Celebrities and the Stupid People Like Us Who Love Them

Tom Cruise ain't normal, but he's trying to trick us into thinking he is. Tom Cruise, it won't work. Speaking with Oprah Winfrey from his overstuffed couch near the mean streets of Telluride, Colorado, Cruise noted that he doesn't regret his sofa-leaping episode on a previous Oprah appearance, that he still loves Katie Holmes and that he was misunderstood regarding the whole Prescription Drugs Are Bad thing. And to clarify, he's "not sure" he would take the sofa-jumping back. So, he wouldn't take it back. But he's not sure.

Fame, Fame, Fatal Fame:

While in the Caribbean, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon tied the knot, according to rumors and circumstantial evidence. Carey obtained a Bahamian marriage license this week, and later obtained a tropical drink with an umbrella in it, and later obtained sand in her shoes.

Madonna played an intimate, 32-minute set at Manhattan's Roseland Ballroom on Wednesday night for fans who had patiently waited up to sixty hours for entry. Thirty minute sets are about the average for marginally known indie bands playing in small clubs around the world, and now for Madonna, too.

And in possibly-fake sex tape news, the family and estate of Jimi Hendrix denies that a recently unearthed 1960's vintage sex tape features the legendary guitar player, claiming his presence is as unreal as the awesome, unreal lead line on Little Wing. Fans of salacious Hendrix imagery will have to be content with the original album cover of Electric Ladyland. [NSFW]