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Britney In Rear-Ender

Pic above of Sally Worth mentioning Vampire Weekend

It's been awhile since we mentioned our old friend Britney Spears around these parts. This Brit hiatus was and is a result of boredom, lack of truly weird news and plain old fatigue - hasn't the world had enough Britney? Allow us to answer our own semi-rhetorical question: who knows. But once in awhile, something so juicy, so bizarre, so straight up wack occurs that we must acknowledge said happening. That happening? Oh, nothing. She rear-ended a car the other day, that's all. But why is this news? It isn't. But it's in character, kinda pathetic, and it allows a million magazine editors and bloggers to run a headline similar to what you see above. Welcome back, Britney! (Get it, Back? never mind...)

Also Rustling In the Cultural Breeze...

Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo have hit the showers, in an end-of-the-relationship, not a steamy, way. This according to Alan Peppard, who appears to be a gossip columnist for The Dallas Morning News. What will Dallas-Fort Worth area gossip-hounds write about now? Do we care?

Just when you thought Vampire Weekend were everywhere, they are even more everywhere. Pitchfork reports that the Afropop appropriators were mentioned in Sally Worth. Yes, the comic strip Sally Worth.

Jay-Z has responded to Oasis guitarist Noel Gallagher's claim that hip-hop doesn't belong at Glastonbury, the long-running UK summer festival. The world has to change, according to Jay. It's a beautiful thing, he says. Rappers have paid their dues, Jay notes. Yawn. Before I was exited for Jay-Z's Glasto set. Now? Not so much.

Once Again...

Britney's Latest Smash Hit! [E! Online]

Sources Confirm Jessica Simpson / Tony Romo Break-up [Dallas Morning News]

Indie Rock Hits The Funny Pages, Again [Pitchfork]

I Got 99 Problems But the Pitch Ain't One [The Sun, via Stereogum]

A Cute Pop Star Has Acute Laryngitis

In case you were unaware, Avril Lavigne's been all over this great continent of ours, bringing her "Best Damn Tour" to a corporately-named arena near you for awhile now. She was nearing the end but she just... couldn't... make it. Why? Homegirl's voxbox plain pooped out, Herb. In a message on her official site, Avril was un-Complicatedly contrite:

"My sincerest apologies to all of my fans. My intention was to complete the rest of the tour but tonight at sound check in Anaheim I realized this wasn't possible."

Pretty boring. Avril's kind of disappeared from the zeitgeist, has she not? Remember her clothing line?

Also Up In Our Grill:

The New York Post wonders if network television is the new rehab after Lindsay Lohan announces she will follow in Britney Spears' guest star footsteps and begin a six-episode stint on Ugly Betty. If one were to observe the actions of these stars, one would think that diminishing entertainment returns and dwindling respect levels are the "new rehab." And one would be right.

In other repellent Lohan news, People Mag and others are reporting that Lindsay "borrowed" an $11,000 mink fur coat she found after some fab party at some fab Manhattan joint (1Oak). According to the owner, she was unable to find her coat at the end of her partying on January 26th and assumed the coat was gone forever. That is, until she spotted Lohan wearing the coat in some celeb rag. After threatening to sue, she received a discreet phone call from some discreet people discreetly informing her that her coat was ready for pickup. BTW, the owner of the coat is a 22 year-old student at Columbia. She must have sold a lot of heavy books back last semester.

Finally, Scarlett Johansson is engaged to Van Wilder and has taken to showing off a rock as proof. The AP has a photo of her diamond-encrusted left hand. Stereogum has some video of her Tom Waits thing.

Celebrities and the Stupid People Like Us Who Love Them

Tom Cruise ain't normal, but he's trying to trick us into thinking he is. Tom Cruise, it won't work. Speaking with Oprah Winfrey from his overstuffed couch near the mean streets of Telluride, Colorado, Cruise noted that he doesn't regret his sofa-leaping episode on a previous Oprah appearance, that he still loves Katie Holmes and that he was misunderstood regarding the whole Prescription Drugs Are Bad thing. And to clarify, he's "not sure" he would take the sofa-jumping back. So, he wouldn't take it back. But he's not sure.

Fame, Fame, Fatal Fame:

While in the Caribbean, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon tied the knot, according to rumors and circumstantial evidence. Carey obtained a Bahamian marriage license this week, and later obtained a tropical drink with an umbrella in it, and later obtained sand in her shoes.

Madonna played an intimate, 32-minute set at Manhattan's Roseland Ballroom on Wednesday night for fans who had patiently waited up to sixty hours for entry. Thirty minute sets are about the average for marginally known indie bands playing in small clubs around the world, and now for Madonna, too.

And in possibly-fake sex tape news, the family and estate of Jimi Hendrix denies that a recently unearthed 1960's vintage sex tape features the legendary guitar player, claiming his presence is as unreal as the awesome, unreal lead line on Little Wing. Fans of salacious Hendrix imagery will have to be content with the original album cover of Electric Ladyland. [NSFW]

Jamie Lynn's Rock

According to People Mag, Jamie Lynn Spears has gotten an engagement ring from her barely legal boyfriend and has been waving it around parts of Louisiana and neighboring Mississippi. A shotgun wedding would cap a year of triumphs for Spears, who saw her hit TV show go off the air and also dealt with fallout from the fact that she got pregnant at age 16.

Throw Water At Heather Mills

On the Internet, we mean! If you are part of the 99% (or higher) of the world's population who is not down with Paul McCartney's ex-wife Heather Mills, then you may enjoy this lil' flash game in which players are invited to throw glassfuls of water at the newly rich divorcee. Having your celebrity episode immortalized in a flash game is the ultimate kitsch acknowledgment. Play the game, then please get on with your lives.

Diddy?

Back when Diddy was a Daddy, said Puffmeister was hardly seen without his best bud Biggie Smalls, and hardly mentioned without his rival Tupac Shakur. And so, the 90s continue: the LA Times is reporting that Diddy may have had advanced knowledge of a beatdown suffered by Tupac at a studio in 1994. After the attack, Shakur long claimed that Diddy knew about the planning. Diddy of course, denied denied denied, and calls the newest allegations "ridiculous" and "beyond false". Beyond meaning wrapping around false all the way to true? Or...? I don't get it.

Viral Marketing

She's not the one in Control. She is a part of the Influenza Nation (1814). No her first name ain't baby, its Janet - Miss Jackson if COUGH COUGH SNEEZE PLFFT.

According to PBS Frontline E! Online, Janet Jackson checked into celebrity hospital Cedars Sinai in LA last night with symptoms of the flu, as well as shortness of breath. Too bad, too, because Janet has the number one album in the land this week and had been scheduled to appear on Saturday Night Live this weekend. Uh, that won't be happening, according to the Financial Times TMZ. The LA tattler is reporting that Janet has backed out of her musical guest duties. So now talk turns to who will be the last minute replacement. Perhaps the American Idol dude that sang Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah? Maybe Vampire Weekend again, playing the remainder of their catalog? Or Fred Armisen doing an irony-laced performance of John Cage's 4'33" (twice)?

Spears Publicist With Not-Bad Idea?

According to the AP, the BBC, and as many other media outlets as the Britney machine can notify, Britney Spears will appear in a March 24th episode of How I Met Your Mother, a CBS show that, contrary to most television comedies, is funny. Britney will appear as a dermatologist's receptionist or something. According to Harold and Kumar star Neil Patrick Howser, Spears will be acting:

"I was shocked that Madame Spears was willing to come and do some acting, she hasn't acted in a while," he said.

Since she hasn't acted in awhile, it will be exciting to see Ms. Spears do some acting.

Justin Has Moved On, You See

Awhile back, news broke that Justin Timberlake, with the aid of unstoppable producer Timbaland, offered a helping hand to his old flame Britney Spears. He and Timbaland would write, create and produce a new single for Britney, a comeback jam sure to help her regain her foothold in the pop landscape. The proposed collabo never came to be, however, and Timbaland intimated that Brit was not so down with the idea. More succinctly, she told them she didn't need them. Timbaland? Pissed.

So it was not such a big surprise when, interviewed on the way into the Madonna-inducting Rock n' Roll Hall Of Fame ceremony, Justin  offered the following rye observation:

"The world has always been full of Madonna wannabes. I might have even dated a couple."

Then again, Britney may have dated a couple of Thriller-era Michael Jackson wannabe's.

Lawyers In Love

Celebrities - they love to break the law! Or at least bend the rules, twist the limits of rulings and avoid injunctions. So naturally it follows that non-law-abiding famous people turn to high-falutin', high-charging lawyers for help, slickly-dressed shysters who pull into Wilshire Boulevard offices in top-down Porsches wearing clothes that bluntly expose their complete lack of taste. And what are these aforementioned eagles up to this week?

An L.A. judge ruled that Jamie Spears, father of Britney and Jamie Lynn, will retain control of the Britney estate for another five months due to his daughter's rampant craziness and buffoonery and his unchecked thirst for her fortune.

Actor Bai Ling pleads guilty to disturbing the peace for her broken-hearted and, she claims, accidental shoplifting. Two Star magazines and a pack of batteries are not worth that mug shot.

Renowned Boy Band Fat Man (and formerly on lam) Lou Perlman pleads guilty to $300m in fraud. He robbed more than 250 individuals of more than $200m, and boy band CD-purchasing consumer of $18.99 a CD.

One Day At A Time

They said it couldn't last... and they were right! Aged, shirtless dinos Van Halen have postponed several upcoming dates due to an unspecified medical condition affecting guitarist Eddie Van Halen. Eddie, who has been in the news following his divorce from newly slim former actor Valerie Bertinelli, is being tested to confirm a tentative diagnosis of... something. Could this unexpected condition be the reason for Eddie's recent bizarre behavior? Behavior which has included throwing his guitars around onstage, moving his amp close to brother Alex's drum kit in order to "hear him" (monitor troubles, presumably) and widely confirmed crappy playing? Possibly. But his doctor, pictured below, may have something to do with it.

Britney's Rolling Stone Tragedy

The new Rolling Stone is sure to fly off the shelves in Kentwood, LA, the malls of SoCal, and anywhere followers of Great American Tragedies reside. Why, one asks? Because Rolling Stone, finally, has taken it upon itself to dive headlong into the crazy, Black American Express, Betsey Johnson dressing room world of Britney Spears... and they're passing the hair weaves onto you! An excerpt from their current cover story is already over on their site, and it's riveting - a seemingly innocent weekend shopping trip morphs into a hideous peek into a pop tart descending into madness. Or something like that. Here's some RS getting all Truman Capote on us:

Only a few kids are in the store, a young girl with her brother and two blondes checking out fake-gold charm bracelets. Britney rifles the racks as the Cure's "Pictures of You" blasts into the airless pink boutique, grabbing a pink lace dress, a few tight black numbers and a frilly red crop top, the kind of shirt that Britney used to wear all the time at seventeen but isn't really appropriate for anyone over that age. Then she ducks into the dressing room with Ghalib. He emerges with her black Am Ex.

The card won't go through, but they keep trying it.

"Please," begs Ghalib, "get this done quickly."

One of the girls runs to Britney's dressing room, explaining the situation through a pink gauze curtain.

A wail emerges from the cubby — guttural, vile, the kind of base animalistic shriek only heard at a family member's deathbed. "F*** these bitches," screams Britney, each word ringing out between sobs. "These idiots can't do anything right!"

First I'm Taking You To The Loony Bin, Then I'm Going To The Brewery

Once more: in the words of the Twin Peaks Giant, It is happening again. Very early this morning a phalanx, as they say, of cops and medical teams, not to mention reporters and helicopters, descended on the Studio City, CA home of Britney Spears. Ms. Spears was taken to the UCLA Medical Center where she is apparently undergoing a psychiatric evaluation (don't even TALK to Tom Cruise about psychiatric evaluations - he and the you-know-who's hate that stuff!). Presumably they will either 1) determine instability and keep her there, or 2) deem her just safe enough to release back into our totally sane society. Hair metal fans and Cali-psych enthusiasts will know that the Golden State's mental health statute is known as 5150. It's got what it takes... so tell me Why Can't This Be Sanity? From ABC:

Police and an ambulance rushed the troubled pop star away from a side entrance at her home and took her to UCLA Medical Center, according to the Times. A call from her psychiatrist prompted the scene, the Times reported.

A hospital spokesman would not confirm whether Spears was at the hospital, The Associated Press said.

Under a state mental health statute known as 5150, an individual who is considered by a medical professional to be a danger to herself or others can be involuntarily committed to a mental institution by her family or even friends. Such a confinement is called an evaluation hold.

Dead Heat...

It's just another gloomy, overcast Tuesday where this is being written. Political junkies and schadenfreude enthusiasts have their eyes trained on the Republican primary in Florida, jaded indie rockers are either flipping their wigs over or readying the backlash machine against NYC afropop fans Vampire Weekend and Britney watchers are licking their lips over the latest tidbits from the BS Party Machine, all while MacBook Air desire rambles on. This is "cultural" America, January 29, 2008.

TMZ - Britney gets in a fight - "Baby, can you come pick me up?"

Wired - MacBook Air... Tastes Like Chicken

New York Mag - What to expect from the upcoming Vampire Weekend backlash...

Random photo of JLS via AP/Yahoo. Photo of VW via VW.

Oh Dear...

The Sun in the UK has photos of Amy Winehouse smoking crack. It gets worse - her wedding picture is in the background! She smoked crack, snorted cocaine and apparently ecstasy was involved, too. Also, she took a dangerous, barefoot amble across glass-laden floor in a desperate attempt to locate a kitten. Um, don't smoke crack, snort cocaine or get involved with ecstasy. From The Sun:

At one point, lank-haired Amy is warned to watch out for smashed glass on the floor as she scours a bedroom for her kitten barefoot.

The dazed and confused star accuses a guest of taking the pet from a quiet room into the drug-fuelled hubbub of her house party.

She mumbles wearily: “If I was that cat I’d leave on my own accord — I’d call a cab. It ain’t right. This ain’t Toys R Us. They took my cat.”

Joel And Nicole Welcome New Business Partner

As you may have heard, Nicole Richie had her shortie last week. Mother, tattooed father and child are doing well. So well, in fact, that Joel Madden, posting on his company blog, is apparently looking forward to lil' Harlow Winter Kate Madden contributing to the bottom line. From DCMA, via E!:

Well I am finally home with my beautiful girlfriend and our brand new little daughter. Harlow Winter Kate Madden was born on January 11th 2008 at 3:13pm. She weighed in at 6 pounds and 7 ounces. She is 19 inches long and growing everyday already! She really is a wonderful addition to the GC/DCMA/DEADEXEC family...

Ultimate Cobain Moving Coming?

It will be if Courtney Love has anything to do with it. According to reports, Love has approached Scarlett Johansson to play Love in the film of Heavier Than Heaven, a Cobain biography written with Love's cooperation. Love needed to find an actress who could convey Love's half of this complicated relationship, all while having similar looks to Love. Since no one fit that description, they're chasing the uber-hot Johansson. Ryan Gosling is apparently in to play Cobain. From The Mirror:

A close friend says: "Kirsten Dunst was rumoured to be in the frame, but Courtney really admires Scarlett and has already sent the contract out for her to sign. Courtney even copied Scarlett's sleek blonde movie look when she was in London for the Fashion Rocks party last year.

"This is a labour of love for Courtney and she is putting her heart and soul into making it an accurate, credible glimpse of her life with Kurt."

And Courtney has also lined up Oscar-nominated Ryan Gosling to play husband Kurt.

Her friend adds: "She wants the best actors to portray them - she will be on set all the time giving Scarlett and Ryan advice on what it was like being one part of the most notorious couples since Sid and Nancy. It will be explosive."

Britney Spears on Stretcher, Being Evaluated

The Britney '08 campaign continues! After impressive victories in the Celebrity Stupidity debates in 2007, Britney Spears has opened 2008 with a stunning and dramatic victory in the Iowa Train Wreck caucuses last night. Turnout on her part was 100%, and she finished with strong momentum heading into the rest of the campaign. Yes, that photo features Britney on a stretcher. From CNN International:

Pop star Britney Spears was taken to a hospital for tests to see if she was under the influence of alcohol or drugs and for a psychological evaluation after police were called to her home Thursday night to mediate a custody dispute, a police spokesman said.

Spears appeared to be conscious as she was rolled out of her Studio City home on a gurney about three hours after police and ambulances arrived there.

According to The Associated Press, officers were called to Spears' house around 8 p.m. to respond to a custodial dispute with ex-husband Kevin Federline over their sons, 2-year-old Sean Preston and 1-year-old Jayden James, Officer Jason Lee of the Los Angeles Police Department said.

Kanye West - Connect 4 Fanatic

Connect 4 - the classic game of sliding red and black chips into neat lil' slots and stacking them - has a new fan in Kanye West. According to his blog, Kanye has been killing time on his Europe tour by taking on all comers and building a decent won-lost record. The Connect 4 champ of the R&B world, though? That would be Beyonce. Kanye set up a head to head match atthe newest outpost of Jay Z's 40/40 Club in Las Vegas. The result? Kanye managed to eke out one win - whereas at one point Beyonce won nine in a row. From Kanye's blog via BrooklynVegan via The Fader:

When I was in Europe I would play this game for hours and hours... it helped me zone out. Everybody would get envolved... Derrick Dudley (Common's manager) and Consequence were the best other than me... I beat Lexi... Don C beat Jay... Tony Williams beat Common... but every now and then people would speak of this legendary connect 4 champion........... BEYONCE!!! I had 2 play her!...so last night at Jay's new 40/40 club in Las Vegas (which is sidebar, crazy big w/ 24krt gold flooring, Black Jack tables, $500 slot machines,the biggest projection screen in the universe and the best turkey burgers I've ever had in my life) she beat me 9 times in a row! (and I didn't even spaz lol) here's a photo of the only game I won!

Britney's Legal Eagles Fly, Fly Fly...

The legal team representing Britney Spears has asked an L.A. judge to resign from Britney, the case and the whole freakin' kit and kaboodle. 2008 is turning out to be very 2007 (and 2006, and 2005, and...) for Britney. Why are they quitting, even though winners never quit? Because Britney's antics are defeating the cause. Britney, help them help you. And in case you were wondering, she's been getting it on with the paparrazo/photog/stalker she met over the holidays. From Monsters and Critics:

Spears is still shacking up in hotels with the paparrazo she picked up during the holidays, Usmagazine.com reports that the pop star, wearing a black wig and dark sunglasses, and photographer Adnan Ghalib, 35, checked into the Parker Hotel in Palm Springs around 2 a.m. on Jan. 2 – and then checked out around 7 a.m.

This isn't the first time 26-year-old Spears has spent time in a hotel with Ghalib – Spears has developed an intimate relationship with the photographer who told Us in September, "I'll get her sooner or later".

Last week, Ghalib comforted her at the Peninsula Hotel in Beverly Hills.

Good Riddance, 2007

What a fascinating, obnoxious, stupid and repulsive year. Remember when Britney shaved her head? Seems like years ago. So long, 2007.

K-Fed Flirts With Paris, Warns Brit

It wouldn't be a Last Day Of 2007 Post without mentioning Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. In the latest humiliating development for Britney, K-Fed has been seen flirting and socializing with Paris Hilton in LA over the past several, party-soaked months. But that's not all! K-Fed's lawyer wants to depose Britney soon. He's got some fightin' words. From the AP:

The attorney for Kevin Federline says he wants to depose Britney Spears soon, the latest step in the former couple's ongoing child-custody battle.

"Britney Spears will have her deposition early (next) year," Mark Vincent Kaplan told People.com late Saturday outside a Beverly Hills restaurant. "We've got a lot to talk about."

Spears, 26, called in sick to a court-ordered deposition Dec. 12, although she was photographed that day driving with a friend.

"She was, in fact, out later that day and night," Kaplan said. "It's not fourth grade where you get a doctor's note and it's all OK."

Jamie Lynn Spears, 16, Is Pregnant

Yikes: Jamie Lynn Spears, star of Nick's Zoey 101 and younger sis of Britney Spears, is expecting a child. At sixteen, I'm surprised she even knows where babies come from. Maybe she didn't. Reportedly, Britney didn't even know about all this until after the story broke. So, um, kind of sad. Best wishes to all, though. From Reuters:

The cable channel confirmed a report in the forthcoming edition of celebrity gossip magazine OK! that Jamie Lynn Spears is expecting a child.

"We respect Jamie Lynn's decision to take responsibility in this sensitive and personal situation. We know this is a very difficult time for her and her family, and our primary concern right now is for Jamie Lynn's well being," Nickelodeon said in a statement e-mailed to Reuters.

A high school student who lives in Louisiana, Jamie Lynn Spears reportedly met the father, Casey Aldridge, the son of a Tennessee papermill worker, at church. Jamie Lynn Spears' personal publicist was not available for comment.

Oops, She Etc, Etc, Etc

The Britney Crazy Train rolls on! Now word is out on the street that Britney may be pregnant again. Yes, this is a rumor that's been around for awhile, but Google News has 47 articles on this possibility today. So that means something, right? Oh, and she has a sex room in her house filled with kinky outfits, fur-lined handcuffs and other goodies (baddies?). What else is in the sex room? How about:

1. Ticklers.
2. Whips.
3. A mirrored ceiling.
4. A glass jar containing spanking paddles.

Oh and, by the way, her furniture has poo on it. More from the NY Daily News:

"She wears Catholic schoolgirl uniforms, a maid's uniform and a Cinderella outfit," claims the mole. The source also contends Brit is so obsessed with Marilyn Monroe that she wants her nose redone to look like the blond model of self-destruction.

"Britney is sexually obsessed," the source tells [tabloid The] Star.

Courtney Love: Madonna Is A Joke

As the immature old adage goes, takes one to know one. From Yahoo Music:

In a new online posting, she proclaims herself a "bionic" worker, while insisting the Queen of Pop is "weak" and "calculating."

"Madonna is a great businesswoman but come on, she's weak as an artist and we all know it. I like Madge but as a relevant musician it's a joke," Courtney said.

"She's singing from such a calculating, thought-out place all the time. It's never from her gut or heart of intuition, so maybe it sounds great and slick and you can hum it.

"Hard work and major discipline doesn't equal great art and all of those are great things - I covet them. I have great discipline and I do work like a bionic thing," Love concluded.

In case you missed them, here are the dumb things that Courtney Love says in this article:

1. Courtney is bionic.

2. Madonna is weak (and we all know it).

3. Madonna sings from a calculating, thought out place all the time.

4. Courtney covets things.

5. Courtney works like a bionic thing.

[Photo Cred]

Breaking News: Lindsay Lohan To Stop Clubbing

In LA, at least! According to the NY Daily News, Lindsay Lohan has come to a momentous and, frankly, poignant decision - she is going to stop hanging out with people that will drag her to clubs, and she is going to stop going to clubs - in LA. Also, she plans to to surround herself with people that love her for her. Also, she's seeing someone. His name is Riley. He sounds nice. From the article:

"Going out all the time was very self-destructive."

"The biggest thing is not being in L.A. and staying away from the nightlife."

"I hit rock bottom."

"I plan on returning to Utah so I can stay focused and avoid other distractions."

"The people who want to go out and party, that's not what I'm about now."

"Yes, I'm seeing someone. His name is Riley. I am really happy and taking it day by day."

Lindsay should be careful what she wishes for - the New York Mets took it day by day and we all know what happened to them.

Be Glad You're Not Famous

[Photo via BrooklynVegan via arcadefire.net]

Let's take a look around the internet:

Pamela Anderson marries Rick Salomon in between two of her magic shows (not MAGIC shows, mind you). Tommy Lee and Kid Rock sad. World amazed. Aliens observing from above aghast, thinking twice about invading Earth.

The Gray Lady herself has devoted some print-n-pixels to the Crazy Lady herself. In it's analysis of the latest twists in The Britney Spears Saga, the New York Times acknowledges the poignancy inherent in Brit losing her kids, and declares websites like TMZ.com the real winners in the publicly-fought Spears Wars. And also the New York Times, of course, who finally figured out a way to justify writing about Britney Spears.

Arcade Fire unveiled a truly amazing new website and also announced at a weekend NYC show that they would be going away for a couple of years. You mean like every other big band that's nearing the end of a touring cycle and will then take a break and then write and record a new album?

Lindsay Lohan At Sundance

...A rehab center in Sundance, Utah, that is! The ever-distressed star of marginally successful films has entered her third posh rehab clinic in a year. Like Wonderland Center in Los Angeles and Promises in Malibu, Cirque Lodge preaches the restorative benefits of a twelve-step program. Including the Wonderland Center and Promises and her three recent run-in's with the police, Lindsay Lohan is only a combined sum of six rehab stints or arrests from completing this unique twelve-step program. Congrats, Lindsay. From ABC News:

Patients who are wealthy enough to cough up around $30,000 for an average 30-day stay at the lodge — which is actually considerably cheaper than its counterparts — may be pleasantly surprised to discover the wide variety of available activities. Patients can embark on hikes on the nearby mountains, horseback rides, and trust exercises on the world's largest indoor ropes course.

Past celebrity patients have included Mary-Kate Olsen and "Baywatch" star David Hasselhoff, according to The Insider.

In addition to the outdoor activities, its Web site boasts of plush bedding in available private rooms, as well as breathtaking views and a state-of-the-art dining room with floor-to-ceiling windows.

Madden 2008

It's official - Nicole Richie and Joel Madden are going to be (gulp) parents. Richie, stating the obvious, notes that her life will slow down. In other good news, Nicole is looking forward to getting her jail sentence out of the way. Pray for this child. No word on what Tuesday (if indeed on a Tuesday) it will drop. From Teen People Forbes:

After months of rumors, Richie tells ABC News' Diane Sawyer for an interview to air this week that she is almost four months' pregnant and that her boyfriend, Good Charlotte frontman Joel Madden, is the father.

"Yes I am. We are," she tells ABC, which issued a news release about the interview.

In the latest issue of OK! magazine, on newsstands Wednesday, Richie says she is feeling "healthy and happy" and her life "is clearly going to slow down."

"I will be really happy once I have done my jail time," the 25-year-old star of TV's "The Simple Life" and on-again pal of Paris Hilton says. "I can start fresh."

Pic via E.

You Have Got To Be Kidding

This is ridiculous. Early this morning, at approximately 1:30am PDT, 21 year-old starlet Lindsay Lohan was arrested and charged with drunk driving as well as possession of a controlled substance (a "white powder"). As of right now, she is still sitting in a Santa Monica jail, awaiting bail payment (Chico's Bail Bonds?) Perfect timing, too: Lindsay's latest flick, I Know Who Killed Me, is in theatres this Friday. Al press is good press, blah blah blah. From the Cable News Network:

When taken to the police station, the 21-year-old actress registered 0.12 and 0.13 in another test for alcohol levels, the spokeswoman said.

Officers also found a white powdery substance in Lohan's possession which tested positive for opiates, Lindsey said.

Lohan, whose film "I Know Who Killed Me" releases Friday, was charged with two counts of driving under the influence, possession of a controlled substance, bringing a controlled substance into a jail facility, and driving on a suspended license, according to Lindsey.

Famous People Get Arrested, Too

It was quite a week for that wonderful pastime, celebrity arrest-watching. Here's some of what we know:

Ja Rule and Lil' Wayne were arrested last night (Sunday) following Lil Wayne's show at the Beacon Theatre in Manhattan. Lil Wayne was spotted smoking some hoocha near his tour bus and was arrested for possession of marijuana as well as possession of a weapon. About an hour earlier, Ja Rule had been arrested, also near the Beacon, after his speeding car was pulled over and HIS weapon was found. The name of the new Ja Rule/Lil Wayne single? Uh-Oh.

Also, country singer Mindy McCready was arrested early Saturday morning and  charged with battery and resisting arrest. You'll recall that in 2004 McCready was rrested for fraudulently obtaining painkillers, and in 2005 was arrested for driving under the influence. Is mainstream country music evil?

Lohan Enemies In Big Sh*t

Another Monday, another disturbing Lindsay Lohan update. The latest involves Ms. L leaving rehab (yay!), partying sober (yay!) wearing an alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet to prove she stays sober (that's good, I guess) and having nude photos of her taken from her laptop (that's bad). According to Fox News:

She will voluntarily wear an alcohol-detecting ankle bracelet as part of an intensive outpatient program, said her publicist, Leslie Sloane Zelnik, in a statement.

On Saturday, Lohan was reportedly seen partying at Pure Nightclub in Las Vegas with several friends.

"In part she is wearing the bracelet so there are no questions about her sobriety if she chooses to go dancing or dining in a place where alcohol is served," Zelnik said.

All well and good, but the stress of knowing nude photos of herself are out there can't be good. That's right, some nimble fingered eroto-thief hacked into Lindsay's hard (ha) drive and swiped photos of her in her 21st birthday suit. She's pissed.

The 'Mean Girls' actress has been left fuming after a computer hacker stole racy pictures taken of her by on/off lover Calum Best.

Lindsay wrote on her internet message board: "All I know is that someone broke into my computer and left a file on my desktop saying they had the pictures Calum took of me naked. My lawyer knows about it.

"If I ever found out who broke into my computer, he is in big s**t."

The Mile High Rude Club

Clay Aiken, the kinda beloved, sorta acclaimed American Idol runner-up, had a bit of a dust-up high above the Dust Bowl over the weekend. According to anyone that will talk, a female passenger was furious with Aiken when he deigned to put his foot on the passenger's armrest. Dude should know that armrests are sacred territory. Perhaps this is a celebrity sense of entitlement, but the rumor has always been that Aiken is one of the more rude cats out there. Flight attendants were able to resolve the situation, unfortunately.

Singer Clay Aiken apparently got into a dispute with a woman during a flight to Tulsa, drawing some scrutiny from FBI agents but no charges, a newspaper reported.

The 2003 "American Idol" runner-up was on the Saturday morning Continental Airlines flight for a evening show, and concertgoers said afterward that Aiken joked on-stage about being beaten up by a girl earlier in the day.

FBI Special Agent Gary Johnson told the Tulsa World there was a dispute between a male passenger and a woman on the flight. He said the man was a former "American Idol" contestant but did not give his name.

Johnson said the dispute was over the male passenger's foot resting on the woman's armrest. He said there was an allegation the woman gave the male passenger a "minor shove" during the argument.

"At that point the flight crew was able to resolve the situation," Johnson said.

Tulsa Airport Authority spokeswoman Alexis Higgins said the passengers were held until FBI agents arrived to interview them.

No injuries were reported and the disturbance did not interfere with the flight of the aircraft, Johnson said. The U.S. Attorney's Office declined to file charges, he said.

Good Charlotte!?!?!!

This one is fascinating. Nicole Richie, Simple Life star, daughter of Lionel Richie and... and... well, that's pretty much it. Anyway, Nicole Richie and boyfriend Joel Madden, singer of Good Charlotte, Maryland native and... and... well, he's got a lot of tattoos. Anyway, Nicole Richie and Joel Madden are not only a couple, and are not only going to get married but are also expecting a little rocker! According to Us Magazine and other publications, Nicole is three months pregnant. Also, word is that Benji Madden has been assisting Joel on his wedding ring-purchase outings. Hate to sound an obvious echo here, but maybe this will make Nicole eat?

Despite her scarily thin frame, the news is shocking because of recent rumors surrounding the starlet. One week it was reported that she was suffering from anorexia and checking into rehab, the next week claims surfaced that she had a drug addiction. In reality, the star drove the wrong way down a Los Angeles highway and admitted to taking vicodin and smoking marijuana.

Unlike most mothers-to-be, Nicole will face court during her second trimester and argue her case about staying out of prison because of her DUI charge. The December 2006 incident is a second offense for "The Simple Life" star.

Nicole joins other Hollywood girls who have welcomed motherhood at a young age. Britney Spears, Reese Witherspoon and Nelly Furtado have all become mothers in their early twenties.

A source told Us Weekly, "She is extremely excited right now."

Nicole and her boyfriend Joel Madden will reportedly make their relationship even more official with a wedding - the Good Charlotte front man just has to buy the engagement ring first. The magazine reported that Joel recently took his twin brother Benji shopping for the rock.

Nicole, 25, has been engaged before - to celebrity spinner DJ AM. Both Madden boys are settling down. Joel ended his two-year relationship with 19-year-old Hilary Duff before hooking up with Nicole in late 2006 and Benji is preparing a wedding with Australian actress Sophie Monk.

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