to take LSD. He was too busy counterfeiting money and forging Picassos)

7) from FUFULI

??????????????????????????????????????????????????

So basically you are the only stranger [i know way to much about you to call you a stranger.lol] I know I can bother with my problems, aren’t you lucky. :] I just love everything about you, from the way you look, to your music and personality. Hope to see you in concert near Porterville soon.

So my problem is that I’m so confused about everything, some days I just wish I could just lie in my bed and die. It seems so dramatic, but it’s the truth, I’m 19 [20 in December] and I feel so fed up with living life, almost as if living was drastically overrated. lol It’s as if everything is just a big joke, like every one in the planet serves as nothing more but to make this big enigmatic higher power laugh. ridiculous I know, but it’s how I feel. Sometimes I feel like everything in life follows this path set before us, faith or w/e you want to call it but I always make everything so hard and undoable. Life is not hard you just live it, but everyday just seems like such a task, and I don’t want to deal with it. I used to blame my dad for everything, but it’s not fair I guess it’s my fault too. He was somewhat of an abuser mostly emotional abuse, rarely physical.

With the way things were at home, I messed up opportunities I had by doing stupid shit & skipping school. I used to feel like I had done it all, so there was no reason to go on. I still feel like that on occasions. I’m depressed most of the time, I don’t know how to show affection [hence, I’ve never had a boyfriend], I still live with my parents as opposed to the people I went to school with, who have gone and started their lives away from home. Recently my family and I have moved away from North Carolina and on to California. I’ve left all my friends I’ve ever known behind, the drugs, the alcohol, my mistakes, & the only happiness I’ve ever truly felt. Now that I’m in California, I’m planning on attending college and getting an associates degree in Graphic Design, but I don’t think it’s enough. Sometimes I just want to run away from home and tough it out like a nomad in LA. lol But that’s a little to drastic and so is suicide. Which I’ve contemplated for a while, but I’m too much of a pu**y to pull something like that off. :/

So my question to you is what should I do with my life, is anything worth living for, is anything worth waiting for, or am I just a loser/freak?

*Please HELP me if you can*

P.s.

you are the nicest person for giving your fans advice on personal matters. <3

Is there anything worth living for? are you mental? You’re a teenager moving from North Carolina to California! You’re basically LIVING the plot of my two favorite 80’s movies: Lost Boys and Karate Kid. I’m completely fucking jealous. California! fresh avocados! State tuition is only like $7k a year! as long as you don’t get bitten by Kiefer Sutherland you’ve got it made.

Fuck the past, ok? the opportunities you’ve missed, the mistakes you’ve made. Look at it like a movie. Act One was the set up. It’s done. Where do you take it from here? This is the perfect op for you to be like David Bowie and reinvent yourself.

What do you have to look forward to? Let’s see… Getting away from your dad… Your first boyfriend… Being legal drinking age… The list goes on and on. I don’t want to minimize your struggle, and believe me, everyone has days when dying in bed sounds SO appealing, but you don’t have to see the good around the corner to believe that its coming.

Look, everyone knows Ralph Machio, but no one knows Billy Zabka, right? Why? Cos he’s the blonde dickhead who lost. Point is, you’ve got to be a champion. –I’ll be your Mr. Miagi. And Miagi say relax. Between you and me, nothing sounds cooler than a graphic design student from California.

8) from REITA

???????????????

So my new boyfriend I'm pretty sure is fucking crazy. The only reason I ended up dating him was because he had threatened to kill himself out of love for me. So instead of letting him die, I said yes. He lives in England, and I live here, in the United States and he is so dead set on us being together forever, and it's been 3 weeks. I told him I went upstairs because my friend James had called to help me with Animal Crossing. Sounds safe right? Being the paraniod little Brit that he is, all he saw was "Upstairs/ James" and he cut himself.

So what do I do with someone like him? He's fucking crazy and I already don't really want to deal with it.

Reita… either you are so astonishingly hot that you literally drive the boys crazy, or your BF was insanely messed up from birth. Either way, right now he is ‘dead set on being together forever’ with you. Repeat: Dead. Set. If you stay with British Maniac, he will definitely kill you. Get the fuck away. Consider it self-defense. The Reita Protection Program.

I know it’s a major hassle, but you’ll have to change your number, block him from myspace, etc.. you may want to try contacting his parents prior to your disappearing act, but you should feel no guilt, as you have done nothing wrong.

British Maniac, you way want to compare notes with my stalker in question #2. See, THAT’S how you stalk… politely, and without a single death threat.

9) from Judy

?????????Parlez Francais? Je parle un petit peu

Sadly I don’t. if my parents had sent me to the Swiss boarding school Le Rosey like I demanded then maybe things would be different now. I’d probably be playing bass in The Strokes. Instead, i was assured that “French is a dying language” and was therefore encouraged to study Espanol. -since “America will soon be a Spanish speaking country.”

I took classes for 8 years, but when the opportunity in Barcelona finally came to communicate with living breathing Spaniards, my training failed me. I was braindead, or as Javier would say, “retardado”.

I was reduced to ordering the “Un Numero Uno con Coca Cola para llevar por favor.” from McDonalds almost every day.

--And you all know about my botched attempts to communicate with my cleaning lady.--- how excited I was at the holidays last year to give her a massive bag of unopened HappyMeal toys for her children, so I ran up to her and shouted, in Spanish, “Do you want to have a baby?”

I want a life do-over.

10) C (loong one but interesting question)

????????

Mat; First of all I just want to say that you fucking rock for doing this Q&A thing. You're a deep individual with a unique sense of thinking. A quality in man that is few and far between these days.

This is my question for you, and I hope to the goddess that you can help my vibratory level increase 10 fold on the matter.

I should give a little back ground info on the matter at hand. Growing up, I was in a family with strict moral values and a very sieged, as it were, lifestyle. I wasn't allowed to go out with friends to the movies if my parent's didn't know their parents, and; I wasn't allowed to date boys until I was 17 years old. Because my dad was so old fashioned, he wanted a boy to ask him if it was "okay" if we dated. Eventually, I generated a fear of people. Boys a huge fear. My dad was a terror and there was no way that I was going to put some poor boy through that painful state of asking my father for my hand in a relationship. So I closed myself off of that for most of my life.

When I turned 18, I did what every youth with strict upbringing did and I went crazy. I did the partying every night thing, drinking till the sun came up and three week binges deal. That was all fine and served it's course until I became the responsible adult that I am now. However, the fear with boys stayed with me through and through. I had never been able to face a member of the opposite sex that I thought was attractive because of some deep-rooted false way of thinking that I gave myself in my teenaged years.

Now, I am 30 years old and I am still a virgin. I met a guy that I liked three years ago and I thought for sure he was the one, we did everything together and he was the sweetest guy ever. Until the "day" came, we were close to the "act", really close and I told him that I was still an innocent. He thought I was kidding, it was clear when he started to laugh at me. But his poise changed when he realised that I wasn't kidding. He became distant, one second he was right there with me, the next he was 1000 miles away. He left that night and avoided me for a couple of days. Eventually he broke up with me for the reasons of: "It's just not working out." When ever he and his friends would see me in the bar, they would whisper to themselves and stare at me.

It confused me, I always heard that men taking virgins was the biggest fantasy of all time, and here is one man running from me because I was a 27 year old virgin. Now, not only do I have some fabricated fear of boys, I now have a tremendous fear of revealing that I am a 30 year old virgin woman.

Mat, I have no idea how to overcome this blockage from self discovery and I have yet to have my own coming of age story. People have asked me if I was a lesbian or even if I was bisexual and I assure you I am straight, women are beautiful creatures but they don't produce that warm tingly feeling I get when I see a good looking man. I really don't know how to deal with the opposite sex, nor do I know if I should ever reveal that I am a virgin.

I'm afraid Mat, very afraid I don't want to be that 40 year old virgin woman. I'm not frigid, just afraid, I want to experience those feelings and all that goes with it, but I am so afraid. I hope you can help.

I don’t know why but I’m picturing your dad looking like Burt Reynolds… mainly because when I grew up in the 80s all assholes had mustaches.

Thank you for opening up about your situation.. it’s really fascinating. Off the top, here are some immediate thoughts

-Haven’t all the parents in the world gotten the email yet? Kids who are suffocated with discipline eventually rebel. Give them the freedom to make the right decisions and they will want to earn your trust. Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be… wait. shit. Those are Whitney Houston lyrics

-your dad fucked you up more than you are willing to recognize. I get the feeling he did or said something horrible that you aren’t sharing… this goes levels beyond old-fashioned and overprotective. you used the word ‘terror’

-Your “deep rooted false way of thinking” isn’t something that you “gave” to yourself as a teen. It was cruelly thrust upon you. It’s easy to see how traumatic events in childhood can echo into adulthood... it may take years of therapy to fully comprehend and reverse the damage.

-I want to hear more about the Nicki Hiton partygirl phase that you went through. I bet you have some stories.

-this is more for everyone’s knowledge: unless you live in Iraq, not ALL guys dream about having sex with virgins. That’s how I knew the Islamic fundamentalists were so messed up. 72 virgins??? That‘s your idea of paradise? Sounds like something a 12 year old dweeb would come up with during a game of Dungeons and Dragons.

-your ex sounds like a tumbling, tumbling dickweed. You’re lucky he slipped up and showed his true colors now rather than later. I hope you don’t regret telling him the truth. You could even be more upfront next time and not wait to drop the final second Doug Flutie honesty ambush.

-I’m not too concerned about your virgin status. Don’t even sweat it, the sex will come. I’m more concerned with your crippling fear of men. You’re simply going to have to force yourself outside of your comfort zone in order to grow. you have to start letting guys in to your world. they’re just boys… believe me, some of them are just as scared of you.

-Finally --- when it happens, with the right guy, let us know. You sound like a cool girl.

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