fuseblog

Happy, Juno Supporters?

Maybe the writers should have stayed on strike. Last night's 80th Annual Academy Awards were quite the bore, though a few talking points were still delivered. Euros scored all of the acting awards, Owen Wilson showed up and spoke (very straight, scripted patter) and the look on P.T. Anderson's non-Best Director winning face was priceless, but really, the best moment of the night was Glen Hansard (of the Frames) and Marketa Irglova winning Best Original Song. Following Hansard's short acceptance speech, the orchestra began to play music, ushering Irglova before she was able to speak. Happily, host Jon Stewart brought her back out following a commercial and she gave her speech, urging independent musicians and artists to follow their dreams. The best Oscar moment in years. Not so best? Diablo Cody winning Best Original Screenplay for a Juno script that features a stupendously stupid exchange about a hamburger telephone. Juno: a cute little The N-type film but COME. ON. Check YouTubery of Glen and Marketa's performance of Falling Slowly, and then of the acceptance speeches:

Go Directly To Jail

In one of the more lame moves to recently come out of Hollywood (and Burbank, and Culver City) Universal and game manufacturer Hasbro have announced a new "strategic partnership" to create at least four films from current Hasbro games. First up? A movie based on Monopoly, directied by Ridley Scott. Yes, the Blade Runner Ridley Scott. Perhaps we find out that Rich Uncle Pennybags is a replicant? Or that Hollywood thinks we'll drop money on anything?

Other possible flicks include Ouija, Stretch Armstrong, a possible new Clue and Battleship. Hopefully not directed by Michael Bay.

Ultimate Cobain Moving Coming?

It will be if Courtney Love has anything to do with it. According to reports, Love has approached Scarlett Johansson to play Love in the film of Heavier Than Heaven, a Cobain biography written with Love's cooperation. Love needed to find an actress who could convey Love's half of this complicated relationship, all while having similar looks to Love. Since no one fit that description, they're chasing the uber-hot Johansson. Ryan Gosling is apparently in to play Cobain. From The Mirror:

A close friend says: "Kirsten Dunst was rumoured to be in the frame, but Courtney really admires Scarlett and has already sent the contract out for her to sign. Courtney even copied Scarlett's sleek blonde movie look when she was in London for the Fashion Rocks party last year.

"This is a labour of love for Courtney and she is putting her heart and soul into making it an accurate, credible glimpse of her life with Kurt."

And Courtney has also lined up Oscar-nominated Ryan Gosling to play husband Kurt.

Her friend adds: "She wants the best actors to portray them - she will be on set all the time giving Scarlett and Ryan advice on what it was like being one part of the most notorious couples since Sid and Nancy. It will be explosive."

Manhattan Bashed Again, This Time By Cloverfield

Over the years New York City has been attacked and knocked around like no other city; giant lizards, dystopian prisons, nuclear annihilation, freak weather occurrences, and Sex & the City tourists. Next in line to level NYC is Cloverfield, a flick coming out on January 18th with a still-secret monster protagonist. The sheer amount of bombardment is too much for one Manhattan bar-goer, who left the following social commentary in the bathroom of East Village tavern 2A over the weekend. Below, the affected poster. Hollywood: LEAVE US ALONE.

Shocker: Lindsay Lohan Hot

Lists. Everybody makes them. Lists are bullet-pointed, A.D.D.-sensitive content acting as a balm for stress-addled minds. No one thinks they're important, but we all love them. And generally, they're accompanied by lots of photos. And when the list concerned is of Maxim's Hot 100, the more pics, the better. In a move that will shock no one, and yet is still worthy of our attention, Maxim has placed Lindsay Lohan atop its annual Hot 100 list. The actress/partier tops a rundown filled with the usual suspects, including Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel, and not so usual suspects, like Christina Aguilera (she's got pipes, but here she's up against some heavy hitters). One of the Olsen twins made it (Ashley, the hot, non-sickly one) made it, one did not.

Lindsay rules.

According to Maxim magazine, at least this month, she’s the hottest woman in the world.

The “Georgia Rule” actress-troublemaker tops the magazine’s eighth annual “Hot 100” list, a ranking by editors weighing buzz and beauty for women in film, TV, music, sports and fashion.

“There is no other star in the world (who) causes more of a stir in the public eye than Lindsay,” said Maxim Editor in Chief Jimmy Jellinek in a statement. “Her every move is watched and reported on.”

Not surprisingly, Jellinek described his young, male readership as being “obsessed” with the 20-year-old Lohan, a ubiquitous party girl who spent the weekend soaking up the sun (with a new boyfriend) in the Bahamas.

Jessica Alba had to settle with the No. 2 on the list, which is in the magazine hitting stands Saturday. She’s followed, in order, by Scarlett Johansson, Christina Aguilera, Jessica Biel, Ali Larter, Eva Mendes, Rihanna, Eva Longoria, Fergie, Sienna Miller, Angelina Jolie, Beyonce Knowles and Katherine Heigl.

Celebrity sisters Ashlee and Jessica Simpson are on the list at No. 16 and 41, respectively. Ashley Olsen, half of the mogul acting twins, placed 37th, while sister Mary-Kate didn’t make the cut.

Reminder: Lindsay Lohan Is Not Yet 21

Break out the guyliner and toss those old DVDs of The Parent Trap: the bender to end all benders is coming. Appearing on Ellen Wednesday, Lindsay Lohan revealed that her 21st birthday celebrations will take place in Las Vegas (as well as a dinner in Malibu, but who cares about that) and has been, according to Lindsay, a long time coming. Yikes. You can practically feel the party machine already sputtering to alcohol fuel-choked life. Oh, and she has a new film with Felicity Huffman and Jane Fonda blah blah blah.

Lindsay Lohan won’t be satisfied with a cake and some candles when she turns 21.

The raspy-voiced actress, who celebrates her big birthday on July 2, said Wednesday on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” that she plans to “milk it” when she becomes old enough to legally go to clubs.

Lohan said turning 21 has “been a long time coming” for her friends who own clubs in Los Angeles. After she’s legal, “they don’t have to worry about getting into trouble,” for letting her inside, she told host Ellen DeGeneres.

She’ll celebrate by partying in Vegas, she said, and also with a dinner in Malibu, Calif., with family and friends.

Lohan, who stars opposite Felicity Huffman and Jane Fonda in the upcoming Universal Pictures film “Georgia Rule,” also showed off a white tattoo of the word “breathe” on the inside of her wrist.

No Pay Rent

If you haven't already happened upon this particular piece of comic genius during your travels across the Interweb, pause for a moment, then, to watch some Will Ferrell hilarity. The two minute video stars Ferrell, co-writer and friend Adam McKay, and McKay's two year-old daughter Pearl as a landlord. Sadly, McKay has drawn fire from some for having his toddler recite such verbal darts as b*tch and a**hole. These people need to chill, yo. The reason for making this video, btw? Just to make something funny. Novel concept. Watch YouTube below or check a cleaner version on their site.

Nicks: Stay Away, Firecrotch

Is there anything Lindsay Lohan won't do to try and cement a respected spot in the Hollywood establishment? Apparently not. Legendary Fleetwood Mac singer Stevie Nicks tells Blender that she has heard that Lohan wants to portray her in a biopic, and that Nicks thinks it's a pretty awful idea. Though could it be argued that Lohan's substance abuse could merely have been preparation for the role?

Stevie Nicks has denied rumours that Lindsay Lohan has signed to play her in an upcoming film.

Lohan is said to be desperate to portray Nicks in a movie focusing on the Fleetwood Mac singer's rock star lifestyle in the seventies and eighties.

However, Nicks insisted that she has never even heard of the movie and believes it would be impossible to make.

Nicks told Blender: "Lindsay Lohan thinks she is going to play me? But what the hell movie does she think she's talking about? There is no book, there is no screenplay, there is no movie without me, because it's never going to be the story of me.

"Even though a lot has been written about me, the fact is nobody actually has a clue to what my life was really like. So, good luck Lindsay!"

Hey, It's Our Own Willa Ford!

Well that didn't take long. Willa Ford, host of fuse's very own Pants-Off Dance-Off, is set to star in the title role of an Anna Nicole Smith biopic that begins shooting next week. Strike while the iron is hot! That's what they say. The flick will cover Smith's life as a centerfold, model, wife of an aged tycoon and lightning rod for tragedy. No word on how Trimspa will be portrayed.

Dancer-singer Willa Ford has signed to star as Anna Nicole Smith in an indie biopic that will begin shooting next week.

The previously announced film, "Anna Nicole," is produced by Jack Nasser and Joseph Nasser with Elie Samaha exec producing. Keoni Waxman directs.

Movie will cover Smith's life from age 17 until her death in February at 39, including her success as a Playboy centerfold, Guess model and actress, her marriage to billionaire oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall II, the death of her son and her own death five months after giving birth to a baby girl, Dannielynn. The dispute that erupted over who was the baby's father was settled Tuesday when a judge in the Bahamas ruled, based on DNA tests, in favor of California photographer and former Smith boyfriend Larry Birkhead.

Ford's best known for her multiplatinum single "I Wanna Be Bad" and her debut album "Willa Was Here." She was also a performer on the third season of ABC's "Dancing With the Stars." She is currently writing and recording her sophomore album. [Ed: Hey, don't forget about Pants-Off Dance-Off!]

Johansson's Sexy Bod

Here's a shocker - Scarlett Johansson, the hot ass, sexy actress with a great body, has been voted the woman with the sexiest body in the world, according to Glamour Magazine. Although the mag doesn't go into specifics, the honor is probably due to her fantastic [redacted], as well as her jaw-dropping [redacted].

Women have voted Scarlett Johansson the star with the sexiest body in the world.

The 22-year-old Hollywood actress topped a poll in Glamour magazine.

The Lost In Translation star is famous for her voluptuous figure.

Director Woody Allen described her as "criminally sexy" and Glamour said: "With curves to rival Marilyn Monroe's, Scarlett embraces old-school Hollywood style and exudes body confidence.

"Does she ever have an off day? In a word, no."

Photo via.

Leaving Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood

At least it wasn't Norbit that stormed out. Reports are that Eddie Murphy stormed out of the Kodak Theatre following the announcement of Alan Arkin's Best Supporting Actor win, IE Eddie Murphy's loss. Eddie's rep, surprise surprise, is saying that Eddie planned on leaving early anyway. Riiiiight.

Eddie Murphy is a loser. Whether or not he's a sore one is still anyone's call.

The Dreamgirls star, who was beaten out by Little Miss Sunshine's Alan Arkin in the Best Supporting Actor category Sunday night in what industry oddsmakers deemed an upset, is lashing out at reports that he erupted in a tantrum of Effie proportions after his name wasn't called.

On Monday, several reports surfaced of Murphy's purported diva behavior, stating that the Saturday Night Live alum stormed out of the Kodak Theater after Arkin ascended the podium and never returned.

The New York Post claimed that Murphy was so "furious" at his loss, that he cut and ran, and "didn't bother" showing up any post-Oscar parties. TMZ, too, got in on the squealing, saying Murphy was "a real sore loser" who further insulted the Academy by, well, "not smiling."

Such effrontery.

Murphy's rep, Arnold Robinson, attempted to put an end to the character assassination Tuesday, telling E! News that the actor did indeed leave shortly after his category was announced, but that he had planned to do so regardless of the award's outcome.

"Eddie had always planned on leaving after his category was announced to spend the rest of the evening with his family," Robinson said. "He did the same thing following the Golden Globe Awards."

The Oscars? Who Cares...

Seriously, you can keep your Martin Scorseses, your Letters From Iwo Jima, your Dreamgirls... and gimme the Razzies! But please don't give me the movies that these anti-awards honor. You see, the Razzies are handed out to the worst that Hollywood has to offer each year. The big winner (um, make that loser) thisyear? That massively bad idea of a sequel Basic Instinct 2, which took home Razzies for Worst Screenplay, Worst Prequel Or Sequel, Worst Actress (Sharon Stone) and Worst Picture Of The Year. Congratulations to the producers of Basic Instinct 2.

"Basic Instinct 2," the bomb sequel to 1992's "Basic Instinct," defeated tough competition on Saturday night to win the Razzie Award as the worst picture of 2006. The competitors included Cage's critically slammed remake of "The Wicker Man," in which the once Oscar-winning actor wears a bear suit at a moment of high drama.

The 27th annual awards, presented by the Golden Raspberry Foundation, were held at Hollywood's Ivar Theater.

"Instinct 2" -- known to Razzie organizers as "Basically, It Stinks, Too" -- won four awards overall, including worst screenplay, worst prequel or sequel and worst actress for Stone, who was mocked for her poorly presented physical assets as well as her performance.

Right behind "Instinct 2" with three Razzies was the Wayans brothers' poopfest "Little Man," which won worst actor (for Marlon and Shawn Wayans), worst screen couple (for Shawn and Marlon Wayans or Kerry Washington) and worst remake or rip-off. "Little Man" was called a rip-off of a 1954 Bugs Bunny cartoon.

M. Night Shyamalan, whose last name was a running joke all evening, picked up worst director and worst supporting actor for his waterlogged bedtime story "Lady in the Water."

Carmen Electra won worst supporting actress for her work in "Date Movie" and "Scary Movie 4."

Despite six nominations -- including one for another past Oscar winner, Ben Kingsley -- the video game-vampire tale "Bloodrayne" came up empty. So did Tim Allen, nominated for worst actor for three different films: "Santa Clause 3," "The Shaggy Dog" and "Zoom."

The Razzie show led off with a parody of "Dreamgirls" featuring a trio of men in drag (the "Bad Dreams") and continued in that impish spirit.

"Little Man," which featured Marlon Wayans' face computer-attached to an infant's head, was hailed as "a CGI achievement for the ages."

"Material Girls," starring sisters Hilary and Haylie Duff, was "inspired by the Madonna song in much the same way as World War II was inspired by World War I."

Diddy Works Factory?

Nobody makes the scene like Sean 'P Diddy Puff Daddy Diddy' Combs. The rapper/producer/romancer extraordinaire was seen escorting Sienna Miller into her New York hotel early Sunday morning. Miller is in town promoting Factory Girl, in which she plays Warhol plaything and Dylan lover Edie Sedgwick. Combs claims he was just being a gentlemen and escorting Sienna home. Edie Sedgwick and Bob Dylan, Sienna Miller and Diddy - sadly life does not imitate art.

Sean 'P Diddy' Combs has laughed off rumours he is romancing actress Sienna Miller after they were spotted sneaking into a New York hotel together.

The rapper and Jude Law's ex-fiancé were snapped after an all night clubbing session in the Big Apple yesterday.

However, when he realised he had been caught on camera - the superstar approached photographers to explain.

Diddy - who became a dad to twins with girlfriend Kim Porter last month - said: "Man, I was just being a gentleman and dropping her off.

"Yeah, we all hang out together but there's no more to it than that."

Photo via.

The Bride Wore Metaphor

$10 MIL A MOVIE FOR YOUR THOUGHTS?

This is the happiest week of my life.
I will be wearing Armani.
So will Tom, and our shortie.
I can't wait to meet the aliens.
I am happy.

I grew up dreaming of marrying Tom Cruise.
I am from Toledo, Ohio.
My career is slowly going downhill.
I am so happy.
I wonder if these windows lock.

Playboy Magazine - Out Of Ideas

Do people still "read" Playboy? Hmmm.

Actress Jessica Alba, who appears in a bikini on the cover of Playboy's March issue, is threatening to sue the magazine, claiming that Hugh Hefner & Co. are trying to make it seem that she appears in a "nude or semi-nude pictorial." According to Brian Wolf, Alba's counsel, the venerable men's magazine has caused the young star "immeasurable harm" by placing her on its cover (Alba appears next to a cover line billboarding a story on the 25 sexiest celebrities). Wolf charges that Playboy initially offered to pay Alba to appear on the cover, but that they were flatly turned down. The magazine, he added, then resorted to a ruse to obtain a promotional photo of a bikini-clad Alba from Columbia Pictures. That sultry image, from the film "Into the Blue," appears on Playboy's cover.

Not So Fast, Grandpa!

I realize that illegally downloading movies is wrong, is stealing, bad karma, etc. etc., but methinks this is ridiculous:

A 67-year-old man who says he doesn't even like watching movies has been sued by the film industry for copyright infringement after a grandson of his downloaded four movies on their home computer. Lawrence said his grandson, who was then 12, downloaded "The Incredibles," "I, Robot," "The Grudge," and "The Forgotten" in December, without knowing it was illegal to do so. The Racine man said his grandson downloaded the movies out of curiosity, and deleted the computer files immediately. The family already owned three of the four titles on DVD, he said. "I can see where they wouldn't want this to happen, but when you get up around $4,000 … I don't have that kind of money," Lawrence said. "I never was and never will be a wealthy person."

Watching "I, Robot", you're not going to get culturally wealthy, either.

There Has Never Been A Better Time To Leave Toledo, Ohio

I, for one, welcome Toledo's new Scientologist overlords. (Sorry, I'm being glib. I just can't believe the people of Toledo would actually welcome Tom and Toledo native Katie Holmes).

Previous Toledo icons:

Jamie Farr.

He's One Of Us, Now!

Good news for American Star Wars fans who love Chewbacca and would love him more if they knew that the actor who plays Chewbacca is becoming an American citizen: Chewbacca, aka British citizen Peter Mayhew, is becoming an American citizen! The walking carpet married a Texan several years ago and has racked up enough year of residency to qualify for U.S. citizenship. He will officially become a citizen at a ceremony on Monday. Following the ceremony, X-Wing fighters will stream fireworks across the sky.

Nic Cage's New Shortie Possibly From Krypton

"Oscar-winning actor Nicolas Cage is a new father. His wife, Alice Kim Cage, gave birth Monday to a boy, Kal-el Coppola Cage, in New York City, said Cage's Los Angeles-based publicist, Annett Wolf. No other details were available. "They are healthy and happy and it's quite lovely," Wolf said by phone from New York.
Cage is a nephew of filmmaker Francis Ford Coppola."

So... that means:
Francis Ford Coppola -> The Godfather -> Marlon Brando -> Jor-El -> Kal-El Coppola Cage

Better Put On A Pot Of Coffee

Remember in A Few Good Men when Demi Moore's character put on another pot of coffee? It was to sober up a drunken Tom Cruise, and to give everyone some caffeine to pull an all-nighter. Anyway, that line always made me laugh.

Demi and Ashton got married, apparently. Much has been made of Demi and Ashton's May - December relationship. That means one half of the couple is young, the other old. I was in a May - December relationship once, but that was more literal - it began in May, ended in December of the same year.

Other May - December relationships:

Sheryl Crow and Lance Armstrong
Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake
Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas
Guy Ritchie and Madonna
Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins

As They Gaze Into The Sunset...

Katie: Hey - that's a spaceship! Is that from your new new movie War Of The Worlds?

Tom: No, that's the spaceship from the Church Of Scientol... Um, yeah! That's the spaceship from my new movie War Of The Worlds.

Katie: That's great, Tom Cruise.

I Am Your Father's Brother's Nephew's Cousin's Former Roommate

Are you excited for Star Wars? I'm about to poop my pants. You should be pooping your pants, too. Check it:

The Stars Finally Align In Revenge Of The Sith (USA Today)

Better Than Star Wars, I'll See It Again And Again (Int'l Herald Tribune)

Mindblowing, says Singapore!

Darth Bush, screams WaPo!

If You Will Not Be Turned... (MSNBC Loves The Emperor)

The Sith Hits The Fans (This Is London)

Episode III Delivers (Chicago Tribune)

The Daily News Party Poops

Peter Travers from Rolling Stone Needs To Get Laid

Cold Wedding? Nurse Kenny? Seasick, Yet Still Schlock?

Renee Zellweger and country star Kenny Chesney have married on St. John, U.S. Virgin Islands.

"According to Country Weekly magazine, Chesney long ago named Zellweger as his favorite actress and was inspired to write his 1999 hit ''You Had Me From Hello'' after seeing her in ''Jerry Maguire.''"

Anyone else find that creepy?

Seventeen Magazine Predicted This Would Happen

But did they predict the new pope? And did they predict that Tom was XVI years older than she is?

Up The Creek Without A Penis

At some point, Katie, you'll want to have sex. What will you do then?

At Least We Know It's Not A Virgin Birth

In a world in which 27 year-old Ashton Kutcher has allegedly impregnated 42 year-old Demi Moore, who is punk'd, and who is not? It's a metaphysical, trucker-capped riddle wrapped inside a washed up, muscular enigma.

Maybe We Now Know Who Hacked Into Paris's Sidekick?

Russell Crowe says that Al Qaeda was seeking to kidnap him in 2001 in order to "culturally destabilize" America. As we all know, they ended up deciding to "everything destabilize" America.

Hilary Swank Has An Awesome Back

"Hmmm, Think I'll End Slavery"

Honest Liam! That's who's being tapped to portray Abraham Lincoln for a biopic that Steven Spielberg has percolating in that beard of his. At least that's the word from the Springfield (IL) Journal-Record, via Variety, the "bible of the entertainment industry", according to the SJ-R. Given the unprecedented number of midichlorians in his system, Neeson seems a good choice. Actor/martial arts expert Ray Park has been tapped to play Stephen Douglass for a debate scene that will have to be seen to be believed:

Where Is Mama's Boy's Agent?

Where has William Hung been, you asked? Why, he's been making movies in Asia! Where Is Mama's Boy? recently opened in Singapore, and William was there to celebrate his role in the film, a "street vendor who befriends a  music club owner, played by Hong Kong starlet  Nancy Sit." The big news, however, is what Hung told The Straits Times: he doesn't want to play bad guys. No sir; no obscenity, violence, vulgarity ... nuttin. Maybe a good guy agent? Hung ... William Hung. 009. You're Only Hung Once... From Hong Kong With Love... From Hung Kung With Luv... Goldhunger... Dr. Hung... The Man With The Horrible Voice... Never Sing She Bangs Again...
 

Ocean's Two? Pretty Babies? My Best Friend's Best Friend's Twins?

Good news for people who like babies (isn't that all of us?) - Julia Roberts popped her shortiez out a month early. The big event went down in la la land on sunday, and according to reports, mother and munchkins are doing fine.

Their names? Phinnaeus Walter and Hazel Patricia. Next time, try something original Julia! Like John, or Jon.

Somewhere in east Texas, Lyle Lovett is whistling a plaintive tune...

Angelic Angelina

Angelina Jolie has been named "Sexiest Woman Alive" in the latest edition of Esquire magazine, their "Women We Love" issue.

The cat-astrophe that was Catwoman didn't seem to put a dent in Halle Berry's hotness, who was second on Esquire's list.

While I can't argue with either one of those picks, I can easily take issue with #3: Britney "Just call me Federline" Spears. I can think of a plethora of better picks at #3.

And who took home the "Sexiest Woman Dead" award? Esquire's not saying, but my money's on Grace Kelly or Natalie Wood.

Phat Albert?

I was a huge Fat Albert fan when I was a kid and that's why I was slightly optimistic after hearing a while back that a film version of the animated series was in the works.

Well that optimism has turned to dread after seeing the trailer for the movie, which hits theaters Christmas day. It just looks so bad that I'm just about speechless.

If you want to see the train wreck for yourself, check out the trailer.

Much Respect

Comedian Rodney Dangerfield passed away yesterday in Los Angeles at the age of 82 due to complications of his heart surgery.

It's hard to believe that Dangerfield's first movie is still the one I (and many others) remember most - 1980's Caddyshack.

Too bad Rodney can't see the heartfelt reaction across the country to his death. He may have complained about getting no respect in life, but he's been getting nothing but in death.

Big Wood

The MPAA announced today that it is slapping Team America: World Police with an NC-17 rating due to explicit marionette sex.

Yes, you heard me correctly, explicit marionette sex.

So it's okay for Chucky to go around slashing the hell out of everyone, but the minute a couple of marionettes start gettin' it on, the MPAA lays down the NC-17 gauntlet.

I haven't seen the scene in question, but I have seen about 20 mins of the movie which was absolutely hilarious. There's something about seeing marionettes swear like a sailor and Kim Jong Il singing about how lonely he is (because he keeps killing everyone) that makes me really look forward to the movie.

If you haven't heard, Team America was hatched from the twisted minds of Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the guys behind South Park.

As producer Scott Rudin told the LA Times, "There's nothing we're asking for that hasn't appeared in other R-rated movies, and our characters are made of wood and have no genitalia. If the puppets did to each other what we show them doing, all they'd get is splinters," Rudin said.

So forget the MPAA and sneak in if you have to, but go see Team America: World Police.

Fantastic Stripper

So which Jessica Alba do you prefer? As the Invisible Woman, Sue Storm in Fantastic Four, or as a stripper in Sin City? Decisions, decisions...

Maybe Lucas is Vader

George Lucas just can't leave well enough alone. First, he screws up the new Star Wars trilogy by simply producing some of the worst, slow, boring, antiseptic, badly acted and ill-conceived movies of all-time, and now, on the eve of the DVD release of the original trilogy, we find out he's done his best to screw those up too.

He didn't go as far as putting Ja-Jar Binks into any of the films, but he did digitize Hayden Christensen into Revenge of the Jedi. For a complete list of Lucas' f#ckups (uh, improvements) to the original trilogy DVDs, click here.

Boozed-up Brat

Looks like fame and success is turning teen queen Lindsay Lohan into a boozehound and Hollywood's biggest brat, according to Tinseltown insiders.

The National Enquirer and other Hollywood gossip rags are describing the actress as a spoiled, jealous and at times vicious brat who has little regard for her fans or other actors.

Also sounds like all the partying is turning her into a bit of a lush as well. The 18-year-old star (still underage by legal drinking standards), supposedly spends most of her spare time with boyfriend Fez boozing it up at clubs all over L.A. and treating the staff and other patrons like crap.

She's even starting to turn on former friends such as Tara Reid (whose Hollywood boozehound crown Lohan seems intent on capturing), calling her a has-been and talking trash behind her back.

All the boozing and attitude is one thing, but when it starts to affect your work it's another. Defamer tells the tale of Lohan's troubles on the set of her appropriately named film, Herbie: Fully Loaded. Supposedly, Lohan has been partying so much that Disney had to pull her aside and let her know that if she didn't clean up her act, they'd send her packing.

So who are the Disney execs eyeing as Lohan's replacement? Her mortal enemy Hilary Duff, of course, whose image hasn't been sullied by constant partying and hanging out with America's favorite porn star Paris Hilton.

It's time for Lohan to give up all this squeaky-clean-enough-for-Disney facade anyway and become the trashy, slutty star she was meant to be. If it worked for Paris, it can work for Lindsay.

The Right Assets

Looks like Jessica Simpson has what it takes to take on the role of Daisy Duke. The pop star has finally been officially cast in the role she has wanted for some time. Simpson will join Seann William Scott and Johnny Knoxville as the Daisy to their Bo and Luke for the film version of the 1980s TV series, The Dukes of Hazzard.

It's the role of a lifetime for Simpson and about the only one I can really see her playing effectively. She's got the airhead thing down, as everyone has witnessed, and has the ample assets to fill out the cut-off denim shorts and tied-up shirt quite nicely.

Simpson as Daisy Duke seems like a no-brainer, but Knoxville and Stiffler as Bo and Luke? The jury's still out on this one.

Booyakasha!

Don't worry Ali G fans, you won't have to wait until the next season of the HBO comedy series to get your fix. The reviews weren't that great, but you'll be able to pick up Ali G Indahouse, the full-length 2002 Ali G film, on DVD November 2.

Although Borat isn't included, it will be the first time stateside viewers get the chance to see what his mate, Rick C, and his girl, Me Julie, look like in the flesh.

Check out the trailer here, or more info about the flick here.

Westside!

Brits Choose Blues

In a nationwide vote conducted bt the digital radio arm of the BBC, British voters chose The Blues Brothers as the best film soundtrack.

The soundtrack features such gems as Belushi and Ackroyd covering classics such as "Everybody Needs Somebody to Love," Ray Charles doing "Shake Your Tailfeather," James Brown's "The Old Landmark," and Aretha Franklin's "Think."

Rounding out the top five:
2. Pulp Fiction
3. Trainspotting
4. Saturday Night Fever
5. Dirty Dancing

Cat Scratch Fever

Despite terrible reviews and a tepid reponse from moviegoers, Halle Berry has said she's ready to put the catsuit back on for another Catwoman movie.

Uh, Halle, I don't think they make sequels for movies that bomb, although you're welcome to don the catsuit whenever and wherever you please.

In other movie news, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez have announced they are about to start work on Gigli 2: It Can't Get Any Worse.

Look for both sequels in a DVD budget bin near you.

Flippity Flop

Could it really be true? Is Catwoman worse than Gigli?

Even if it is, I bet Halle Berry bounces back faster than Jen and Ben.

One thing's for sure...don't think we'll be seeing a Catwoman 2 anytime soon.

Peter Parker Would Be Proud

Want to see an absolutely amazing (no pun intended) stop-motion animation recreation of Spider-Man 2 done entirely in Legos?

I thought so. Click here for the goodness.

They're In the Game

Green Day will debut the title track from their new CD, American Idiot on the soundtrack to EA Sports' Madden 2005 game. The CD won't be out until September, but NFL videogame players will get to hear the track when the game is released Aug. 10.

It's a testament to the marketing and sales potential of videogames, and especially the Madden series, that the band will premiere the song in this format.

The rest of the soundtrack is no slouch either, with tracks by Franz Ferdinand, The Hives, Black Eyed Peas, Chevelle, Hoobastank, New Found Glory, Midtown, Hazen Street and Alter Bridge, the band featuring three former Creed members.

The game will also feature an exclusive mash-up of D.O.C.'s "It's Funky Enough" and Earshot's "Wait," as well as the debut of the Rhina Records "Throwback Trax" song - Faith No More's "From Out of Nowhere."

Bowling For Bush

So what exactly is the cultural significance of Michael Moore's scathing indictment of the Bush administration, Farenheit 9/11 beating out the Wayans' brothers comedy, White Chicks, as the highest-grossing film over the weekend?

I'll leave that question to people smarter than myself, but just maybe it means that something a little weightier than black guys dressing up as white chicks can even have a cultural significance in the disposable culture of the blockbuster summer movie.

It's hard to analyze completely without seeing the film, which I tried to do all weekend here in NYC but every showing was sold out wherever I checked.

First, Hollywood jumps on the religious bandwagon after the success of The Passion of the Christ and now this. Looked for watered-down, non-offensive, pseudo-poltical documentaries coming to a theater/television/DVD player near you as soon as they can crank them out.

Supergeek

What could be dorkier than a middle-aged man in a Superman suit?

A whole bunch of them.

See them in all their geeky glory here.

It turns out that every year in Metropolis, IL (Metropolis, Superman...get it?) a Superman Festival is held. Celebrity guests (Z-list?) show up, people parade through town and superhuman mayhem ensues.

As if anyone should be shocked, but people even dress their dog up as the Caped Crusader.

If you ever see me there, please blast me with Kryptonite immediately.

Ouch

Good things steroids do funny things to a guy's privates, or else this wrestler who missed his mark might be in even m