Kill Hannah Robbed, Remaining US Tour Dates Canceled

Posted on November 11, 2009 at 05:26 PM

Oh, boo! Resident blogger Mat Devine and crew are reporting that their van and over $120,000 in equipment (epically pictured above) have been stolen. The loss couldn't have come at a worse time as Kill Hannah is currently on the road with Morningwood, Jet, and Papa Roach. Official release is after the jump.

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Raccoon Society-- Ask Mat--- ROUND 14

Posted on November 11, 2009 at 08:35 AM

Click HERE to follow Mat on Twitter.  Click HERE to follow Kill Hannah on Twitter.

Eating: the dressing room is very dark. Hoping that was hummus.

Drinking: Penfold’s Merlot, grey goose dirty martini

Reading: wine lists and highway signs

Listening to: Howard Stern on Sirius, Deftones White Pony, Ride Nowhere.. nostalgia always strikes this time of year

Welcome to another edition of The Raccoon Society…

I’m typing at you bleary-eyed from Baltimore, MD in the final week of our tour w/ Morningwood, JET and P Roach. 

An interesting thing about being a professional gypsy, spending so much of my life in hotels, I start to notice trivial details. Like, those Emergency signs by the elevators.... Someone, somewhere got PAID to design these. More often than not, the fire resembles a ghost or a Klansman, and the stickguy looks like a flamboyant arsonist... fleeing the scene. I started taking Blackberry pics over the past several days just to show you:

IN CASE OF FIRE, Creep into the basement very, very quietly. 

IN CASE OF FIRE, it was your bong. Walk away all nonchalant, like you don’t even notice the alarms going off.

IN CASE OF FIRE, wait at top of stairs. When fire turns corner, give it a judo kick.

IN CASE OF FIRE, tap dance on the stairs like a complete tool.

IN CASE OF FIRE, stop! Don't i recognize you from somewhere? 

IN CASE OF FIRE, it's still a wonderful afternoon! A brisk jog to the Gay Pride Parade is just the thing!  Dislocate your right knee.

IN CASE OF FIRE, dress impeccably. A gentleman never rushes. Your cash and jewels are safe in the Canary Islands offshore account.

This one’s from Canada, and sends the exact opposite message:

IN CASE OF FIRE, Panic and run like a motherfucker.

There we're so many excellent questions I won't get to until next week.. but just to summarize a few:

Majo: Your dad IS an asshole and owed you an explanation. Don’t lose your faith in men or love.

George: go to Community College for a year then transfer.

Andi: yes, you can make out w your step-cousin.

Cinnamon Girl: Elias will email you his response.

Nazz: Welcome to Existentialism.

Alex: Nothing about any of us is ‘natural.’ Make your own ‘destiny’. Do what it takes to be happy.

THANK YOU to THE MAINE for being my guests this week. They were generous enough to take time from their whirlwind tour with Boys Like Girls and Cobra Starship to answer several of your questions.  THANK YOU also to their fans for your submissions! It’s wild to see how much we all have in common. Welcome to The Raccoon Society— hope you stay.

<<<<<<Join me next week, when my guest will be AMANDA PALMER. AFP lent her voice to one of my favorite new KH songs, and she’s easily one of the most compelling, daring artists I’ve ever known.  CLICK HERE to leave a question for either of us. Just put ????AMANDA or ????MAT in the header of your COMMENT.>>>>>>

Finally…  I want to continue to urge you all to keep submitting… and to keep commenting. Often there are brilliant, touching stories that I’m unable to respond to, and I’d love for all of you in this community to feel open to express yourselves. If you can relate to some one else’s dilemma, let them know. I read ALL the submissions, and I just hope all your Raccoons know how much I care about you.

Go time...

1) FROM Vee ???? THE MAINE (Kennedy).

Q: I was just wondering if you guys believed in God, or religion? (Only if you’re comfortable with that though. -i don't mean to put you in an awkward position...) Thanks!

A (Kennedy): I am not really a religious person. As I have grown up in life, and experienced the world, I haven't had a need for religion. I do not believe that there is a God, or afterlife, etc. -Only because I have not experienced anything to prove their existence. I feel that life is a crazy adventure and to live life to its fullest you need to appreciate what a special thing it is. If you spend life focusing on what is afterwards, you never get to see the world in front of you. There are very positive parts of religious practice, however. Many religions promote honorable morals. -The same morals that have been instilled in me, throughout my life, without the pursuit of a rewarding afterlife. Religion is a touchy subject with a lot of people, and therefore I choose to live my life without it, so far so good.

2) FROM AKM ??????MAT.

Q: My friends are all thin and pretty good-looking. I am the one they call the "fat friend." I have always been overweight and now that I am in college I am still very overweight. My friends all get dates and get attention from guys and I just get left out. Obviously no guy likes fat girls.

I am trying to lose weight but nothing seems to work. I feel ugly and useless, and when we go out I feel invisible.

My friends all tell me that it's what's inside that counts, and that I'm beautiful, and that somewhere there's a guy for me, but I know it's BS. I told them guys just don't like girls like me. They still tried to make me feel better so since you are so honest I want to ask you straight up.

Would you date a fat girl? Are fat girls even remotely attractive? Is all the stuff my friends say really BS or are they actually telling the truth and I haven't met the right guy?

I'm sick of being invisible and I’m even more sick of being lied to.

"The Fat Friend"

A (MAT): I know what its like to be ‘invisible’ as you described so well. -growing up with a tall handsome best friend that looked like David Beckham, I basically felt like Danny Devito in his shadow. Don’t let it bum you out… you will emerge one day for other, more significant characteristics.

The movie Shallow Hal puts forth the very Disney-esque, romantic notion that all men are vane and that all obese women are beautiful on the inside. I COMPLETELY disagree. The truth is, almost ALL people suck, -heavy, thin or otherwise. It’s so incredibly rare to find anyone on this planet that has a good heart, an original thought, or who can make me laugh… so, in terms of who I love and admire as dear friends... weight has absolutely nothing to do with it.

In terms of sex, let me ask you something: Are YOU turned on by overweight guys?

Chances are, the answer is ‘not usually.’

There are basic biological and evolutionary explanations behind what you and i find attractive—it isn’t arbitrary. Humans may certainly be intelligent animals, but make no mistake: we’re still animals.

What we call “beauty” may not be “skin deep” after all. All species take in physical clues, evaluating one another’s ‘fitness’ for reproduction and, like it or not, we are no different. When a guy hits on your skinny friend, ‘fertility’ may be the last thing on his mind, but SUBCONSCIOUSLY, an elaborate system is calculating the data... from the symmetry of her facial features, to the size of her hips relative to her waist. -Just like how certain tropical birds court mates with the brightest feathers, indicating a lack of parasites, all humans are drawn to physical traits that indicate good genes and good health.

You wouldn’t place a personal ad saying, “I’m looking for a hunchback with a glass eye and a tiny dick,” cos that just doesn’t make evolutionary sense.

Now, obviously, there’s more to the story.

We all know outwardly stunning women who are insecure, vacuous and insane. I’d rather get Conjunctivitis than sit and have a conversation with someone like that. I suspect your friends are right… that you have “inner beauty” and ULTIMATELY, that is what truly matters.

I’ll share something really personal with you right now: I was your age the first time I had sex. The girl was not thin. She was captivating, charming and lovable. She was also short, shy and pasty. It was her kindness, her record collection and her Smiths poster that first turned me on.

So, is there a guy out there for you? Absolutely.  –But your life goal is not to ‘be thin’ to impress ‘that guy’. Your life goal is ‘to experience the best shit that the planet has to offer’ , ‘to make history’, and ‘to live up to your full potential’. You want an obituary that’s 5 pages long.. not 5 words.

If you choose to lose weight, do it for reasons of health, not aesthetics. It will surely improve your quality of life, but it in no way affects your value as a person.

Finally, stop comparing yourself to your friends. Compare yourself, right now, to who you could be at your very best. We ALL have things we need to work on to improve… If your body is your biggest issue, (pun intended) you’re VERY lucky. There’s no diet in the world that can make stupid girls UN-batshit-crazy. 

3) FROM Shana ???? The MAINE (John).

Q: I'm a freshmen in college and I've been really homesick lately. Also, I have been having troubles sleeping for the past couple months. How do you deal with being homesick on the road, and do you have any ideas that might help me sleep?

A (John): Being on the road, or away from home I get homesick often. At first, I had trouble sleeping also. However, I began to do things that helped remind me of home. Putting on music that reminded me of people, or places played a huge roll in seizing the feeling of being homesick. I would also send random texts to those back at home just saying "hello." Just to hear from them is enough to feel more at home. 

There's nothing worse than a case of missing home, but "home is where you make it," as the saying goes.

4) FROM Kat  ????? MAT.

Q: Hi, I was wondering if you know how to get rid of stupid and annoying siblings. 
My sister has a problem: She’s always so fucking bored that all she can think of doing is to walk into my room and annoy me. I am so sick of it ! i can’t lock my door, cus then she stands outside it and yells at me for locking it and that’s pretty annoying too. It won’t work to tell my parent, i´ve tried. And BTW, she said your blog was stupid. (It might seem like she’s 5, but she’s 17) Thanks

A (MAT): First of all your sister wouldn’t know good blogging if it broke in through her window tonight wearing a clown mask, put her in a sack and carried her out to a windowless van… Seriously, I know “people” that can take care of your “problem”. In this economy, you wouldn’t believe what $100 will get you in Koreatown.

Tell her that she’s one tantrum away from waking up in the bottom of an empty well in the woods, surrounded by chicken bones and fingernails. “Brrr I’m so cold.. Owww my head hurts.. What smells like soy sauce?  Why are there fortune cookie crumbs in my hair?”

Short answer: She looks up to you, and she desperately wants your attention. If she were smart, she’d be in her own room reading this blog too, just like you.

"Noblesse oblige" is a French term that literally means, "nobility obligates." You are the wiser and nobler sister; therefore you have a certain responsibility to care for those who are feeble and witless. Look on her, not as an annoying sibling, but as a roadside street urchin outside your English castle gate. She’s the burden you’ve been waiting for… your chance to earn your royal lineage.

The next time she comes into your room, say, ”Oh wonderful.. you’re here! How good of you to come! An invitation was sent to the sewer, but I wasn’t sure that it would find you! Please, have some Orange Blossom tea. Try one of these blueberry scones! They’re in season, darling. Let me look at you.. such a charming little creature. my oh my…What a curious hairstyle! how interesting… how bizarre! I want you to know, that from now on, MY room.. is YOUR room. In Spain, that’s a country, dear, they would say, “Mi Casa, Su casa!” isn’t that delightful?”

Kill her with freaky Elizabethan kindness. I guarantee she’ll be visiting less frequently.

5) FROM Lily   ???? The Maine (Pat Kirch)

Q: This guy keeps giving me mixed messages on whether he wants to go out with me or not. I'm pretty sure he does, but some of his actions are telling no. Everyone knows that I like him and they all say that he likes me too, but I can't help but disagree on the last part. What should I do? Should I just flirt some more and hope he comes along?

A (Pat Kirch): Hi Lilly it sounds to me like he does like you but is afraid to show it. If you really like him you should just be straight forward with him and tell him that you like him. I think he will respond well to you being so honest with him. I hope this helps. I am not to good on this stuff but maybe it will help haha

6) FROM Christina ????MAT

Q: Four years and a baby later, my boyfriend and I are still going strong but things always get weird when the word "marriage" is brought up. The way I was raised, I believe that marriage is one of the vital parts of being a family. He on the other hand, thinks it's just a piece of paper. His parents divorced when he was little and his mother's been married 4 (FOUR) times, so I can see why he's having such a hard time with this. It upsets me that he can't understand why marriage is so important to me and he always says we'll get married eventually, but only because he thinks I'll leave him if we don't. Any advice on what we should do?

Also while I have you on here, I have another question regarding sex. It would be understandable if this was happening after baby, but even pre-baby, it's been hard to get him in the sack, haha. I feel like I'm playing the "guy role" sometimes. He never initiates sex and I ALWAYS do and it's starting to be a turn-off for both of us. I either end up feeling like a complete pervert or that he's just not interested in me anymore. He's always so tired...is this normal?

A (MAT): Is it “normal” for a guy to avoid sex with his long-term girlfriend after a while? Kind of… sometimes. Does that mean you should accept it? No.

Something is fundamentally off.

In our society, most adults feel crammed into 1 of 2 categories; Either ‘single/lonely’ or ‘married/bored’ – your boyfriend wants to avoid both. Who could blame him?

2,000 years ago, in the Middle East, when the average life expectancy was 25 years, things were so much simpler. Marriage was a no-brainer. I imagine it was relatively easy to commit to one girl for “the rest of your life”… when “the rest of your life” is, like, next Spring. Also, worst case, if it were to fall apart, you weren’t splitting house payments and taxes and car insurance etc.. you’d just grab your blanket and your camel and get the fuck out.  In a modern world, it’s more complicated. 

I won’t argue for or against the relevancy of marriage itself, because it truly depends on who are and what makes sense to you.

I have a few guesses what’s up.

a) He could be bored. His mom was married 4 times, which means she’s got to be a cougar. If she’s hot, then he must be pretty cute. If he’s pretty cute, then he has other options with other girls. If he has other options, but he’s got you and the new baby, however much he loves you both, he may feel trapped and stressed. 

After years of dating, you both reached the “comfort zone”.. and that’s cool. Most people would kill to have some one with whom they can finally just “be themselves” …watch DVDs, wear dumpy sweatpants and your coke bottle glasses, no make up and chapped lips… That’s amazing. But at the same time, and I don’t care if this sounds vane, EVERYONE in a long-term relationship has an obligation to stay attractive to the other. We all age like shit, and looks inevitably fade, but you have to make an effort to stay physically attractive and mentally stimulating.

I do not believe in unconditional love. I just don’t. I have a very active imagination. Show me an example of unconditional love and I can think of some theoretical way to fuck it up. You can never take someone for granted. As impossible as it may be, you need to get your cute yoga butt back, and pursue cool interests outside of him and your baby.

b) He could be gay. Is he very clean and detail-oriented? Does he work out? Have you seen any charges for Laser Hair Removal on your credit card? Does he own my CD?

c) He could be depressed.

Whether it’s a, b, or c, forget about marriage for a minute. You don’t want to marry someone who doesn’t desire you. A wedding ring will not fix anything.

As parents, you owe it to yourselves and your baby to give Marriage/Couples Counseling a shot. Get everything out in the open. Hopefully, there’s a simple explanation for why he’s been sexually distant. It could be something laughably small, and you guys will work it out. Be open and willing to hurt each other’s feelings to get at the core issues… Most happy couples say that “laughter and communication” are the keys to longevity. I imagine Scotch and Xanax are on that list too.

7) FROM Joanne ??????? THE MAINE (Garrett)

Q: Best and worst pick-up lines? Or, if you don't like that question: What's your favourite song of all time?

A (Garrett): I can answer both for you!! The best pick up line I've heard would have to be, "Are you from Nashville? Cause you’re the only Ten I See." Worst: "You’re exactly like my sister.."

My favorite song of all time would have to be Ryan Adam's "The Shadowlands" from his record, "Love Is Hell" (that also happens to be my favorite record of all time.)

8) FROM Sarah ????MAT

Q: I'm currently completing my senior year at high school, but things aren't going so well. I'm a Muslim girl and am often labeled as a 'terrorist'. I am often called mean names and told to 'go back to my country'. People always stare at me, like they’re better than me. How do I let them know that I'm just like them, without starting any fights?

A (MAT): I’m so sorry to hear that. It’s disturbing that people are still so ignorant.

A few words that might be some small consolation

-People are scared of what they don’t understand, and we Americans are particularly narrow-minded. Geographically we’re pretty insulated, and the heads of Media have always capitalized on our fears to reinforce negative stereotypes. I understand a degree of Nationalism, but unchecked, it can be dangerous. Back when I was a kid, we were brainwashed to fear Russians!

-You can't change them, and you don't want them as friends.

-I get called a “fag” literally every day on tour by someone in a passing car. All my bandmates and friends do. At first, you feel a little bummed out and embarrassed for yourself. Then, after a while, you’ll cringe in embarrassment for THEM. Next will come a time when you just don’t notice anymore at all. -and ultimately, you’ll reach the stage where it just makes you laugh. -As if you’re watching it in a bad movie. 3^rd person perspective living.

-High School is such a small pond. As you get older you’ll mover to bigger, more diverse place.

-As for the “terrorist” comment… that word seems particularly subjective, considering we are all sons and daughters of revolutionaries.

-Do NOT let any of them discourage you from achieving what you want to.

Here’s an old excerpt from my diary that you might relate to:

(cont. spring 2007) …So I get to this tiny industrial town and I start wandering. Nothing but desolation… Bombed-out churches, scattered dilapidated homes… I walk by a sad, pathetic tavern. There’s a tall man outside who watches me pass, and then makes a derogatory remark about my appearance. As always, I’d have kept on walking, but this ONE time I’m compelled to stop… so struck was I by the flagrant absurdity and injustice of the scenario. I felt unnaturally short-tempered and ballsy. 

I say something like, “Sir, I’ve traveled around the world, and I’ve seen a lot of shitholes. –but this is THE  SHITIEST shithole I’ve ever been in. This town has absolutely NOTHING to offer. -An outsider shows up under random circumstances and, being a genius, you decide the best move is to mock me? Are you INSANE? You should be begging me…literally BEGGING ME for stories of the outside world.

I’m an Outsider... a complete stranger…You don’t know ANYTHING about me… but you’ve already shown your hand. I know you LIVE in this shithole, and I know you’ll DIE in this shithole. I don’t even know the NAME of this shithole and I don’t need to. I just know 3 things. 1. it’s about an hour from Pittsburg  2. It looks and smells like Afghanistan, and 3. I’m never coming back.  -And thanks to your bullshit comment, we both just missed a rare opportunity to learn something new from eachother.

Now, I’ll forget all about your janky ass about 5 minutes after telling my friends this story, but you’ll remember this faggot for a long time… The One That Talked Back. Well, good luck in the afterlife I guess. I’m gonna go pee on a building and play a show.”

9) FROM Dom ????The Maine (Jared):

Q: What do YOU guys think killed the dinosaurs?

Q: If you had the opportunity to visit any planet/place in the galaxy other than Earth, where would you visit?

Q: If you had to choose between lollipops and gummi bears, which would you choose and why?

A (Jared): Thousands of years ago Lord Gilgamesh traveled through Earth's atmosphere using his advanced telekinetic power. He wiped darkness across the skies and attempted to extinguish all life on our precious planet... Actually it was probably just a giant piece of flaming space rock that collided with our planet. Scary stuff.

If I could travel to anywhere in our galaxy, I would try to find a black hole. Black holes are rock and roll.

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